Incompatible : Married 33 years my wife... - Mental Health Sup...

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Incompatible

isin13955 profile image

Married 33 years my wife and I hate each other but she won’t split because she has nobody else. Both in mid 60s so just grin and bear it till one of us dies. I have hated my life for 50 years and I pray for it to end!

14 Replies

You must do the things you want to do and dreams must be fulfilled. Your wife should not stop you enjoying yourself. I’ve always wanted to ride a horse. One day!! Do for yourself what you want to

isin13955 profile image
isin13955 in reply to Foggy123

Thanks but that's never gointto happen as long as we are together

What caused all these negative feelings between you both. You have been married for a long time, Do ypu feel it is just the relationship coming to an end

My Wife and I have been together now for many year. Relationships after a time do change in many different ways although we get on well enough and we do things together and can read eachothers mind

BOB

All went wrong when she got pregnant with our only child. She became a mother ànd stopped being a wife.

The birth of a child can be an uncomfortable problem, not only in the bedroom also in the household when the child becomes all encompasing in the Mothers Eyes, and the relationship between husband and wife can in some ways becomes stressful when the Husband needs to feel the relationship needs to return back to normality.

One main concern Husband and Wife do not have the same amount of time for eachother and that is a shame. It is important you can still have time for eachother. I do not know how old the child is, although that should become less and less as the child gets older

Is there any Grantparents Cousins etc who could babysit for you to let you both have time together for night out etc.

When I was a young/ baby I would be sent to my Grandparents to allow my Parents me time. I would spend time going out with my Grandparents and also my steparents who would also take me into their home. This went on until I went to Secondary School, My Step Parents would come to our new home to look after both me and MY SIBLINGS, all that leads to a different story where my Parents looked on my existance as an unwanted problem

I hope you work things out all families have their own needs and expectations especially when a new family member is born. The family dynamic does change and that leads to problems. All you need to do is understand the changes and consider ways to move on

BOB

Oh no our son is 31! When I say my wife turned into a mother I mean to me as well. We are in our mid 60s and retired but she is very intrusive, wants to know where I’m going, where I’ve been etc. when she even lets me out alone. She vets my friends to the point where I have none My opinion is not worth anything and whatever I am is due to her.

In a way I understand, although we have the same friends ? Always questionable Sometimes, our interests are very much the same and we do things and have the same interests together. Healthunlocked is my own interest however, my Wife enjoys puzzles and competicions.

Like you we have been together then married since 1976. and married up to now 2021. I am seventy one in about a weeks time. This is why we got married to be together and knowing we had the same interests made our marriage fulfilling. Yes we have disagreements although never go to bed on an arguement. Now in may ways arguing is just something that is counterproductive and tiring

When I was going to meetings etc they we normally in the afternoon and my Wife was in early days at work. We were married to be together. We also stand up for eachother if the need arises. No Lies. Relationships break down, due to them. Marriage is like a positive truce

We have enough to keep us busy together and I/ we seem to be very lucky over the years. You could try Marriage Guidence both together.

All is about give and take

BOB

Hi, thanks for sharing your misery. You certainly can move on in your thinking to a more positive state of mind. Options would include some professional relationship therapy either together or on your own or reading some books and online research. Wishing you all the best.

You must've loved her once bc you married her ? Is it that your wife and your Mother don't get on - is that what is upsetting you ?

Unfortunately, people change

suzie482 profile image
suzie482 in reply to isin13955

What's stopping you from leaving this awful situation and at least finding peace in your own life? I know it's not easy especially when you obviously love someone, but we all have the right to make choices to live peacefully and to live freely without abuse or judgment, I would most definitely search out professional help and take a long hard think about what YOU want, life is a beautiful gift, it's full of problems and we encounter some very difficult situations and because we encounter such hardships we often see no way out of a situation and forget to take care of ourselves. Please consider searching for help and if you're partner doesn't want to go along with resolving things then you do it for yourself my friend 😘

isin13955 profile image
isin13955 in reply to suzie482

Thank you for your input Suzie, unfortunately I think it’s a sad fact that most of us don’t get to live the life we would choose.

suzie482 profile image
suzie482 in reply to isin13955

This is very true and I'm living proof of that sad fact, I may not be living the life of my choice but I'm certainly going all out to make it as peaceful and fulfilling as possible 😊

You sound depressed. It's worth talking to your GP and considering talking therapy and maybe some anti-depressants. Also, why not sign up for an evening course in something you might enjoy. WEA, for instance, have branches all over the country with a wide range of subjects. Get out of the house, make some new friends. Change comes from within, not via others. Just do it! If your missis moans, suggest she needs to find something to do with her life too.

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