Am I a Less Caring Person If the Possibility I May Have Done or May Do Something Wrong Becomes Less Disturbing?

[deValentin]

Some OCD sufferers feel uncomfortable with a therapy that is meant to make undesirable possibilities less disturbing. They think that worrying makes unfortunate possibilities less likely to occur. Are they right? In order to answer that question, it may help to take a concrete example.

If I reasonably worry about the possibility of a car accident, for instance, does that make me a safer driver? Common sense would be to answer “yes” to the question because reasonable worry incites me to take preventive actions in order to avoid a mishap. However, if I worry too much about the possibility of a car accident, does that make me a safer driver? Probably not because the added stress and diminished concentration capacities will increase the likelihood of a mishap. So, it’s a matter of balance. Reasonable worry is a sign of caring. On the other hand, excessive worry undermines my self-control and increases the likelihood of the worst-case scenario.

Likewise, vague memories of a past wrong or chances of causing future harm may pop into my head and disturb me. Is it a sign of caring if I dwell on them to the point of dysfunction? Well, what may be a sign of caring in a very narrow domain looks like a sign of less caring overall if I’m willing to do anything, even sacrifice common sense, to settle the issue that’s disturbing me. The willingness to seek peace of mind at any cost on a specific issue erodes my self-confidence, therefore my ability to form well-founded opinions and get over a worst-case scenario becoming reality if by chance it happens. Without that ability the possibility of having done something wrong in the past or doing something wrong in the future is much more disturbing.

In the end, a sign of true caring is to look at the big picture and determine what are the best ways overall to make this world a better place, not just how to eliminate what’s disturbing our mind in a restricted domain in the present moment and the present circumstances. That requires from us to get used to some uncertainties in order to get greater certainties about our general ability to live a responsible and meaningful life. What do you think?