Stuck in a rut

[SerenaL8r]

Does anyone else ever get in a terrible rut, of almost obsessing over the fact that you're worried you won't be able to ever stop your thoughts or cure OCD?

For example, I've been having anxiety, thinking of my usual thoughts I've been having, but thinking to myself that these thoughts will never go away, and I'll just always be stuck thinking of these things for the rest of my life.. so now it's like I have OCD, over my OCD, if that makes any sense.

I do start Lexapro (Escitalopram) Tomorrow. My doctor wanted me to start with 20 mg, as my intrusive thoughts/anxiety have had me panic more lately, but I think I'm gonna take half and start with 10.

I took Escitalopram years ago, and it either didn't help, or I didn't give it enough time to - although, after I stopped taking it, I didn't have anxiety/OCD for YEARS. So maybe it actually did what it was intended.

I'm just so worried that I'll be stuck like this forever. I'm also going to try and schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist who specializes in OCD, but i really hope the meds do something in the mean time. I hate living like this.

[deValentin]

Medication may help for a while, but once you stop taking it, OCD symptoms usually return. It's why psychotherapy is important (in conjunction or not with medication).

It's possible indeed that "you won't be able to ever stop your thoughts or cure OCD". It's also possible that you may overcome OCD. It's your present state of mind that gives more credibility, in your eyes, to the first possibility than the second one. If morale was good, you would be more optimistic. However, you need to see progress in order to boost your morale.

What's bad for morale is feeling trapped. Dwelling on the possibility that your unwanted thoughts will never go away is not a satisfying option. You say yourself that you hate living like this. Another option would be to stop ruminating on the worst-case scenario and start to engage in OCD-free activities. This is the leap of faith option. The problem is that you may not feel presently enthusiastic about that second option. So, you feel stuck, which is not a pleasant situation.

To unstuck yourself, why not choose, after deliberation, the best option in the long run, and show some enthusiasm, as far as possible, towards it. It takes some efforts at first, results aren't immediate, but if you choose a particular course of action with some enthusiasm, you have a better chance to be satisfied with the results over time.

[Lauragbr]

Totally agree with deValentin. The psychiatrist will give you the medication, but you need a psychologist who specializes in OCD to teach you the tools you should use. Instead of worrying “ will I be this way always”, something you will never get an answer to, try being in the moment. Mindfulness has helped me quite a bit.

[SerenaL8r in reply to Lauragbr]

I do see people mention mindfulness a lot when it comes to terms of OCD. Could you give me a bit of insight on that? Is that just being positive towards myself in remembering that I suffer from OCD? Like to talk good to myself, stuff like that?

[Lauragbr in reply to SerenaL8r]

Jon Hershfield wrote a book called Mindfulness for OCD. It will help you understand what to do. Basically mindfulness is just “ being in the moment “, because the moment you are in is the only moment you have. When you are in the moment, you use all your senses to see, hear, feel, etc, what is happening then. It helps get you out of the “ what if” thinking. It’s not easy, it takes practice. I also meditate daily. There are some great meditation aps, I use Insight Timer, but there is also Calm, Headspace and others. But I really encourage you to get Jon’s book. You can get it on Amazon. I hope this helps. We are all in this together. It’s not fun to have this disorder but it can be managed.

[Coffeelove4444 in reply to Lauragbr]

Very well said. We cannot cure OCDbut we can successfully manage it with some helpful tools and support 👍

[RUtalkingtome]

Have you tried weed? It comes in edibles.

[SerenaL8r in reply to RUtalkingtome]

I do have CBD gummies that I do nibble on time to time, I don't really like the feeling of being "too high" or anything. I had an awful experience of IV benadryl from the ER back in December, and I've been terrified of pain meds, side effects of other medications, or getting "high" since then. That experience totally ruined anxiety over side effects for me.

[Hidden in reply to SerenaL8r]

Edibles last longer, but in small doses or drops and a Dr supervising and being updated, COULD be worth a shot. Depending on what you've already tried.

[Sallyskins in reply to RUtalkingtome]

Quite honestly I would counsel against using cannabis as a drug in any form (except to wear - it's a great fibre for clothing!) There are numerous cases of cannabis-induced psychosis - and that's not what you need if you have OCD! There are medical uses for cannabis, but I think any non-prescription psychotropic drug is to be approached with caution.

[Hidden in reply to Sallyskins]

I got Cannabis prescribed for O.C.D. as someone who has tried most medications. Though, it could effect anyone differently. It helps me personally. Stops the ruminating, helps me get unstuck a little. Too much of any medicine is bad though so be sure if it's something you try, talk with a Dr... And it's more of a short relief to help you, and not something you would rely on.

[Sallyskins in reply to Hidden]

Fair enough - and if it's medical grade cannabis! I should be wary of buying it off the street if you're using it for pharmaceutical purposes! I think I'd better give this one a miss, though - my head is addled enough already!

[Hidden in reply to Sallyskins]

Very fair! Hope it didn't sound like I was recommending it either, I wouldn't tell anyone to try it without talking to a Dr, especially nowadays. Take care

[RUtalkingtome]

My OCD was dormant for years at a time, sometimes just months at a time. But it's still there and often triggered back to full blown from an encounter or unpleasant experience. My thoughts of people not liking me for something I may have said or done are recently overwhelming me, but all the doom and gloom I forecast in my mind never comes to reality. This is actually the easy part. I have to learn to deal with confrontations when they actually happen and not be plagued forever over every particular incident. I need to learn to accept adversity and move on, like most people!!!!!

When we OCDers constantly recycle these horrible thoughts we're not processing them like most people who let their thoughts vanish in an instant, never to be heard from in their minds again.

This is the burden of our mental illness, it's not our fault we have the illness of OCD, but we need to keep trying to ease our suffering so we can live longer. OCD shortens life expectancy from being nervous wrecks all the time.

I think people with OCD have a higher moral character than most, because we're reject our horrible thoughts. It's because we have a moral core deep within.

Unlike people who participate in dog fighting, as an example. They have no anxiety or feelings of remorse for the savagery and suffering they create; they sleep well at night. I can't imagine anyone of us on this site thinking this would be OK.

I'm finding therapy and exercise are my best bet. Have you tried some resistance training? It calms me down for awhile. Not perfect, but there are some benefits.

[SerenaL8r in reply to RUtalkingtome]

What's resistance training? Is that where I'd resist the thoughts? Or is it something different? I've been trying to do my own CBT, and replace thoughts with something else, such as saying "STOP" and snapping my fingers or something. I just started my first dose of Lexapro (Escitalopram) about an hour ago as well. My doctor wanted me to start at 20 mg, but I was scared of going that high right off the rip, so I'm doing 10 mg.

[Lauragbr in reply to SerenaL8r]

Do not resist the thoughts!! This is why you need an OCD therapist. Resisting the thoughts makes them stronger because you are sending your brain the signal that these thoughts are important. The idea is to allow the thoughts to be there but don’t engage with them. This is very difficult because the thoughts are not pleasant to say the least. Staying with the thoughts gives you anxiety. But if you stay with the anxiety it will eventually lessen. IOCDF.org has many good resources and videos .

[Sallyskins in reply to RUtalkingtome]

I don't know about having a higher moral character - I certainly don't claim that for myself! But the fact that we do reject the unpleasant thoughts means that we are not what those thoughts are trying to tell us.

[RUtalkingtome in reply to Sallyskins]

The morality thing is something my therapist mentioned. She said people with OCD are more likely to be the victims of bullying and violence, not the perptetraitors. She also said that people with OCD actually commit less of the acts they abhor in their minds then people without OCD. I guess that's what she meant by moral character. Maybe she was just giving me a pep talk.

[Sallyskins in reply to RUtalkingtome]

I'm sure it was not just a pep talk. I think that on the whole, people with OCD are conscientious and caring. But morality is a big subject, and I for one don't like to claim any moral supremacy!

[RUtalkingtome in reply to Sallyskins]

i agree, no interest in riding on a high horse, just trying to stay out of trouble 😆. But on average, the people I've known with OCD demonstrate a little more empathy than the people I know without it. That's my experience anyway.

[Hidden in reply to RUtalkingtome]

Thank you for this post, I've said similar things about the morality of O.C.D. As a man with mental illness, and O.C.D. being so misunderstood... It makes me not want to try... I tried to give up twice, and even after it seems like no one understands....

Will never hurt myself again, but I'm officially sad and I used to say I loved everyone except myself... Losing steam, but hope to get it back

[Sallyskins in reply to Hidden]

Plenty of support for you here! Too many people don't understand but we all do here.

I had a difficult time where I worked many years ago - it being a large open plan office. My OCD got really bad - I didn't actually know it was OCD then - hadn't heard of it - but I do remember so many of my colleagues shouting at me. Not nice.

I notice that you describe yourself as a 'man with mental illness'. I don't think that OCD is easy for anyone, male or female, but I do appreciate that rigid sex stereotypes put a different kind of pressure on men, who are expected to 'man up'. Don't let this put extra pressure on you. Mental illness afflicts many sorts of people, and it isn't an indication of weakness.

[RUtalkingtome]

actually lifting weights or doing situps or pushups. Doesn't have to be really heavy resistance but enough where you feel strain after about 10 repetitions. There are plenty of youtube videos about basic resistance training.

[Joseph46]

how do you feel so far with the escitalopram? I’m 1 week in trying Sertraline. Same issue: OCD and depression. Side effects minimal so far at 25 mg. I hope you are well

[SerenaL8r in reply to Joseph46]

I feel like my intrusive thoughts and anxiety is a bit worse atm, I'm only on day 2 of Escitalopram, and I know it can take weeks to do anything. But it's so scary

[Nothing_but_books]

Ya, it makes sense, and -- forgive me -- it's hysterical. We're anxious that we're anxious. We obsess over being obsessive.

[Lauragbr]

it takes awhile, give it time.