I am the mom of a young man with severe/crisis levels of OCD. We all love to travel and explore internationally and also love adventure, but it's incredibly stressful to find places that accommodate our son's needs and holidays end up being exhausting and challenging.
Crazy airports, getting on/off planes timely, close proximity to others (he has meltdowns when stressed), stairs, timetables, forgotten medications (!!) are all things that have plagued us in the past. Does anyone have any tips for how to plan effectively? Or issues that you have run into that we can catalogue to be part of a 'check list' of things to consider?
Many thanks!!
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avm1974
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I understand your concerns because OCD harms psychological flexibility, and one thing you need when you travel is the ability to adapt to the unexpected. Otherwise, as you pointed out accurately, what should be fun can turn very stressful.
Beside making a list of items not to forget, the best thing to do, in my opinion, is to hope for the best and prepare for the worst when you travel with someone who suffers from OCD. There are several ways to increase one's chances for an enjoyable vacation.
1. Your son is a young man, so you could explain to him that traveling is a chance for him to practice exposure and response prevention or ERP. Go through with him about what he learnt in order to manage his OCD when his environment becomes crowded, messy, unreliable, or disappointing. If he accepts that traveling may at times test his fortitude and patience, he will be more ready to react reasonably well when the unexpected happens.
2. On your part, it would be good to make manageable plans given the emotional resources of your son. You probably know what he can handle and what he can't. You need to find the right balance between being overprotective and aiming too high. It also would be helpful to make modifiable plans in case things get out of control. For instance, would it be possible to take longer pauses in order to recover after a stressful episode, or keep in touch with a therapist?
In my opinion, the key is to make realistic vacation plans, stick to them in spite of the difficulties that may arise, but at the same be ready to adapt to unexpected circumstances.
Our son will be 15 in May and he has severe contamination OCD so yes, traveling can be stressful. What works for us:
1) We created a 'go-bag' that he takes whenever we leave the house for more than a quick trip. It has wet wipes, soap sheets, hand sanitizer, special antibacterial soap, plastic gloves and other supplies he might need (changes over time).
2) We always double the amount of time he thinks he needs to get ready to leave when we have to be somewhere (like to catch a plane). He complains but it provides peace of mind that we will make it on time.
3) Whenever possible we book direct flights and he always gets the window seat so that nobody will touch him accidentally. When we board or exit the plane his dad goes in front and I go in back of him.
4) We always plan something fun on the trip that he is really looking forward to so that he is motivated to push through the discomfort and anxiety.
5) When the meltdowns happen before or during the trip, we try to be extra patient and reassuring so he doesn't start spiraling.
6) I accompany him to the bathroom (hopefully a family one is available) so that I can provide assistance when he needs it. For example he won't touch the faucets in a public restroom. This often feels awkward and it is very uncomfortable having to tell people the bathroom is occupied for long periods since he takes at least 15 minutes in the bathroom, but I've gotten over it. I've even had to go into a plane bathroom with him (I just let the stewardess know why).
7) We plan far fewer activities when we travel with him.
8) We ask for help when we need it. For example last year we were on a cruise with him and he ran out of gloves. Can he go to the bathroom with them? Yes, but then he tends to wash his hands for hours (2+). We ended up going to the infirmary and they gave us a box. We also took advantage of the disabled services at Disneyland to avoid him being in long crowded lines.
The struggle with OCD is that our kids look so normal and most people have no idea how debilitating OCD is. I no longer apologize for the strange behavior, I just calmly explain our situation, and most people are empathetic.
I can appreciate that you are trying to help your son, but I know that care givers can sometimes enable OCD compulsions. Accommodating his OCD only reinforces the OCD loop and teaches him that he needs someone around for reassurance. I don't know where he is with his treatment, but a lot of the things you mention seem like great opportunities for ERP.
I'm not really familiar with holidays (I'm on a low income, and can't afford them!) but appreciate that going somewhere you don't know and encountering new things can be tricky for someone with OCD.
How about taking a holiday closer to home? So many beautiful places in England and a holiday let like a cottage or Landmark Trust property could be much less stressful for your son.
Such an option, involving self-catering, would mean that it's more like a home from home. His OCD could be managed more easily, I think, as you wouldn't be reliant on other people. Fewer encounters with strangers, no airports to navigate - and if you're out in the countryside it could be calming for him.
At the top of any checklist before going away should be his medication - make sure he has adequate supplies, separate from his home medication, and pack them well in advance in a piece of luggage or bag you won't leave behind.
In anticipation of a big trip could be an opportunity to ramp up ERP and try to get some traction on it, so that they can enjoy the trip itself, rather than being constantly distracted by their symptoms.
Reading through these comments I'm a bit concerned. I'm not sure where you are at with treatment with your son, but I would think that you should accommodate his OCD as little as necessary (ideally not at all). Care givers can often enable the obsessions and this hurts overall recovery. It teaches OCD suffers that their fears are rational and reinforces the OCD loop. It can also make them dependent on their caregiver for reassurance, and not themselves.
As others have said yes, traveling for him may be more difficult, but it is an excellent opportunity for him to practice his ERP. He may need to take some more time to relax or recover if he has an OCD flare up, but he should seek to travel as "normally" as possible without giving in to compulsions.
When we travel with my son, age 16, we request a wheelchair. It allows us to move him through the airport in a timely manner. I take the wheelchair all the way to the vehicle and he only has to get in.
The last time we were at a hotel, he could not get in the doors, so I told the front desk that he had a disorder and feel free to call security if he did not stop opening and closing the doors. The front desk clerk kindly went up to him and helped him inside. This is something I cannot do because he tunes me out. So my advice is to be honest with others and you may receive kind gestures.
One day, we just restricted him to the room. He needed a break and so did we. He had TV, his phone, and a great beach view to watch the poeple. We brought him food. We did not leave the property.
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