Appointment soon, not feeling good

[jsph554]

I just wish that I could be happy for once. I never feel good, only neutral at best, terrible at worst. Not to mention the painful memories that keep running through my head all the time, making it worse. And I hate being a burden on others, but that's all I've been for the past few years. That doesn't help. But I suppose I should be grateful I'm not suicidal anymore, other than that it feels like for the whole time I've made no improvements. And I feel like everything is my fault, all the time.

[jsph554]

Just thinking out loud, hoping it helps

[Ladygrey]

Sounds to me like you've made huge improvements.

This is a good place to think out loud - talking helps.

Take care.

[jsph554 in reply to Ladygrey]

I'm glad someone thinks that I've improved. And I suppose I have. But not by much, and I just feel tired of being me. I've often wondered what it would be like to have a better life. But it seems that whether I try or not the result is the same: no progress towards it, and I now believe that it's impossible to get the life I want.

Talkin

[jsph554 in reply to jsph554]

Talking has sometimes helped a little. Sorry, I pressed submit by accident.

[jsph554]

Looks like the appointment I was going to have has been rearranged.

[Ladygrey]

How about little steps to improve the life you have.

Easy to say but I think you're moving forward.

Keep talking - that's why we use this website.

[jsph554 in reply to Ladygrey]

I guess it's just taking a lot longer than I would like to get better. I'll try, talking about my feelings doesn't come naturally to me but I'll try

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello jsph554, It is so nice to see that our members who are very supportive are encouraging you and providing you with good advice. Many thanks to all of you. It does seem that you have come along way and been able to work through thoughts you had in the past of possibly wanting to hurt yourself. Well done for being strong enough to put some practical changes in place. As your friends suggested, recovery from a mental health illness can take some time, often a physical condition may heal quicker than when we are feeling emotionally upset and vulnerable. Try and be less hard on yourself and try and be kinder to yourself. That way then, if you are not feeling great one day, you will not berate yourself for not getting all your plans done when you are not up to it. I wonder are you seeing your doctor and have you been referred for mental health support in your area. Often, talking through our feelings and thoughts and everyday issues with a trained counsellor, can help us to put things in perspective and then work our way round our issues, and learn some simple coping strategies.Let us know how you are getting on and try if you can by just taking each day as it comes, time can and does help to heal, with very best wishes to you.

[jsph554 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

My doctor I don't see about my mental health issues, though he is aware of them. Instead I have support from a team called the Early Intervention Team, I have a Care Coordinator from there, who is a nurse. As for counselling, I don't have a counsellor. And for everyone who has replied to this, thank you for your support, it does help.

[Mama_Bear0987]

I understand that feeling of neutral or sad, never really happy. I didn't really recognise it until I was genuinely happy. Then you look back and realise how numb you were. Remember everything is temporary, the good and the bad. Keep working at it, as you are, and you will get through it.

[jsph554 in reply to Mama_Bear0987]

Thank you, hopefully I will get through it.

[Ladygrey in reply to jsph554]

Hey, how you feeling?

A little brighter i hope.

Have a good weekend.

[tofler]

Please try to remember that recovery is a long and gradual process that doesn't happen overnight. It also has it ups and downs, good days and bad days. Maybe you're being a bit too hard on yourself? It definitely sounds like you're making progress in the right direction, so please try to congratulate yourself about that occasionally. Painful memories can be very difficult to deal with but learning about mindfulness can help with these (but it takes time to get the hang of this, it isn't a quick fix). Keep moving in the right direction and let us know how you're getting on.

[jsph554 in reply to tofler]

Things haven't been going so well as far as my depression is concerned. I spend most nights crying myself to sleep, and whenever I'm alone, which is most of the day, I also feel like crying. But on the bright side, I've had an appointment with my support worker today, which usually involves going on walks around my local area, which helped my mood today. I also talked about some stuff which I find upsetting, but talking about it did help a bit (sorry for taking so long to reply, my Internet has been down for a while, the only reason I can respond is the data on my phone)

[Blueshirt]

Me too. But if you can hang onto that neutral place it helps. I try and think only about today and tomorrow. Seems wrong and difficult to forget the past, but I find it helps me get through life easier. Good luck