All Messed Up

Hi Everyone

I haven't posted much on here because I have been going through sheer hell and I didnt want to put anyone off trying to quit.

When I first started this quit (the umpteenth) I was feeling elated and very confident, I was so pleased with myself and I was actually starting to feel better.

Then came the bad news, I have found out that I have got stomach ulcers and possible gall stones, I have taken the medication for the stomach ulcers, huge amounts of antibiotics for a week, not nice. But the pain is incredible and I feel absolutely washed out.

My sleeping pattern is shot to bits, I am getting about 5 hours a night, and that is usually broken sleep. So Im waking or getting up in a morning feeling as though I haven't slept at all, and in fact I haven't really. Then my appetite is virtually nil too. I am finding it harder and harder to eat stuff.

I suffer from depression as it is, but I feel so under pressure from everything that is going off that I feel worse than I usually do.

I am so tempted to have a cig just to get my head right if nothing else, its driving me crazy and I just wonder if I should try again to stop once all the tummy problems have been sorted. Im not allowed to drink any alcohol any more, period. That would have helped to calm me down but thats out of the question.

I feel such a mess and I am all screwed up. Im so tense and anxious about the least little thing, its really getting me down. Can anyone suggest anything at all?? Please. I dont really want to start smoking again, but I cant carry on with my head in bits and feeling very very low. Perhaps I should forget this stop and get myself sorted out, then try again later. I am tearing my hair out with all the pain and tension.



15 Replies

  • Hi Stu

    I am so sorry to hear you are having a bad time. Hopefully the anti biotics are helping sort the stomach problems out. I dont know that much about gall stones but I think drinking plenty of water and avoiding fatty foods is meant to help.

    Please dont consider going back to smoking. It wont help. I have done it twice and it left me feeling really ill. Head spinning and stomach churning. Smoking wont help the ulcer or the gallstones.

    Have you asked your doctor if he can give you anything to help you sleep.

    Hi CJM

    yes, I went back to the docs and explained everything that was going on, but he wouldn't give me anything. he just said that I have to wait until I have had a scan on May 11th until he can do anything else.

    I feel very rough at the moment, and that date seems so long away, in fact it is. Its over two weeks to go, I dont think I can wait that long without sleep or eating properley.

    The anti-biotics haven't sorted the tummy problems out either.

    My head is in a mess and Im a bit scared about it all. I live alone and Im getting worried and confused as to what to do. My head is in a mess.

  • Hey Stu - I wish I could help.

    All I do know is the problems will still be there if you smoke. You may even find smoking aggravates your stomach more.

    Wish there was something more positive I could offer.

    You stay hanging in there. After all your an MMQ. Don't become a "Sort of MMQ" like I did

    Caroline xxx

    Thanks Caroline . Im doing my best to hold out but its getting harder by the hour, I can only do my best, and Im trying, but my head is in tatters.

  • Hi stu,

    I'm afraid I can't help with the medical side of things, I have no knowledge about ulcers or gall stones, ands can only imagine the pain and discomfort you must be going through. Add to that the sleeplessness, anxiety etc and you sure do have a lot to contend with.

    I do agree with CJM that smoking wil not take away any of your problems, they will still be there whether you smoke or not.

    Rather, I would look for the positives in staying quit while these problems are sorted out. Each minute, each hour that we do not take in all the ghastly chemicals in a cigarette helps us more than we will ever know.

    Post on here with your doubts and anxieties whenever you want to. I wish I could be more help, or had clear advice for you. I do send you my best wishes.


  • Hi Stu,

    I agree with CJM and Deke, you have come this far showing a considerable amount of resolve it is worth sticking it out.


    P.S. A friend had trouble sleeping and she used nytol to help, it worked for her.

  • Hi Stu,

    I agree with CJM and Deke, you have come this far showing a considerable amount of resolve it is worth sticking it out.


    P.S. A friend had trouble sleeping and she used nytol to help, it worked for her.

    Thanks for all your replies and support, I really appreciate it.

    I will try the nytol, thats a good idea thanks. I really hope it works for me too. If I can get a decent nights sleep I would hope that I might feel better in myself. Fingers crossed

  • Its sounds like you are going through a rough time at the moment and I am sorry for that, I do agree that smoking won't make it any better though. Nytol may work and also BibleBlack has mentioned none prescription pills which he has used. Maybe pm him and ask? Anyway, if you keep off the smokes your confidence will soar and two weeks is not so long. Keep strong and keep posting. x

  • Hi Stu

    Stomach ulcers and gall stones can be sorted out and your current pain and discomfort will not last, although I'm sure it must be very distressing at the moment.

    As others have said smoking will not help. It will actually make you feel worse psychologically, which, if you have a tendancy towards depression, isn't helpful.

    I can understand that your head is in bits, but a fag won't cure that. Try to focus on the positive - I am not going to give in to fags despite being unwell(good!), and not the negative - I need a fag to sort myself out and make me feel better (bad!).

    Be proud of yourself and what you have achieved so far. You've come a long way. Don't chuck it all away now.

    I hope the nytol helps - also try a hot bath before bed, and a drop of lavender oil on the pillow is also supposed to help.

    Good luck

    TT x

  • Thanks :)

    Thanks everyone for all your support. I know would have lit up by now if it wasn't for all the great people here on this forum, and all your kind words and support.

    This stop would have been so much easier if I hadn't come up against this illness and the intense pain.

    I'm wondering now if its because of the stop, and my body is taking the opportunity to repair itself of the damage before it was too late. I does make me wonder, and I wouldn't be suprised if I was right.

    I hope I am not challenged again tomorrow morning, the same way as this morning. All that doubt in my head?? Looking back it was such a stupid thing to consider doing. It took advantage of my illness. And wanted to make me even more ill. Talk about Jekell and Hyde eh? I know how that character must have felt. Pulled one way then another..

    Anyway, I wont waffle on anymore. I just wanted to say a BIG THANK YOU to everyone for keeping me on track. I know I would have fallen over if it weren't for you and I really appreciate it more than you could imagine.

  • Hi Stu :D

    I'm so glad that you feel more positive now and realise that smoking wouldn't help anything at all

    I think you may be right in thinking that smoking masked your health problems and now your body is starting to heal itself from the abuse you've given it

    Don't let those sneaky little b.......d Nico :eek: Demons have their way, you know you can fight them now and win the battle


    Marg xxxxxxxx

  • Sorry you are feeling not well

    And Stu,

    Imagine if you take up the cigarettes now and then get through the gaul and ulcer problems...

    You will then have to tackle the smoking again..

    I can imagine how much you want to light up.. and I wish for you it was any other scenario..

    However, with the support on this site, you are in good company..

    Keep posting here and work through the urge with pals... right here

    as you write yourself through the urge...

  • Hi Stu, I'm so sorry to hear how tough your having it at the moment.

    Firstly I want to say posting on here has helped me so much and like you I am a sufferer of depression. Sleep deprevation is never nice and I wondered if you have tried lavander oils. A couple of drops in a burner in your bedroom or a couple of drops on your pillow. It does aid sleep and you never know it might help. Also bananas. They don't help you to get to sleep but the DO give you a deeper sleep. I know it sound crazy, but just as coffee keeps you awake and cheese makes you dream, they give you a better qualitysleep. If your not getting alot of sleep i just thought it might help you if the sleep you do have is of a good quality. I have heard that cellary helps you to get to sleep but I've never tried that one cos I hate the stuff.

    The other thing I want to say is that although it's tough for you, you have done well to get this far with all your other problems going on. Try and stay strong and post on here when ever you feel down, there's always someone who can relate to whatever problem you are going through.

    I really can empathize with you and if there's anything I can do to help you through this tough time, like all of us on here, i will

  • Hi Stu, i hope your feeling a little better today?

    As others have said if you start smoking again its not going to eleviate your medical problems.

    I wanted to ask if your on any medication for your Depression?

    I have been on Anti D's a few times in my life and currently been on them for 18 months.

    I had massive Problems and went to GP who said he would give me sleepers as i was getting no sleep. He only gave me 7 days just to get me back into a routine of sleeping.

    This was pretty short lived so went back and saw other GP who gave me anti d's designed to help me sleep as well as mask the Depression.

    If your already on Meds then ask to see the CPN who can go through and make sure your getting the right meds and also give you stratergies on how to deal with certain things in your life.

    I have only tried to quit once during depression and i didn't last at all.

    It would be such a shame if you started smoking again, you will feel worse for it mentaly.

    I hope this has helped you in some way.

    Keep strong and don't feed the Demons inside wanting that nicotine!!

    Nikki x

  • I'm really sorry


    Sorry folks but I have succumed to the rotten devil. I have had 3 cigs today. My head is still in a mess. But I feel a lot calmer about everything and I can think straight for once.

    I know I have done a stupid thing. maybe the timing wasn't right, what with everything else going off, so much was going against me.

    If I had just the withdrawls symptons to beat then I know I would have probably succeeded. But there is so much more going off at the mo. I have been really up against it, and I have really tried my best, I know I couldn't have tried harder. I know that for sure.

    I will beat the demon one day, perhaps the time wasn't right for me. I feel low about smoking again but I know I will be trying again soon. Perhaps once I get the other problems out of the way.

    All this worry has put a very heavy burden on me and I dont react very well with worry.

    At the moment I feel very stupid , very down and fed up.

    I cant thank you all enough for all the positive advice you have given me, it wasn't a waste of time , because I have learned so much about stopping, and I have learned so much about myself thanks to everyone on this forum.

    I'm going to stick around though, if thats ok with everyone here

    Sorry folks, I just lost it :(

    It was very hard to tell you all that Ive failed, I'm really really very sorry

  • Stu54, So sorry to hear you are having such a hard time of it. Most people on here have had many starts and fails, so don't feel sorry. You don't owe anyone an apology. You are welcome to stay on here as long as you want. Hope you feel better soon.

  • Hi Stu, from your PM to me i was pretty certain you were going to smoke,i was half hoping my words of advice would have been some comfort.

    I know what its like to be rock bottom, and even though ciggies don't change the situation somehow they make us feel better.

    I hope your Medical problems are sorted for you then you can concentrate on just the not smoking and not everything else you have going on.

    I'm always about if u need a rant or rave.

    Warm Wishes.


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