Is cooking important : Is it important... - Mental Health Sup...

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Is cooking important

Shilpa08
Shilpa08

Is it important for a girl to know cooking after marriage does cooking a parameter for a good daughter in law and a housewife I just hate cooking I can’t feed anybody that’s why I hate myself I am not good enough

22 Replies
oldestnewest

You can work in other ways, depends what you want to and how you want to contribute - some will power, though and you will get through all hurdles and handicaps you have - don't stress - all natural - you like to eat, taste and naturally you cook foods you like, most people but stress not

Shilpa08
Shilpa08
in reply to Indieabc

But what if I don’t like it and I don’t want to

Indieabc
Indieabc
in reply to Shilpa08

That’s fine Do you do cleaning Active studies or something?

Shilpa08
Shilpa08
in reply to Indieabc

Yeah I am good at managing things keeping them at places etc but here I don’t feel like doing anything at all

Indieabc
Indieabc
in reply to Shilpa08

Depression, stress and boredom is probably making you feel worse and worse. Anyway you can lighten mood, reading, watching television or youtube videos?

Shilpa08
Shilpa08
in reply to Indieabc

I try but don’t feel like that also the whole house revolves around food only my mother in law always want to do something or the other in the kitchen she is an expert and I feel zero in front of her

Indieabc
Indieabc
in reply to Shilpa08

Just watch and learn!

Shilpa08
Shilpa08
in reply to Indieabc

Anyway I have decided to leave the house I can’t stay here anymore as I can’t match their mental level

Indieabc
Indieabc
in reply to Shilpa08

Well, at least you tried - it is important to do your own thing. All the best.

Indieabc
Indieabc
in reply to Shilpa08

By the way, are you degree person?

Shilpa08
Shilpa08
in reply to Indieabc

Yes I am Mba

Indieabc
Indieabc
in reply to Shilpa08

That explains, a lot of your frustration - you need your own career!

Indieabc
Indieabc
in reply to Shilpa08

What do you major/study in?

My daughter in law could not cook ,but she watches and ask if she can help me I let her try not give up .you are special in your own way I have been there and done this also,just ask her you never know I did

I learned to cook when I was eight years old, my Surrogate had me preparing vegetables and making puddings. I was using an oven at ten years old, an old gas one from the 1940s.

I could make soup, prepare meals and cook them, I found this learning was something that has served me well throughout my life.

I still cook and prepare vegetables, although these days I prepare the vegetables and my wife cooks them, It is an important thing that can be undertaken together. Sometimes I wonder if I am an exception although we need to eat and it becomes important if you prepare a meal it is cheaper. especially if you learn to bake

Yes I understand people have lost this art and rely on prepared food from supermarkets etc

I look in the fridges and see packets of mashed potato and prepared vegetable sad to say I find that quite amusing.

There are night classes people can attend to learn how to cook.

I feel family and in laws would expect you to be able to prepare and cook food, however in the schools I attended there we cookery classes for girls. Males even had the choice of attending Metalwork or Cookery I chose the former

BOB

This depends on the culture of your country and how men or women are valued. This used to be the case in the UK many years ago, but thank goodness we have moved a long way past that now. Women are no longer seen as 'just' housewives and baby bearing machines but as valuable contributors to the outside world ie in the jobs market too.

I can't cook and hate domestic work so I would go mad in a country that limits me to a life only inside the home.

Hello B.

As above I am Male and can cook, I was also shown how to do housework.

I had inclusive education by my Surrogate, as a child. Woman Lib or not I learned to look after myself. I suppose I must have had a strange upbringing. In my teens I cooked my meals in the canteen supplied by my employer

BOB

I read the posters post as not so much about cooking, but about the expectations and role a wife is supposed to have. I am talking objectively, not subjectively. x

B.

It mentions cooking in the blog, I mentioned that was in context of what was discussed.

However it is and was what it was, ?.

How are your getting on, regards this Virus and lock down. ?

I had a nasty fall and I am cut up and shaken, so my confidence took a real knock.

Wednesday I see the nurse so I suppose the GP will need to check me over. I fell onto my head and that in turn shook up the neck joints and spine. so I am having terrible headaches and dizziness. It feels like when I try and turn my neck I also feel shivery, in pain and dizzy.

BOBx

c-mac
c-mac
in reply to borderriever

Aw, man, hang in there. Sorry that happened.

Your last post, where you say you are leaving, is very sad. I don't know what culture you are from but it does sound like your mother-in-law ruled the roost as far as cooking is concerned and her son has been brought up to expect the same skills from you - or does he? Do you 'feel' disapproval from him that perhaps isn't there but more to do with your own feelings about yourself and your assumed expectations from others?

Have you ever approached your mother-in-law to say exactly what you told us? Or is she disapproving of the fact that you don't like cooking? You may find that she actually feels that the situation suits her, as she is 'resident cook' and by doing that, her OWN value within the family is maintained. However, if she is always 'putting you down' about it, then you should not be bullied in your own home.

You are obviously intelligent and sensitive. Your husband must have known from the beginning that you hate cooking and are not good at it (unless it was an arranged marriage). He probably appreciates the fact that you do other things in the house as you say that you are good at managing other things in the house. I am not a good housekeeper and terrible cook, though I like gardening and little 'projects', like painting the shed and garden furniture for instance.

In most cultures, men tend to be the ones who become chefs, at least well-known chefs. I know of less than a handful of women who become well-known chefs, whereas I could reel off the names of an enormous amount of famous male chefs yet, for some reason, cooking in the home is seen as 'women's work' by a lot of people (usually by older generations), so you could throw that into the mix to see how they react, as it's not out of the question that your husband could do some cooking and your mother-in-law might find it easier to accept her own son helping out (but there again, she might not WANT help).

If you like your mother-in-law, then perhaps you could tell her what you DO like doing and where your skills lie. She may say, 'I'd be so pleased for you to carry on organising the house as you do it so well, while I can concentrate on the cooking.' Tell your husband that you hate cooking but you are happy to keep the house organised/do the garden (or whatever) and his mother is very happy for you to concentrate on that.

Don't be so hard on yourself. It must be more difficult if your culture expects that 'every woman should cook for her man', but times are changing. Don't let your own expectations of yourself ruin your life. Find out exactly what they DO expect of you. They may be relieved that you don't try to cook!

No! You just be you. Whomever loves you will love you for who you are! Bad cook included. I recommend you date chefs.

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