I just wish that I could be happy for once. I never feel good, only neutral at best, terrible at worst. Not to mention the painful memories that keep running through my head all the time, making it worse. And I hate being a burden on others, but that's all I've been for the past few years. That doesn't help. But I suppose I should be grateful I'm not suicidal anymore, other than that it feels like for the whole time I've made no improvements. And I feel like everything is my fault, all the time.