Implicit flashbacks or false memory - please help

[obsessinganne]

So, I have what I hope to be a false memory. But I recently looked up different types of flashbacks and there is one called “implicit” where you feel like the present moment is causing the flashback/is the flashback.

While going through these “flashbacks” I remember thinking that it felt like it took part of the present moment to make it feel so real. No details came with the memory, but they popped up whenever I’d ruminate about possibly harming someone.

Does this mean I was actually having flashbacks of harming someone or could this still be a false memory? I’m so confused, scared and tired, please reply if you can/want.

[obsessinganne]

Also if anyone has experienced anything similar, please let me know! I haven’t read similar false memory experiences to mine and it’s made me paranoid that my OCD diagnosis is incorrect.

[alexandraisobsessed IOCDF Advocate]

Hello there,

It sounds like you have a lot of uncertainty around these flashbacks and diagnosis. I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time.

Are you able to sit with this uncertainty and possibly resist researching? What would that look like for you?

It can be so hard to know when OCD is creeping up and when we have a valid concern. What I like to do in those moments is resist whatever action my mind is telling me I MUST do or whatever problem it's saying I MUST solve and check in with myself to see if those desires are coming from a place of panic or not. If I feel panic and urgency associated with my behavior or ruminations I can often tell that it's OCD and treat it accordingly.

I hope this helps

[Hidden]

Hi Anne,I think Alexandra is giving you good advice. OCD hates gray areas and uncertainty. I've found over the years that when I feel like I MUST do or know or check something RIGHT NOW (unless I smell smoke or gas) that that frantic quality signals OCD. The more you can tolerate doubt & uncertainty the better. Not saying it's easy, but with practice you can do this. Sending hugs ❤️

[MyOCD123]

Hi Anne,

So sorry you are going through this right now - I know firsthand how hard this theme can be. After a successful year of therapy and two years of managing on my own here are a few things I’ve learned that tremendously help me:

1. Using the term “false memory” is probably only going to worsen your obsession and rumination. Let’s not give OCD that much credit. A false memory is not actually a memory - it is just another intrusive thought that OCD uses to try to trap us and keep us chained to our compulsions.

2. Embrace the uncertainty. No one is entitled to one hundred percent certainty in their life so why should we be? This is another lie OCD is telling you. We can in fact tolerate not knowing and continue to live a values based life. On the minuscule chance me or you did do something harmful to someone else than that person or other people will let us know — but in the meantime let’s try our best to tolerate not knowing.

3. Be kind to yourself. Living with OCD is no walk in the park and we are brave and strong enough to continue fighting every day. OCD is going to try to tell you lots of nasty lies about yourself but just remember that these are ego dystonic and not synonymous with who we really are. I already live with one bully in my brain and I certainly don’t need to add to that with negative self talk and neither do you.

4. Remember to not engage with these thoughts other than to say “maybe, I don’t know” or “sure, that would suck”. Looking for details that aren’t there is only going to make thing worse. Try agreeing with the thought or just acknowledging it and then move on — doing this will totally throw OCD for a loop and desensitizes our brain to recognize that these thoughts are not actually harmful.

5. Know that you are not alone!!! People have all sorts of weird, violent, sexual, creepy intrusive thoughts — even those without OCD. If you think you’re the only one with a particular thought or “false memory” don't be mistaken. OCD is really not that original. 🤣

Hang in there and know that you are not alone in this. You have a great community here who is ready to support you and lift you up. Hope you are feeling better!