I dont know whats happening with this latest bout of ocd, as I mentioned on my last post , I have never had it this intense before. its like ocd is throwing in everything it can at me as I had got over other ocd thoughts.
I dont know if this is a compulsion or what I am so confused and upset,
I find i keep saying in my head would I say? let this horrific thing happen to my ******** ( names) to see if it happens? so I can shout NO in my head,
then I ask myself would I say it to reassure my self that words dont make things happen? answer NO,
Would I just say the horrible thing for no reason again I have to shout NO inside my head.
I am terrified that if these horrific words/ sentences keep coming into my head that it may make bad things more likely to happen as they are about the people I would give up my life for, but find they just automatically happen in response to an earlier intrusive thought which Im finding hard to get rid of
Please someone reply to me I am desperate to know what I can do to stop this, All I have ever wanted is to have a happy life with my beautiful family who I love very much
I'm so desperate and scared.
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Mangomadam
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If you can't help repeating certain questions in your head and giving them certain answers in a ritualistic manner, yes it's a compulsion, at least in my opinion. You're doing it most likely to appease your mind, but if you need to keep doing it because the relief you get never lasts, how come you don't give up out of discouragement. Humans and animals alike usually give up a certain action after a while when they realize it's useless.
It reminds me of a video I watched where a British Airways plane enters a cloud of volcanic ashes above Indonesia in 1982. The four engines stop and the pilots compulsively repeat the procedure of restarting the engines about 50 times before succeeding as the plane descends out of the ash cloud. The question I asked myself was, how come the pilots never gave up hope and still persisted in their efforts to restart the engines after failing over 40 times. I got my answer when Roger Greaves, first officer BA flight 009, said, “it was the only thing left to cling to, so it is what we did”.
So, maybe you don't give up your ritualistic questioning because that's the only hope you have to restore your peace of mind. What about if you had other hopes to appease your mind in your life? Would the urge to repeat those questions be as strong?
Thank you for your reply...you seem so wise and I know you are right .. the questioning is just really bringing me down and making me feel worse ..I think I know what you mean by'What about if you had other hopes to appease your mind in your life?' but can you please explain a little more as I am not thinking too clear at the moment ..sorry.
An interesting question would be to ask yourself, What would I do in life if all my problems were solved? You may answer, going out for walks in nature, having fun with my kids, enjoying music, doing some volunteer work, etc. depending on your interests. The next question is, Why am I waiting to solve all my problems before doing what I really desire to do in life? Is it because a part of me is afraid to live a reasonably enjoyable life, doesn't want to take the necessary steps to live a reasonably enjoyable life?
Life is filled with uncertainties, as you know. A meteorite can fall through my roof, a drunk driver may unexpectedly smash into my vehicle, I may lose my mind under extreme stress, etc. I could spend my whole life trying to ward off all those possible losses (especially those related to my theme), but it will never be enough because the possibilities of loss are endless. At the same time, I won't be able to stop trying to ward off all possible losses when that's the only way I know to regain some peace of mind. It's a trap from which one doesn't free oneself easily.
However, if I learn to accept a certain degree of uncertainty in life and focus on fulfilling activities, I will eventually regain some peace of mind, and the need to ward off all possible losses won't be as strong. The temptation to do the latter won't disappear though. It's like people who want to start to eat more healthy. They could start to do it when the temptation to eat unhealthy has first disappeared. That path is easier in the short term, because they can delude themselves in believing that one day they'll eat healthy without having to make any efforts, but it's dissatisfying in the long term. Or they could start to eat healthy now in spite of being sometimes tempted to eat unhealthy. That's the most rewarding path.
These horrible thoughts are only popping up in your head because you are trying so hard not to have them. The more you push them away and shout 'No!' at them the worse they come back.
The trick is to let them in - don't challenge them or try to make them go away - and then ignore them. It's as though they get fed up with not getting a response from you and they go away of their own accord.
I know that's really difficult - this is so emotive because it concerns people you love very much. And the very thought of so much as thinking of them coming to harm touches you in a way that sets your brain off. And OCD likes to attack us via the things that matter most to us - particularly people we care about.
Therapists treating OCD know about this. One method they use to prove that you can't make something happen just by thinking it is to write down on a piece of paper that they hope that their family comes to harm - horrible diseases, horrible accidents. And of course nothing happens to their family.
My OCD therapist did this with me - he got a piece of paper and wrote that he hoped that his wife and kids would be harmed. Of course he didn't really wish this - he only wanted to prove that he couldn't make it happen by thinking it or writing it down.
I found it really difficult - I could hardly bring myself to read it, though it wasn't my family he was 'wishing' harm to! And it's still harder when it's personal to you.
I don't know if you know anything about brain structure, but there's a little bit of the brain called the amygdala that's at the centre of our emotions. It's easily set off - and in most people easily calmed down once they get a chance to think rationally. But for those of us with OCD, it shouts above all rational thought, and goes on shouting. There's nothing to worry about, but it won't shut up!
That's the part of the brain that is set off by these intrusive thoughts. And it's really difficult to make it be quiet. It's partly a question of getting it used to these nasty thoughts until it no longer reacts. And that means learning not to take any notice of them without actually pushing them away or questioning them or negating them by saying 'No!'
I know just how it feels, but you can get your life back and enjoy your family.
Thank you so much for your reply, and I will try really hard to do as youve suggested as all I have ever wanted is to have a happy life with my family and be a good person.
This has gone on far too long, (50 years ) thank goodness there is someone on this forum like you , who cares enough to help people like me,. and you really have.
I did exactly as you suggested, everytime things came into my head I told myself that thoughts cannot make bad things happen, Then this morning I was hit with the horrible thoughts once again and started up all the mental compulsions once again ie: how I can say anything in my head it doesnt mean anything as they are not things I want at all, but then I realised by doing that I found I was actually sayiing the horrible thoughts like obsessively in my head just so I could shout at ocd again
No,no I would never want that!! but why do the words just keep popping up?
Sorry to be such a pain but I am desperate for any help I can get.
This is typical of OCD and these thoughts do keep popping into your head. It's a bit like 'whack a mole' - the more you whack them down, the more they raise their ugly heads.
They are known as 'unwanted intrusive thoughts' and the more you try to push them away, the more they pop back up again.
It's not easy to do, but the way to defeat them is to try to tolerate them. Don't resist them or push them away - just let them alone. They become less intrusive - it's as though they get fed up with the lack of attention.
It's hard to do, and it takes practice. It's important that you don't think of unsuccessful attempts as 'failures' - there are likely to be many occasions when you don't manage to leave these thoughts alone. Because each attempt helps to unpick the OCD just a little, and that means that OCD doesn't have the hold over you it did have.
I know just what it's like - I've been in thrall to OCD to the point where I was almost immobilized by the intrusive thoughts banging around inside my head. I couldn't concentrate on anything for very long, but those intrusive thoughts get easier to deal with.
A book that might help you is Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Sally M Winston and Martin N Self - I came across it while doing some internet research into how to deal with intrusive thoughts.
It's likely that you will have setbacks - as I said the other day on this forum, it's a matter of two steps forward, one step back. But that's still a step forward.
Thank you again, you sem to be very knowledgable about OCD , so I will keep trying to learn more how to deal with it as your words 'I've been in thrall to OCD to the point where I was almost immobilized by the intrusive thoughts banging around inside my head' is exactly how I feel.
I have been ignoring the majority of the thoughts and going through the ' Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts' book again, however I had a really strange but distressing sentence come into my head not about anyone in particular
The words 'I want one of you to be *********' I dont know where i t came from and as I mentioned it wasnt about anyone, it sometimes seem like these horrible words and sentences just appear now like a deeply ingrained habit but it still upset me so much , however much I say to myself I didnt put the thought there. could it be because I have had these type of thoughts so long they just pop in automatically ? I'm going to struggle if this keep happening as I always assume that it means its about people I love
In fact, most people get horrible intrusive thoughts pop into their head for no apparent reason. I've often had phrases that are entirely meaningless - I mean they make grammatical sense, but no other kind of sense - suddenly pop into my head as well. This is normal.
The thing with OCD is that we take these horrible thoughts to heart, attach meanings to them that they don't deserve or warrant, and give them a place in our mind that they wouldn't ordinarily have. It makes them feel real, whereas for most people, these horrible or meaningless thoughts simply float straight out again.
And these thoughts are emotionally charged when they concern people we love and care about, or when we assume they are.
That makes them stick inside our head and rattle around in it, until it practically deafens us and drowns out other thoughts.
I once had a rather unpleasant experience on a bus. Being rather crowded, I had to stand in the standing area, and there was another woman standing with a nice pendant around her neck. For absolutely no reason at all, it suddenly occurred to me to wonder what if I tore it from her neck.
I had no feelings against her - there she was innocently standing on a bus, but this thought popped in. Of course I didn't, and wouldn't do it, but it felt like I might. I feel ashamed to say it, but it just demonstrates how these thoughts can pop in.
There's a list of random thoughts in Overcoming Obsessing Compulsive Disorder in no particular order - some are from people with OCD, some from those without it. The reader is asked to guess which is which. The point is that we all have these thoughts and for most people, they go away and leave no trace.
There's no easy answer to it - keeping busy without overdoing things so you get too tired can help distract your mind. They're more likely to occur if you're tired or stressed, or idle.
And not fighting the thoughts, hard though it is. Practice helps!
I've had OCD for some while - in fact, since I was 21 (though there were indications earlier) and I've read quite a bit about it, as well as having some experience in what works as therapy and treatment and what doesn't!
Well you are right with the tired and stressed piece as I really am both of these things . but thank you for sharing that thought you had on the bus..as I've had similar thoughts like that .although it was many years ago before I had children. Every intrusive thought I have now I always assume its about them ...hence my trying to make myself feel better by saying what I thought was exposure to thoughts but it's just made me so much worse . even though there was absolutely no meaning attached to it and wasn't about anybody at all .
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Dropped from OCD treatment again. Cannot afford treatment. A message to all severe OCD sufferes. A cry for help.
crisis need help urgent someone reply please
Did it happen or didnt it??
Not a good day
