I messed up

[nsd_user663_61429]

Hi All,

I have smoked after drinking alcohol this weekend, I feel completely and utterly deflated and horrible about myself. My husband is not very happy either so that is another stress factor.

I have started again this morning.

[nsd_user663_61429]

I knew it was a trigger and still went ahead and did it- I am so upset with myself.

[nsd_user663_61429]

Thank you and I am going to fight again and this time will stay away from alcohol for a long time - just under three weeks was no where near enough. As soon as I had my first drink the cravings came.

[nsd_user663_61320]

Yeah sometimes we pull a trigger deliberately. I used to provoke arguments with my OH.

Well done for getting back here so quickly, I would have been away for months.

Try and think why you wanted to smoke on the weekend..... not rubbing it in.

You were honest enough to admit that you knew alcohol was a trigger and did it anyway so the drinking was just an excuse to light the cigarette.

It's tough being back on day 1 but a lesson learnt:mad:

[nsd_user663_60964]

Poor you, Melby. Don't beat yourself up too badly (no one here will judge you or find you wanting :)). The main thing is you've picked yourself up, dusted yourself down and continued with your journey (and that shows great determination and presence of mind).

I went on the wagon when I quit as I knew I would never have the strength to refrain with alcohol inside me (especially as Christmas was looming). I've had the odd drink more recently and it's been OK but it's certainly a trigger point for many of us so I am still being very cautious.

Put it behind you Melby, and carry on. Nothing lost- just a lesson learned.

[nsd_user663_54332]

Aww that's a shame Mel!!

But don't beat yourself up about it, there's no point in that!! Do learn from it, and realise that until you're more settled in your quit to keep off the booze, then drink when there's no possibility of you smoking so you're used to alcohol without a fag to go with it.

The main thing is that you jumped straight back on the wagon and not stayed smoking for ages *and* you know how manky smoking makes you feel.

It's not a failure, it's a mis-step on the way to freedom!!

xx

[nsd_user663_2681]

Sorry to hear this Melby, drink is a massive trigger, some people can drink as soon as they quit some have to avoid it like the plague, as Deb said, at least you have learnt from it and going forward can use this experience to avoid it happening again, good luck. Xx

[Ifoughtpiranhas]

Treat it as a learning experience. Every time I've quit in the past I've cracked and had "just one ciggy" after a few drinks. This time I've stopped drinking totally and it seems to be working. Maybe give some thought to totally avoiding alcohol - not easy I know!

Anyway hang in there and keep trying!

Jim

[nsd_user663_61429]

Hi All,

Thank you so much for your posts, as you can imagine I am not feeling good about myself and these have helped and I am definately starting agani.

Can I ask how long people stayed away from alcohol?

Many thanks

Mel x

[nsd_user663_2681]

Hi All,

Thank you so much for your posts, as you can imagine I am not feeling good about myself and these have helped and I am definately starting agani.

Can I ask how long people stayed away from alcohol?

Many thanks

Mel x

Hi Mel,

I had a drink after a week or so but only at home, I didn't go out with smoking friends drinking until 5 weeks quit and that was because it was my birthday, I wouldn't of otherwise xx

[nsd_user663_61429]

Thank you, no more alcohol for me until I feel strong enough. Right now I feel as weak as a kitten. x

[nsd_user663_54332]

Hi All,

Thank you so much for your posts, as you can imagine I am not feeling good about myself and these have helped and I am definately starting agani.

Can I ask how long people stayed away from alcohol?

Many thanks

Mel x

It does feel manky, but it's a learning thing and you will beat it!!

This time I actually didn't stay away from alcohol, but I made sure to drink at home where there was no chance of me smoking - no cigarettes in the house and me wearing cartoon PJ's so no chance of my going off to buy a packet - but I didn't go drinking with friends for 3-4 weeks, by then it was a lot easier not to smoke. But it varies for everyone, so only do it when you feel confident

Get your friends on side, so that they won't let you smoke, keep with your non-smoker friends and have something - NRT, fake cigarette, whatever so that you have a fallback if it gets too cravey.

[nsd_user663_61250]

I drank and hung out with smokers from day one. We are all different and have different triggers

I agree with Jenny - everyone is different.

I purposely went out - had drinks with mates (not that I needed much encouragement :)) and with people that knew me as a smoker, so that they would inadvertenlty offer me a cig.

On earlier quits, I failed miserably but not this one

[nsd_user663_52101]

I so admire someone when they put thier hands up and admit they messed up thier quit

Just start again Melby,it's all you can do.I have hung out with smokers since my quit and have always had an e cig for emergencies.

Luckily I havnt had to use it more than 3-4 times.

Don't beat yourself up....I threw away a 3 mth quit last time:eek: you havnt done anything most of us havnt.....regroup and realise there is no enjoyment in smoking anymore

[nsd_user663_61429]

There certainly is not any enjoyment to be had from smoking, I did not enjoy it at the time and have felt awful ever since.

Back to the start for me and a lesson well and truly learnt. I was nearly at three weeks so I am extremely peeved at myslef.

[nsd_user663_54332]

There certainly is not any enjoyment to be had from smoking, I did not enjoy it at the time and have felt awful ever since.

It's good that you felt that, and that you wrote it down - bookmark that post and next time you crave go back and have a look

You did not enjoy smoking

[nsd_user663_61164]

Whilst I totally understand that you feel annoyed at yourself, I don't think you need to feel like you have undone all of the hard work over the past few weeks. If you had been on a strict diet for three weeks and had one day of eating cakes, you wouldn't put all of the weight back on just from that one day. Try to view smoking as the same. I hope that makes sense!

[nsd_user663_2681]

Whilst I totally understand that you feel annoyed at yourself, I don't think you need to feel like you have undone all of the hard work over the past few weeks. If you had been on a strict diet for three weeks and had one day of eating cakes, you wouldn't put all of the weight back on just from that one day. Try to view smoking as the same. I hope that makes sense!

Now THAT is a fantastic post and a brilliant way of looking at it xxx

[nsd_user663_61320]

Re: How long do people not drink for?

I did not drink for the first 6 weeks at all.

Then I had one glass of wine every 3 or 4 days supervised by my non smoking other half. I am serious, I have that little control! The craves for me with red wine are terrible. So one glass was all i could manage without hitting my head against a wall. The craves went pretty quickly once the taste of red wine was out of my mouth.

The good news is that last weekend I sank a bottle and did not crave once, I've got to be honest I never thought it would be possible for me to enjoy a drink and a gossip with friends but after 9 weeks I managed fine.

Hope it helps.

[Ola44]

Sorry to hear this Melby but good on you for starting again straight away.

I am at 7 weeks and still not had a drink, don't feel confident enough yet. I have been for a couple of midweek alcohol free nights out to ease myself in gently! Gonna give it another coupla weeks and then give the alcohol a go

Hope today goes well for u x

[nsd_user663_61429]

Thank you everyone.

I am definately not going to drink for at least 8 weeks to give myself the best possible chance, I certainly do not want to feel like this again in a hurry.

xx

[nsd_user663_61429]

Thank you Kat xx

[nsd_user663_59642]

There certainly is not any enjoyment to be had from smoking, I did not enjoy it at the time and have felt awful ever since.

Back to the start for me and a lesson well and truly learnt. I was nearly at three weeks so I am extremely peeved at myslef.

Mel, I have picked this particular post as I think it encompasses everything that you need to take forward with you. I say this as someone who absolutely hated and despised herself when she bought and smoked 10 fags one day, after being quit for 6 weeks. It wouldn't be going too far to say that I loathed myself for what I did. I posted that it had happened and then didn't post again until I had reached the 6 week mark again. I really and truly hated myself. I had to sort it all out in my own mind....find the way forward for me, but always knowing that the lovely folk on here would be there for me, as they would for anyone who is quitting.

What got me back to being fag-free was remembering how I felt when I bought and smoked those fags.......the physical things like my head feeling like it would explode, the vile smell of burning in my nose, the hatred I felt for myself for having been so weak, the cost.....£5 for the fags, lighter and chewing gum. I drummed those things into my mind and thought "I am never, ever again going to put myself in the position of having to go back to Day 1".

I'm posting my experience just in case it may be of some use or help, Mel. You are not alone in any of this........there are few people who make it the frst time and although some may be able to take going back to Day 1 just with a sense of resignation, I know that for some (including me) it can be quite devastating.

But Mel........you can come back from this hiccup. Well, it's not a hiccup really......it is something that can bring such strength to your quit, if you take the lessons learned forward with you and you allow them to be a source of strength to you, instead of weapons to beat yourself up with. Take it from one who has been exactly where you are.

If I can help in any way, Mel, please let me know.....by pm or starting a new thread........I'd hate to think that you are suffering this self-hatred when you really don't need to. :)

Val

xxx