Depression

[burgerbun01]

Hi.

I was first put on anti depressants when I was 16, but when I was 19 I came off them.

In 2023, unfortuantely multiple 'bad' things happened - I've dealt with grief of the passing of so many family members and I was put through sexual and physical abuse.

I got EDMR for PSTD. I went through the counselling.

I feel like I have tried everything.

I changed my hair, and my look, I started exercising every day, I went out more, I went out less, I drank, I stopped drinking, I forced myself to meet new people, then I closed myself in, I travelled across the world, I came back, I dated other people, I stopped doing the dating thing, I showed up, to not turn up, I did all of these different things and nothing works.

I hate everything about myself. I hate my entire being. I want to shed the skin I'm in. I want to bleach my body. I don't want to be touched or recognised, but I'm so lonely. I don't know what to do. I really don't know what to do.

I am not on any medication, but i feel i may see my doctor again.

Has anyone got any advice for me.

I cannot escape this and I sleep to where the people and memories just appear again.

[Tee50]

Get yourself into counselling and sit down with your doctor to see what's the best option medication wise to help your mood and situation

[Silversquid]

Don’t give up, do go to the doctor and talk about the options because there will be options. Don’t discount more counselling/therapy because there are so many different kinds available, there will be those that approach issues from a different angle which may turn out to be what works for you or sometimes it’s the person delivering it. Alongside that if antidepressants have worked for you in the past then maybe they’re worth considering again now if you’re struggling? There are numerous types but as a parent of someone for whom antidepressants don’t seem to work there are still other treatments that can help. We’re now finding that the flow neuroscience headset seems to help, in our case, without the use of antidepressants.

It does sound like you have tried a lot of things and I know it’s very disheartening when you put your all into something that feels like it’s not working but sometimes the pay off takes longer than think, or maybe you just need a little more help alongside those things to feel the benefits of your efforts. I would say, don’t dismiss them all just yet. If you can exercise, even a little and eat as well as you can, these things can’t make you feel worse but may help you feel better in the long run alongside some form of proper treatment. I wish you well and really hope you can find what works for you.

[Kezz63]

It sounds like there are so many issues that you feel completely overwhelmed by them.

You did not say if counselling or EMDR has helped in anyway and I'm making the assumption that it hasn't, or that it hasn't helped a lot. Like Silversquid stated there are numerous psychological therapies available and there will be one that is right for you so don't give up.

As you have a few issues bereavement, abuse, body image issues etc., I suggest you choose one of those issues to focus on first as to try and work through everything at once would be unrealistic for anyone.

It's good that you have stopped fluctuating from one thing to another, drinking, not drinking, dating, not dating etc., as this will give you the opportunity to work on yourself without external distractions getting in the way, Travelling or numbing the pain with alcohol is never going to work, but I think you know that. Likewise, trying to change your external appearance will never change what you're feeling inside.

I strongly suggest that you speak to your doctor, maybe take medication if prescribed and try to find therapy (for one issue, initially) that works for you.

In the meantime you could keep a journal to write down your thoughts and feelings. This can be upsetting and bring up a lot of emotions but this is a positive, it's a release. If you feel sad you cry, if you get angry thump a cushion... Emotions don't kill you, they help you to move forward.

You could also list 5 positive things that you notice everyday. For example, someone smiles at you, you've had a really nice meal, you've laughed at a funny film, you've relaxed in a nice bath, enjoyed listening to the birds, bought something new .... This may be a simple thing to do and will in time elevate your mood, even if it's only a little bit.

I'll leave you for now with this poem:

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is strange with its twists and turns

As every one of us sometimes learns

And many a failure comes about

When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don't give up though the pace seems slow—

You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out—

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell just how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit—

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit

John Greenleaf Whittier