OCD Messing Up Dates and Conversations

[Winchester2022]

It’s been a while since I posted- for a little background, I am still living with my daughter's mom. My daughter is almost 18, and my wife and I for the last 9 years or so have been living together as friends, with a sort of don't ask don't tell policy, because we didn't want to separate before our she graduates from high school.

Lately I’ve been trying to date but am plagued with OCD over where to go on the date to eat. I have written down so many potential places in the notepad of my iphone. I obsess that it can’t be a place where I bring my daughter because my daughter does not yet know about my status with her mom (although it’s been hinted at a few times before). I worry that if I bring a date to a restaurant and then bring my daughter there, the waiter or waitress will inadvertently say something in front of my daughter related to the woman I was with last time or that it will just be awkward in front of the staff.

I don’t know why this clouds my mind every time I have to text or communicate with a potential date, even if the conversation has nothing to do with where we’ll go to eat. Also, there are thousands of places all over as options where I don’t plan to take my daughter. During conversation my mind just freezes trying to figure out where we’ll go, and then I come off as unnatural. Please help!

Thanks

[Winchester2022]

I left out some important context. I met someone a couple of weeks ago for the first time who I’m crazy about, but didn’t think I’d see her again. She finally told me she was interested to keep meeting after I hadn’t heard from her for a while. Then last night I was trying to coordinate something, and she was responding, but then stopped responding. I think it’s because I sounded unsure of myself and lacked confidence due to OCD. I proposed a place she was interested in but then wrote back with something like “or if you prefer we can go to ….. instead.” No word back from her and my OCD is shooting through the roof.

OCD has ruined too many relationships and opportunities in my life, and I don’t want it to ruin this one! Part of the reason why my ocd is so strong is because I recently got over being sick and taking antibiotics and I’ve just been fatigued.

I really don’t want to ruin this. If she decides not to meet with me anymore I can handle that, but I don’t want it to be because of my ocd.

Thanks

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[Lauragbr in reply to Winchester2022]

There is no way to know why this woman stopped responding. You can blame it on your OCD, but in reality you have no idea. You really don’t know much about her and her life and what she may be going through. Give it a day, if she doesn’t answer try to look at it as her loss.

[Winchester2022 in reply to Lauragbr]

Thanks… should I touch base again after a day? We’ve been in on off communications for two weeks, and I’ve been trying to set up a second meet that whole time.

[Lauragbr in reply to Winchester2022]

You can try to get in touch with her in a day or so. If you don’t hear back from her then it’s time to move on. Remember things like this happen even with people who don’t have OCD!!