hello everyone.. Recently my ocd has come back after about 7-8 months of it going away completely.. Something has triggered my ocd but for some reason my brain is tormenting me that i may have kissed someone after dating my bf in the beginning of the relationship, i know this is false and the last three years there hasn't been anything else to remember.. This occurred in 2021 and i have had ocd about it almost every day since.. I've recounted the exact days over and over again and I can even recount the entire days from 3 years and I know that I never did anything after we started dating.. I go over the timeline in my head. Feeling so much guilt or shame for the way i was right before me and bf started dating (i was talking and kissing a few people).. does anyone else care about losing someone so much that your head thinks of the worst case scenario? i dont feel like im good enough for him even though ive done everything i couldve to get sober, go to therapy, and develop healthy habits, it all feels like it doesnt matter because of where i came from or how I was.. im 25 now and I really dont want to feel this way forever, I have regretted this era of my life for 3 years now and I just want to move past it.. any suggestions? I try to push the thought away but my brain comes back with 'you need to think about it because there something important you are forgetting. you aren't a good person. you don't deserve to relax, etc...
ROCD is eating me alive..: hello everyone... - My OCD Community
ROCD is eating me alive..
While in the throes of OCD, you have the impression that the only thing you care about is to determine with absolute certainty whether you kissed someone else at a certain point, you're good enough, etc. You have the feeling that nothing else counts as much. That's the definition of an obsession.
Actually, you care about other things than your obsession. You're worried that OCD may damage your present relationship. You regret the 3 years you spent consumed by your obsession. Look for other signs that you reasonably care about other things than your obsession, and do things to appease your mind and feel good in those areas.
I heard of someone who was doing her excessive checking (gas, water, lock) as quickly as possible so she wouldn't be late for work. In therapy, she discovered than she valued other things than being 100% sure everything was in order before leaving her home: to arrive to work on time was also important, among other things. It was a reassurance, but a good reassurance. Then she started to rebuild her life around the other things she realized she valued in life, regained some self-confidence, and came to the conclusion that in fact what she was obsessed about was not that important, at least not to the point of 'losing her sanity'.
Are you seeing a therapist for your ocd and are you on medication?
I am currently taking 20mg of prozac and 25 mg of wellbutrin, i have an appt with a new therapist next week
That’s good. Good luck. You have done nothing wrong. It’s the ocd bully trying to tell you that you have. It’s a liar. Don’t believe it.
are you sure? what if i had made mistakes in the past? and some are true? and not everything is a lie
Do you think you can ask yourself why those possible mistakes are that important, and that if they are true, would it change anything? The OCD is causing you to concentrate on those questions. Without it, you might not be asking them as often. They might be a question in your mind, but you would be okay with whatever the answer was and go from there. And, I don't think you would be putting so much pressure on yourself to find an answer. With OCD, I don't think we ever find an answer. It keeps us searching for more. And the "more" may not be good enough either.
My 1st thought was to say to forgive yourself for anything you think you might've done because then maybe you could move on from this, but that wouldn't be appropriate because OCD is the culprit, not you. (What I mean is, that you are not responsible for your OCD thoughts-you don't choose to wonder about your questions. You wouldn't keep having the same ones if it weren't for OCD.)
You said your OCD had come back after 7-8 mths. That proves it's OCD only, because you hadn't had these thoughts for that time. Something triggered them. If there had been a trigger without OCD, it might just be a simple answer, whatever it would be. The trigger is the part OCD likes to start with Imo. The trigger leads to ruminating, etc. Without OCD, you might have the questions (or maybe not), but it wouldn't make you feel so bad. OCD is a bully and makes things seem true when they really are not.
As deValentin said, "While in the throes of OCD..." That's the worst part I think. That's when OCD is the strongest, while we're in that part that makes us really uncomfortable.
Instead of forgiving yourself, just be kind to yourself. We all hate OCD, but we can't let it make us think we are bad or unworthy people. That is not fact!
I’m only telling you once because now you are only seeking reassurance which is what the bully wants you to do.
Well said. OCD is a bully. Try to talk to it and say “no not this time ,take a hike ocd”. Stand up to it 👍
Spot on ✅
How are you today. Hope you are feeling better
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