I went to see my ex yesterday, i think because another boy has been kind of interested ive not been fussed about my ex and been feeling good about myself again. Felt angry everytime i thought of the way he treated me and started to think i was actually coming close to being over him completly.
I guess i wanted to see him to rub in how happy i was now, and what he lost.
Anyway it felt a bit awkward, felt like i was really having to make an effort to think of things to say to avoid any silences. then came the question from him "have you been seeing anybody?"
so i replied with a yes ive been sort of seeing this guy ive known for years.
Its safe to say he was annoyed by this fact. he thought we was meeting up to discuss getting back together. i said how could we ever do that when nothing had been resolved.
i asked him if had been with anyone else? in which he told me it was none of my business and didnt matter as we wasnt getting back together. Then he said something dispicable about casual sex which i wont repeat but basically sounded like he had been sleeping around.
This bothered me and still does. makes me feel sick.
We started to talk about our relationship, i told him he seemed to change when i went to uni and was so angry about everything.
He explained it was because he couldnt handle the long distance but loved me too much to let me go.
i told him he should have put me out of my misery and not make me endure the horribleness that was the time between october and march.
Its weird i kind of felt like i had a bit of closure on how he treated me.
I asked him if we could hug goodbye and we did, he was clearly upset, so i felt bad then.
Ive just recieved a text off him now to say how sorry he is for the way he treated me towards the end. he said i didnt deserve it and i was a good girlfriend despite the way he treated me. he said he didnt want to stop hugging yesterday and he misses being with me. and he hopes im happy.
i felt quite emotional in reading this. i just have an over whelming urge to go see him and talk more. dont no if its just the last 3+ months being relised from me and hearing the words "im sorry"
ive always been under the impression he thought he was right and wasnt sorry for anything he had done.
so confused now.
the lad im seeing (sort of now) wont last i dont think, it doesnt make me happy really, its just confusing and a bit hot and cold. ive been scared about breaking it off i think because then i have nothing, not that its much of anything anyway. and i dont no if its my imagination or if it is how i see it etc.
Just needed to vent....