false memory struggles

[mrpurple]

Hi, this is my first time posting on this website but things have been getting complicated recently and I could use some advice. I've been struggling with false memory ocd for a while now, it started back in mid-May but it stopped in early June and didn't come back until around September. Since then it's been a back and forth battle between me and my ocd. I've had some positive stuff come from it, I don't get headaches anymore, it's not as extreme as it used to be and I'm able to counter everything it says with evidence I have. Ever since I noticed that I was imagining these images and not actually remembering them it hasn't had a lot of power over me in that department, but it does still get frustrating with the things it brings up and it twists real memories I've had to make it stronger but I know they're fake. What I am concerned about is how long will this be in my head for, it has taken months away from me and I don't want this to continue into the new year. At this point I'm not even anxious anymore, im just tired of it and I want it to go. If anyone has any advice for me then please send it.

[FirstResponder23]

hello,

I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. I am struggling, and have struggled with that same type of feeling about my ocd before. One thing I’ve learned when talking to my therapist is that I can’t wish for it to be gone and wonder when it will be. That’s called crystal ball thinking and it is also ocd. To wonder when/if it will go away. Instead, I take that thought and I turn it into an ocd statement. I label it, and say “I notice that you want me to put a timeline on this ocd. I am noticing you want me to question if this will ever get better. I am not playing this game with you. I am moving on with my day, and it will be what it will be today.”

I try to look at each day as the day only. I try my hardest not to look at time frames and how long it has been. That only reinforces my ocd. Instead, say that today was today, and tomorrow will be what it is, and I will move forward then as well. I hope this helps!

[mrpurple in reply to FirstResponder23]

Thank you so much for your advice. I can't lie it is hard to not think that as I had an ocd experience that went for over 8 months and I don't want that happening again, but I will try. How do you keep yourself in the present day? It feels like for me no matter what it takes me out of the present, I usually react well to it but sometimes I have this moments where I forget my techniques and just go head to head with my ocd

[FirstResponder23 in reply to mrpurple]

I was in your EXACT position not too long ago. I had many points when ocd became loud, but that was a mix of changing times and me not taking my medicine regularly. However, recently I was taken back because I had been taking my medicine consistently, but I still had an episode. I felt completely blindsided. I thought because I was on my medicine that I wouldn’t have any issues.

However, I learned through therapy that I can still have periods of time where ocd is loud, even being in my meds. And I say it like this because this is a great way my therapist explained it. OCD never “goes away” we always have it there poking at us. We may not recognize it, but ocd is there. So I like to talk about these times as ocd being louder then others. This meaning that it is really at the forefront of my mind and it is constantly annoying me and being “loud” when I don’t have these times and I’m feeling really good, ocd is “quiet.” OCD is still there. Trying to poke its way back in different ways. But it’s quiet and I don’t notice it. So I have to be on top of my exercises even more.

As for staying in the present moment, it’s a matter of practice. I’ve had so many loud periods followed by quiet moments. Each time I try to look at what I can do to be better for the next time it is loud. Right now I try that as soon as I notice OCD getting loud, I don’t get upset about it. I used to get very frustrated and worried that it was coming back. And that emotion just played into ocd’s hand. Instead, try addressing ocd as a person. I personally picture it as that blob from the mucinex commercials. I picture it poking and pushing me. So when it gets loud I imagine turning to it and say in my head “I hear you ocd, thank you for tagging along today. However, I have things to do and I am not acknowledging you right now”

There will be times we forget our techniques. It’s totally normal because we are in a fight or flight mode. It’s a matter of training our minds to not label whatever is bothering us as something that is dangerous.

[mrpurple in reply to FirstResponder23]

I actually did something like that, before all of this started I treated it as if a friend was saying it and I responded to it as such and it didn't say anything after that, but since this started it's just been me vs ocd.

Rn I'm able to stop myself from overthinking, i get little anxiety from intrusive thoughts and fake images and I'm able to respond well to them. I will try to use your techniques to stay in the present. Just one last question - I don't get a lot of images from my ocd, I know they're fake and I know how and why it does this to keep me in the loop I understand the tricks it does to keep me afraid, like making them so I put my attention on them so it can create more false imagery.

I realised that these came from these arguments me and it have and most of the time I'm lucky enough to not overthink. I do have slip ups and go into battles with it and it makes it a bit more difficult resisting, how successful have you been when trying to resist going head to head with ocd and did you ever get moments of freedom from it? It feels like it's the only thing in my head atm

[FirstResponder23 in reply to mrpurple]

My success has been based on how much work I put in. I have always had success (and I judge my success with ocd to getting to a point where I don’t even notice ocd and the noise it does make I can shrug off without missing a step of my daily activity) when I put in the hard work to face ocd. It’s more so how long it takes me to get the ocd quiet that I have an issue with because so many times I let ocd be loud and I don’t challenge it. I went so many year of my life, before I was diagnosed, doing rituals. I’m sure this is what has made it so hard for me to break the cycle when it does get stuck.

[Downinil]

All I can think of is to accept that you’ve done everything rationally in your power to resolve the issue and let it be. If you need emotional support dealing with it we are always here to chat.