blog rant

[lauren1986]

I hate the overwhelming feeling of guilt that comes with depression, for me at the moment it feels like the worse part and time after time i have said to myself i havent done anything wrong yet i blame myself all the time i hate it. Does anyone else feel this way ??

[Gary1972]

Hi i constantly feel like this, although i feel guilty as if all that has happened is my fault, my head won't stop spinning and always causing it to pound.

[feelingdown]

I know exactly how you feel. I am 48 years old and feel totally unfulfilled with life. My children have grown up and all but lead their own lives, my husband just gets on with things and I feel there is no point. I was made redundant from my administration manager job almost two years ago and thought I had coped quite well. I took time out over the first summer and then tried to get back into employment. Although I am a very capable person, I just go to pieces at interview. I managed to get myself along to one this morning and thought it was going well until I was asked to do a 'pc test'. I am a totally capable person normally but I couldn't even type my name this morning and left the interview in a state. What is wrong with me? I am a mess and can't see any way out. I feel useless although I know I am not. I just can't 'perform' or try to sell myself, it all feels so false and a total waste of time. Things got so bad that I tried to take an overdose last May but I couldn't even manage to do that successfully. Then my cousin died of a heartattack a month later and I was totally devastated. I had counselling but was only allocated six appointments and then told my issues were longstanding and so if I need further counselling I should contact my GP. I feel totally hopeless. It is my daughters birthday on Saturday and she doesn't want to know me due to issues with her boyfriend. She is having a baby, our first grandchild, in August and I just don't want to know because I know the pain that its arrival will cause especially when her boyfriend starts to use it as a pawn to get what he wants from my family. I think things would be better all round if I was no longer here. I feel empty.

[Hidden]

Hi, you are not alone, I feel guilty all the time. So blame myself for things which are out of my control and not my fault. It must just be part of the depression. Hence my name - no-one because that's what I feel like - just a no-one.

[lauren1986]

its hard isnt it and yeh i feel like a nobody at times too i know its other people that have made me feel this way but i feel straight away well i must be a bad person and i deserve it.

[SueBeeSue]

Hi, You certainly are not alone on this one. Everything that goes wrong I think is my fault.

I'm currently on a waiting list for CBT and decided to try a free online course whilst I was waiting. In one of the exercises I had to record an 3 events that provoked a reaction in me (positive or negative) and in all of them, guilt is a common feeling - interesting eh? I've just started the course so can't say how useful it's going to be, but it's works on the basis that events provoke thoughts, which provoke feelings, which provoke behaviours. So basically if we can change the way we think about things, the rest can change too. Part of it for me is recognising the the thoughts for what they are and although it sounds logical and simple, I hadn't really thought about the connection with feelings and behaviours before. As I say, it's too soon to say how useful it is as I've only just started, but there is a post in the Action on Depression Blog which lists a number of online resources if others want to give it a try. The one I'm using is MoodGym. I'd be interested to know how others have/are finding these online resources. I'm sure changing the way I think isn't going to be an overnight thing but I'm not niave enough to think something this engrained is going to be solved with a quick fix. Take care. Sue xx

[feelingdown]

I feel like anything that goes wrong must be my fault in some way although I know in my heart that it isn't. It is strange, like you have logical thoughts and then feel you must be to blame. I had counselling but was only allowed six sessions...at the end the counselor said my issues were deep rooted and longterm and I should ask my GP to rerefer me for further sessions but that all takes more time...I don't understand why you don't just get the number of sessions required to make thing easier....I feel if I go back I will have to start from square one again. It all seems such a waste of time and I don't think I have the energy to go through it all again and then there is the stigma that goes along with depressive issues....sometimes you just wonder if it is better to just suffer in silence.

[Photogeek]

Its very normal to feel excessive guilt when your Depressed, I often feel guilty even though deep down I know I am a good person. Try and remember its the Depression, also concentrate on yourself, let your daughter and her boyfriend get on with their own life, dont interfere, and things might sort themselves out. You have a lot going on, but until you get your Depression managed right, nothing will be right, so I suggest you go and have a talk about your feelings to your GP, naturally they cant fix your life, and your row with daughter etc, and your job situation, you have a lot of stuff. Just concentrate on yourself, and getting yourself right, things will get easier. Take it one step at a time, it all didnt happen overnight, and I guess it will not get sorted overnight either.

[66misty]

I am always getting told off for always thinking its me and what I have done. Sometimes we have to admit that others make mistakes too. I have been trying this approach. I'm not finding it easy to change my mindset. My partner is having custody battles with his ex and even though I have nothing to do with it I still feel as though I've done something wrong. Which is stupid.

I have to try and leave it to them and just accept it'd their ear and not mine. I can only help by being supportive.

Depression make you worse when feel you can't fix things and some times you have to admit you can't so you don't go crazy. X

[lauren1986]

feel really down this morn i turned 27 in jan and i spent hours in tears because it finally hit me that if i didnt have my kids or husband that i would of spent that day alone with one bd card and ive just found out this morn that my bro and his daughter sent our sister in law a crd but he didnt send me one i dnt get it !! on top of that i was supposed to be going out to dinner sun for mothers day now thats been cancelled and im stuck in house again!! this might seem trivial to others but when ure stuck in house everyday and jst going for dinner or food shopping is all u have to look forward to its heartbreaking when it gets taken away .

[feelingdown]

Lauren, try to focus on the good things you have in your life...children and husband. Nothing else really matters. Your brother has probably just had other things on his mind and didn't realise the importance of sending you a card. I am also dreading Mothers Day as this will be the first year that I don't have the closeness of my daughter and it is made worse by the fact that it is her birthday tomorrow and she is due our first grandchild in August. We have to try to realise what we can change and focus on what is good for us as rounded individuals. Hopefully Sunday will be a nice sunny day and you can get outside with your family and enjoy some quality time without any external pressures. Be positive and try to turn that frown upside down...smiling does help although I know it can be hard to achieve. xx