I dont know whats happening with this latest bout of ocd, as I mentioned on my last post , I have never had it this intense before. its like ocd is throwing in everything it can at me as I had got over other ocd thoughts.
I dont know if this is a compulsion or what I am so confused and upset,
I find i keep saying in my head would I say? let this horrific thing happen to my ******** ( names) to see if it happens? so I can shout NO in my head,
then I ask myself would I say it to reassure my self that words dont make things happen? answer NO,
Would I just say the horrible thing for no reason again I have to shout NO inside my head.
I am terrified that if these horrific words/ sentences keep coming into my head that it may make bad things more likely to happen as they are about the people I would give up my life for, but find they just automatically happen in response to an earlier intrusive thought which Im finding hard to get rid of
Please someone reply to me I am desperate to know what I can do to stop this, All I have ever wanted is to have a happy life with my beautiful family who I love very much
I'm so desperate and scared.
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Mangomadam
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If you can't help repeating certain questions in your head and giving them certain answers in a ritualistic manner, yes it's a compulsion, at least in my opinion. You're doing it most likely to appease your mind, but if you need to keep doing it because the relief you get never lasts, how come you don't give up out of discouragement. Humans and animals alike usually give up a certain action after a while when they realize it's useless.
It reminds me of a video I watched where a British Airways plane enters a cloud of volcanic ashes above Indonesia in 1982. The four engines stop and the pilots compulsively repeat the procedure of restarting the engines about 50 times before succeeding as the plane descends out of the ash cloud. The question I asked myself was, how come the pilots never gave up hope and still persisted in their efforts to restart the engines after failing over 40 times. I got my answer when Roger Greaves, first officer BA flight 009, said, “it was the only thing left to cling to, so it is what we did”.
So, maybe you don't give up your ritualistic questioning because that's the only hope you have to restore your peace of mind. What about if you had other hopes to appease your mind in your life? Would the urge to repeat those questions be as strong?
Thank you for your reply...you seem so wise and I know you are right .. the questioning is just really bringing me down and making me feel worse ..I think I know what you mean by'What about if you had other hopes to appease your mind in your life?' but can you please explain a little more as I am not thinking too clear at the moment ..sorry.
An interesting question would be to ask yourself, What would I do in life if all my problems were solved? You may answer, going out for walks in nature, having fun with my kids, enjoying music, doing some volunteer work, etc. depending on your interests. The next question is, Why am I waiting to solve all my problems before doing what I really desire to do in life? Is it because a part of me is afraid to live a reasonably enjoyable life, doesn't want to take the necessary steps to live a reasonably enjoyable life?
Life is filled with uncertainties, as you know. A meteorite can fall through my roof, a drunk driver may unexpectedly smash into my vehicle, I may lose my mind under extreme stress, etc. I could spend my whole life trying to ward off all those possible losses (especially those related to my theme), but it will never be enough because the possibilities of loss are endless. At the same time, I won't be able to stop trying to ward off all possible losses when that's the only way I know to regain some peace of mind. It's a trap from which one doesn't free oneself easily.
However, if I learn to accept a certain degree of uncertainty in life and focus on fulfilling activities, I will eventually regain some peace of mind, and the need to ward off all possible losses won't be as strong. The temptation to do the latter won't disappear though. It's like people who want to start to eat more healthy. They could start to do it when the temptation to eat unhealthy has first disappeared. That path is easier in the short term, because they can delude themselves in believing that one day they'll eat healthy without having to make any efforts, but it's dissatisfying in the long term. Or they could start to eat healthy now in spite of being sometimes tempted to eat unhealthy. That's the most rewarding path.
These horrible thoughts are only popping up in your head because you are trying so hard not to have them. The more you push them away and shout 'No!' at them the worse they come back.
The trick is to let them in - don't challenge them or try to make them go away - and then ignore them. It's as though they get fed up with not getting a response from you and they go away of their own accord.
I know that's really difficult - this is so emotive because it concerns people you love very much. And the very thought of so much as thinking of them coming to harm touches you in a way that sets your brain off. And OCD likes to attack us via the things that matter most to us - particularly people we care about.
Therapists treating OCD know about this. One method they use to prove that you can't make something happen just by thinking it is to write down on a piece of paper that they hope that their family comes to harm - horrible diseases, horrible accidents. And of course nothing happens to their family.
My OCD therapist did this with me - he got a piece of paper and wrote that he hoped that his wife and kids would be harmed. Of course he didn't really wish this - he only wanted to prove that he couldn't make it happen by thinking it or writing it down.
I found it really difficult - I could hardly bring myself to read it, though it wasn't my family he was 'wishing' harm to! And it's still harder when it's personal to you.
I don't know if you know anything about brain structure, but there's a little bit of the brain called the amygdala that's at the centre of our emotions. It's easily set off - and in most people easily calmed down once they get a chance to think rationally. But for those of us with OCD, it shouts above all rational thought, and goes on shouting. There's nothing to worry about, but it won't shut up!
That's the part of the brain that is set off by these intrusive thoughts. And it's really difficult to make it be quiet. It's partly a question of getting it used to these nasty thoughts until it no longer reacts. And that means learning not to take any notice of them without actually pushing them away or questioning them or negating them by saying 'No!'
I know just how it feels, but you can get your life back and enjoy your family.
Thank you so much for your reply, and I will try really hard to do as youve suggested as all I have ever wanted is to have a happy life with my family and be a good person.
This has gone on far too long, (50 years ) thank goodness there is someone on this forum like you , who cares enough to help people like me,. and you really have.
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crisis need help urgent someone reply please
Dropped from OCD treatment again. Cannot afford treatment. A message to all severe OCD sufferes. A cry for help.
Did it happen or didnt it??
Not a good day
