lol gna die i feel so awful

[jejdjsjsjsjjss]

sorry i feel like a burden typing this and im sorry i will leave you guys alone soon am just having a really bad time atm as the second i rationalised one another situation happened that sparked another one.so essentially i was walking out of school and talking w my friend so i wasnt paying attention to people around me and my arm was swinging bc i was walking and it accidentally swung onto a younger girls bottom i then said “oh fuck sorry!” but i dont know if she heard. my brain took this and said that i s**ually a**ualted her even though rationally i know it was a complete accident but my brain is screaming at me that i am a predator.

Please dont say that i am reassurance seeking, even if i am i am completely unsupported and i cant not have it as i feel as if i am disgusting and undeserving bc my brain finds “what if you traumatised her………” to every thing i say even like “maybe i did maybe i didnt” ,”yeah totally ofc i did that” and even downright screaming at it in my brain. i feel like a burden to everyone i speak to about it as all i have to say is but what if i did.

i dont think i deserve to get better, especially after yesterday and the last two intrusive thoughts and i hate it i feel like a predator for something i logically know was a complete accident, i didnt see her for fucks sake.

anyway sorry about my a millionth post any replies appreciated, having a bit of a breakdown and kooth decides that they will close at 9pm which is coincidentally nighttime which is when my thoughts fucking piss me off the most. please reply i feel like a predator is what i did really assault i promise it was solely accidental.

[Mcfly64]

Yes it was an accident. But this has to stop. You must get professional help or this is just going to continue.

[Weeping_Willow]

Take a few breaths. The sad thing is OCD can't be rationalised with. You will always doubt any rationalisations even if they make you feel better in the moment (I know, I am constantly trying to rationalise out of things feeling contaminated or that I shouldn't worry about the contamination).

What I suggest you do is this: YOU know it was an accident. Your rational immediate response was "oh fuck sorry!" and the MAIN thing is you felt bad about it. THAT is what you should be looking at. Your immediate response is the real response, before all the OCD ruminations start.

Many people, including myself, go through times when they have gross thoughts. The fact that we think they are gross says A LOT about the person, and apparently everyone has thoughts like this but they don't give them a second thought so they never have any power.

So although I am weak against my contamination OCD I started to just let the thoughts drift away and treat them like something that just float and don't have any substance. They may appear but if I don't pay attention to them they tend to become less frequent and then eventually they may stop for a very long time.

I know easier said than done, but just let the thoughts of what you did and what it could mean float away, and then the next time you think of it do the same. Think to yourself, it ISN'T ME. That is not something I would want to do and it isn't in my personality. THE FACT that it disgusts me so much means it isn't in my nature so it isn't who I am. Then move on and really, really try to ignore the worry. As I said, easier said than done but I promise that it really works. Taking the thought's power away makes IT eventually go away.

Please try not to worry, I know just from what you have said and how distraught you are about it all means that it isn't who you are and you wouldn't choose to do something like that, and I bet she has forgotten all about it. Arms hitting other people happens all the time and if she didn't hear you it means she wasn't even really noticing the situation. If she did, then she likely heard you. She just isn't thinking about it any more.

[Meatloafy]

You have to stop believing it. You might feel that you still DO believe it, but no matter how much doubt there is, live as if you did not believe it. Treat it as if it is nothing. Assume it is OCD and not reality. It's easier said than done, I still have trouble doing this, but it's the only sane way to deal with it.

[Fusebox]

I feel your pain.❤ Do you read at all? Getting your brain (and thoughts) to focus on something else, really does help! When I read, I just get so absorbed into the story. And it is true what the last comment said. The reason you feel bad, is because it is not who you are. You have empathy, and you are caring. There are so many tricks, tips, and meds that really WORK! Follow up on that.