I FEEL STUCK

[OCDWAR]

What do u think I should do when I keep avoiding normal urges because they feel like they aren't random, they feel like they are related to someone else (my sister) and I don't want to feel this I want to have my own urges not urges or choices that feels like they are stimulated because of thinking of someone else (even tho I don't think about them) I just avoid and freeze until I feel a random urge, or I stop my breath until I feel it's not because of her, or I analyze my urges, if I do them I feel guilty. What do u advice me to do please?

[deValentin]

Why can't you tell your unconscious (the part of your brain that, whether you like or not, pushes you hard to think or do certain things) to get its act together? You got to be firm with it. It can't push you to think certain things about a certain family member and dwell on it, and then, later on, make you feel miserable because you did it. It's unfair. You can't let that happen.

[OCDWAR in reply to deValentin]

I liked ur answer thank u, can u please explain cuz I didnt understand, I doubt my choices and urges if they are random, or caused or "motivated" because of thinking of someone else, it's illogical but I avoid doing things cuz I feel that it's not my choice or decision or my normal urge and the more I avoid it the more the connection feels real but now I am lost and stuck...

[deValentin in reply to OCDWAR]

Let me explain by taking an example. Let's say I have harm OCD. Horrible thoughts pop into my head and involve causing harm to others. A part of me (the subconscious? limbic system? seat of my impulses?) is pushing me to dwell on them with thoughts like "maybe it means something, maybe I can hurt someone, maybe I'm a potential criminal, etc.". This worries me and I neglect all my other interests to focus on getting absolute guarantees I'm a good person and therefore ending my torments. However, the same subconscious is making me feel bad thereafter that my mind is all wrapped up in trying to solve unsolvable problems. I'm trapped.

The way to free myself from that trap is to refuse to let my subconscious push me to dwell on thoughts that aren't worth to dwell upon and then push me to belittle myself afterwards because I'm doing it. It's like letting my impulses push me to overeat and then soon after I finish eating push me to call myself an "obese slob".

I won't let raw impulses push me in two opposite directions.

[OCDWAR in reply to deValentin]

I understand now thank u so much for giving time to explain

[OCDWAR in reply to deValentin]

But what I don't understand is why my mind is connecting two things that shouldn't be, I mean normal daily activities feel so hard because I am convinced that it's not a random urge to do them I feel it motivated because of thinking of my sister and even tho I'm not thi king about her it just tells me It's not my random urges it's stimulated by something else. Making me freeze or avoid doing things all day. What should I do ?I have free time, others I know are living their best life but me. I am always fighting with my mind

[deValentin in reply to OCDWAR]

Have you heard of the concepts of ego, superego, and id (Freud)? It looks like your superego (conscience) and id (impulses) are constantly fighting each other, which is not healthy. Why not try to foster an ego that will reconcile those two poles and allow you to love yourself and, at the same time, live a morally and socially responsible life?

[OCDWAR in reply to deValentin]

What do u think should I do then, should I act on these urges even tho they feel connected or motivated by thinking of someone else until I get the relief or what should I do exactly can u guide me ? I appreciate ur informations

[deValentin in reply to OCDWAR]

As you know, internal stimuli (intrusive thoughts, for instance) or external stimuli can trigger all kinds of responses in us: desire, joy, relief, fear, disgust, anger, sadness, etc. However, our reactions to triggers aren't always in line with what we value deeply. How do we know the difference?

Giving in to reactions that are in line with our values will not trigger any distressing feelings in us, whatever the future holds.

Giving in to reactions that aren't in line with our values will eventually trigger distressing feelings in us, even if present circumstances do favor us.

[OCDWAR in reply to deValentin]

Thank you. Then what do u recommend after this explanation?

[deValentin in reply to OCDWAR]

Let's say you're having unwanted intrusive thoughts, images or urges about a family member. Don't try to suppress those thoughts, it will only make them worse. Just don't give them any significance, carry on with you life as usual. It's not always easy, but it gets better with the passing of time and positive experiences.

If you give an unjustified significance to your responses to some triggers, that will, in turn, trigger an overreaction in your mind (I'm no good, I deserve to die, may as well kill myself, my life is ruined, etc.) . That will push you to dwell even more on your first responses (the ones you feel ambivalent about/the ones about which you may think "if they don't disappear after all my efforts to make them disappear, they must mean something"), and you'll be caught in an infernal spiral.

[OCDWAR in reply to deValentin]

You are right. I don't have bad intrusive thoughts about them but, the problem is I don't know why my normal urges to do something like for example (drinking water or holding my phone) feels triggered or caused because of that family member. Like if I think about her randomly I get that idea of doing something . I don't anymore know my choices or my normal urges or ideas. Everything feels like stimulated because of that ocd.

[deValentin in reply to OCDWAR]

You can wait until you solve the problem that's presently tormenting you ("the problem is I don't why...") before starting to return to a normal life. That will eventually trigger more distressing feelings in you because there is no end to it.

Or you can start to do what you would do if that problem wasn't tormenting you. What's important is to act, because past a certain point more deliberation or analysis won't serve any purpose.

[OCDWAR in reply to deValentin]

U are right ! Thank u so much

[Jregx1]

I have been dealing with my POCD really well the passed few months but today I’ve really started panicking so please give me some advice. Basically; I haven’t done this in so so long I can’t even remember the last time so it’s not like a usual thing, but if I had seen something/ someone that made me get a groinal response, and after this I felt as oh yeah maybe i do want to pleasure myself now… but whilst ‘pleasing myself’ I thought about me and my partner having sex, or my partner doing things to me.. not the thing that gave the the groinal cos I would never do this….is this bad? I feel like a monster right now

[OCDWAR in reply to Jregx1]

That's what I deal with kind of but not related to sex, I always question if thinking of someone is the reason who gave me the urge to do something ( even normal things ). Concerned to ur answer, do u have groinal response while seeing kids ? What exactly give u the groinal response, is it intrusive groinal response or normal ?

[Jregx1 in reply to OCDWAR]

Get groinal responses over anything. So yes younger people (children), older people, people my age. I seen something that our brain will trigger a sexual feeling even if it’s just associated with something sexual, I.e a body part, even though it’s not in line with our values, the trigger is the fact it’s ‘sexual’ in nature, even though we do not have any sexual interest in that person. Does my above post sound like I’ve done something awfully wrong?

[OCDWAR in reply to Jregx1]

U don't have to feel like a monster, accept that u have groinal responses about other things or people cuz its not ur fault it's OCD trying to make everything feel sexual, don't resist that feeling just accept it, and don't do anything after a groinal response just to stop feeling like a monster. Cuz you aren't a monster u are a good person. A monster never care about his actions.

[Jregx1 in reply to OCDWAR]

Sometimes it’s not even a proper groinal response. Could even be a twinge and then it’ll like ping in my brain like ‘hmmm yeah I guess I could please myself now’ and do so like I said thinking of my partner NOT the thing that I had the groinal/ twinge/ sensation about. I would never ever please myself over anything like younger people, taboo horrible thoughts never. I hope this makes sense, I feel so so bad right. Now thinking I’ve done something wrong even tho I don’t think I technically have xxx

[OCDWAR in reply to Jregx1]

Next time just act on the groinal response when it's caused by ur partner just to stop feeling the guilt

[Jregx1 in reply to OCDWAR]

Ok thank you, do you think I’ve done anything wrong? Xxx

[OCDWAR in reply to Jregx1]

This is reassurance, it will feed ur OCD cycle. U didn't do anything wrong. Next time do it only when ur partner gives u groinal response. What do u think about my case ? Did u read my post ?

[Jregx1 in reply to OCDWAR]

Thank you: I have and I think the same, even tho it’s so so difficult. I think we’re always trying so hard to pin point a yes or no answer or an exact outcome we start to spiral. My therapist before told me to sit with it say ‘maybe’ and try let it go, so I think maybe if you tried that that may help in the long run? Maybe don’t look for an answer and sit with the unknown which is another thing my therapist told me xxxx

[OCDWAR in reply to Jregx1]

Yes thats better than living with pain, we don't deserve that ! Hope u get well