Something's wrong with me, but i dont know what

[CheeriosCereal]

I feel empty and numb, it feels weird to say that, because I do feel happy and sad and angry and whatnot, but when I'm alone in bed, I feel numb. It always either that or upsetting thoughts. I don't know whats wrong with me, but it is something. I looked into borderline personality disorder for a while, then told my therapist about the fact that exhibit almost all of the symptoms, but he said i cant have it (apparently its only diagnosable in adults, of which i am not). I don't know what to do, because i hate going to see therapy, i don't feel comfortable talking to my parents or my friends. I used to self-harm and have recently relapsed (my parents don't know because i don't want them to freak out). There's more but i don't want to go into detail about it, at least not here. I don't know what to do, so any advice is appreciated. Thank you.