Bummed out In a hole I hate money

[Skjones]

I'm trying to male things easier on me and my wife by trying to consolidate our debts so we save money and pay less interest my wife thought I was doing this to have her pay money into some of the debts that are mine and only 2 of 8 are mine and I didn't include even though I would like to my medical debt from my hospitalization for my ocd depression ect that was uninsured. Because she thinks it my bill to deal with because she thought I faked it for attention. But when I asked her for some help to help pay some down because I was had no money after bills she said no and why should she I asked her what if it were for something other than mental health then she said she would but she doesn't belive it's a thing, I'm so f'ing down and upset I've been thinking alot about it she says she loves me but feels like she can not depend on me for various things due to my actions in the past and never gives me a chance to show that I have learned from those mistakes and also I noticed that she's less affectionate with me and more distant. She says things just go in a circle and yes they have with some of our problems but she never wants to work on them or talk about what things are bothering her I just feel alone unloved and empty. Iam I in a bad marriage when your partner refuses to belive in your condition and ignores you don't want to talk or compromise she says I should be taking care of her and I do I think but her thought is I should be working g more and she shouldn't have to be working as hard and I know she has but I don't ask for money or her to buy me things I only ask for 750 a paycheck for our house hold bills rent gas electric water none of it goes to me personally and I use all but maybe 100 to 200 a paycheck towards bills she feels like we are unequal so what did I do I got a 2nd job on top of my 6 days a week(to of those days 12 hour days) we make the same hourly but she has a second job as well making less than my 2nd job but still says it's not equal. I know it's not good for me to work that much it takes a hard toll on my ocd and depression I'm trying to get us in a place she wants to be like getting a house and what not but I can only do so much and it doesn't seem to matter to her even though I've told her what lack of sleep and not being able to have time to work on stuff or do things that calm my ocd and what kot down do to me but it doesn't seem like she wants anything from me bur to do nothing but work and help her accomplish her goals. I have given her books and resources to help show her and help her maybe upstand what I go through but she hasn't touched them . Am I in a bad marriage I can't tell and right know I don't know what lies ahead other than work

[Hidden]

Sounds very similar to what my wife and I went through. And, since you asked these are my thoughts. A major problem is you both have the "my" debt and "your'' debt. As a married couple it needs to be "our" debt. In my opinion a consolidation loan is not a good idea. We followed Dave Ramsey's plan and were successful with it. I highly recommend it. It works!

My wife reacted the same way when I gave her information to read. Not going to speculate why but it may be a common response from one who doesn't have OCD. My father had OCD as well and as a kid I heard all the same things from my mother and relatives.

Do you have a therapist? If so, does is he/she specialize in OCD? Spending money on a therapist can be another source of contention if not already so. If therapy whether just beginning or continuing is not an option then you can do what I did and research and read all I could on OCD. I was diagnosed but the specialized therapy that exists today was not available to me. Let the effect it's having on your marriage be a motivation for you (as much as possible) to overcome some of your difficulties.

If you know of someone she respects that understands about OCD perhaps they can talk with her. It sounds like some marriage councelling may be in order as well if she would be willing.

I'll end by saying OCD is an extremely difficult thing to deal with in all areas of life. IOCDF.org and JustinKHughes.com are great places to start.

Good luck.

[Skjones in reply to Hidden]

I am currently on a waiting list for a specialist and I don't view my debt your debt it's her and I get it's hard for her she has been on her ow. Since she was 16 she is 40 now and money is a big thing for her as far as fear goes it was just her and her son up until 5 years ago when we got together thank you for your view point it helps and thank you for the resources

[Hidden in reply to Skjones]

I wish you the best.