A few weeks ago I was out at a café that I like to go to once in a while and I noticed a woman who was attractive sitting across from me. I usually don’t approach people spontaneously, and I was nervous to do so, but eventually I started a conversation by asking her if she was the one I saw trying to learn to skateboard at the park the other day (this was just a pre-text). She said no, but she wants to learn. That led to a conversation which led to exchanging numbers.
We met a few days later for coffee and later for a drink. One of the first things she told me was that it was brave how I approached her. She is doing a master’s in psychology specializing in holistic counseling. I enjoyed the evening a lot- both because of the way we met, since I had to overcome my fear in approaching her, and also because speaking with her was so interesting given her background in psychology. We talked about the psychology of dating and of how to make someone want you, etc. One thing she told me (which I knew before), is that if the other person thinks your unavailable it will make them want you a lot more.
I ended up giving her a ride home and when we parked I started telling her a story and she put her hand on my arm. I then held her hand and she held mine. We didn't let go for about a minute.
The next morning she sent me a text saying “Thank you for your presence yesterday. I enjoyed the exploration with you.”
A few days later I asked her if she wanted to meet over the weekend. FIVE days later she responds by saying “Hola!! I’m going to be honest and express how I didn’t feel a spark when we went out. You seem like a really cool and adventurous person (which I admire) but something didn’t click. I hope you can understand us parting ways (she inserted a heart to heart emoji- I had to look up the symbol and it meant heart to heart talk).
I told her it was the opposite for me and I had one of the best times ever. I sent her a photo of me that I took right then with my new haircut and said “here is a parting picture for you”. By coincidence there was a light shining from a building behind me that made a spark right next to my face, and I said “There’s a spark for you too.”
No response from her, then a couple days later I sent her a message, half jokingly, asking if I could have an appointment with her if she starts practicing as a therapist. I also asked if I could come to the restaurant where she works at a time she’s not working there to treat her out. She suggested when we met that I come to the restaurant, and in my text I asked if that was still possible. I said that “it would be giving me a second chance”.
Around five days after that she responds and says:
“Hi Joe!! I hadn’t opened your messages until now. I like the picture you took (heart emoji), very genuine. I have a way of avoiding conversations and hyper focusing on my to-do list as a means of accomplishing that. I don’t think I could be your therapist since I know you from before that initial session jaja (she’s from Puerto Rico so says “jaja” instead of haha 😊)The ethics of the field kind of leans towards a clean slate. And yes, the way we met was special and I will remember it fondly. I think it’s a story of connection that ends hastily: and there’s nothing wrong with that. Always grateful for the adventure angle of ourselves that brought about a nice evening. The door is open at the restaurant for your visit, of course.
I sent her some boring text a few days later about how I fixed my bike and asked if she’d been doing anything outdoors lately. No response. This morning I asked when I can come visit her at the restaurant and inserted the emoji with the smiley face and hearts in the eyes. No response to that either.
Is she giving me mixed signals here, or am I just being too optimistic? Is she at least leaving things open to friendship? What’s my next move/s if any? I felt we had an emotional connection at some points, and if possible, I want to keep up that spark.
The OCD question here is that after she responded positively to my photo. I had something I wanted to tell her that I thought would've sparked emotions. I think it was about my desire for her or something about the way I felt. I thought about writing it down but decided not to since I've been writing a lot of potential conversation topics down to remember them later with certain people, and I thought here I don't want to be too mechanical. Now I can't remember what it was, and every time I think of what I should write her I keep getting stuck on remembering what it is I was trying to say.
I'd greatly appreciate advice. Thanks for reading this.
am I a bad person? 
Had a meltdown in front of coworker - she's avoiding me now
When anxiety is about real, not perceived situations.
Am I wrong? 
