Mental Health Support
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My Gf of 6 years left me for another man

We have been dating for the last 6 years, and was planning to move in together and get married yet the very next day the told me she has someone else and is moving in with him, I am gutted I really do not know what to do its been this way for the last 2 months, I do not know what to do, I went insane and called her a couple of times she ignored all of my calls and all of my texts and social media I am so confused I do not know what to do any more she looks happy with him how and does not even seem to know I exist WTF, I do not understand this I really need help I am sad and depressed all day she cll me the other day and told me he does not satisfy her and only I made her orgasm she wants to have se but still live with the new guy am I stupid for considering this, is there something wrong with me I do not know what to do any more

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Hello Ichigo1982

Thank you for your post. It sounds like a really difficult time for you, it cannot be easy trying to cope with this situation.

This is a very supportive community and our very helpful members might have more advice or information for you. Do you have any family or friends that you can share some of these things with?

It may be worth having a talk with your doctor about the situation and how things are affecting you.

The Relate organisation may have more advice about relationships and the best way forward.

relate.org

MIND may also offer you more support mind.org

The topics and pinned posts might also offer more information for you.

Do keep in touch and get back to us when you can.

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Thank you brother for the advise, I will look into it, and yes it is very difficult and becomes more difficult when she calls me up saying she wants sex, Honestly I am not gay but I do not want to sleep with her, just the thought of her and him and yes she has told me how big he is and how he kisses her and it is so much better, I am begging to think that there is really something wrong with me and thats why she left.

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I think you should thank your lucky stars that you DIDN'T walk down the aisle with her. So she cheated on you with someone else, and now she is cheating on him (well sort of) behind his back. So she is actually "wronging" (if that is a word) both of you!!...... Yuech!!

Imagine you had married her and this happened. What a messy business divorce is. I know, I have been through a divorce. Took me two minutes to get married (well not literally but you know what I mean), stayed with him 2 years before the problems began and SEVEN years before I eventually manage to get rid of him (apparently I wasnt enough???....although that's not what he was saying when I caught him out...Oh no....)

Don't let her use you for her own personal use (sex). If you do, you will hate yourself afterwards. Its one thing to dislike another person but even worse when you hate yourself. Keep your dignity now, keep your chin up keep your self-respect and tell her to "Jog On".

XX

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Thank u

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I also think you have had a lucky escape. Don't go back, keep going forward. I would bet that she has cheated on you before and she is cheating or trying to cheat on this new guy. Now you know what she is..... Pam

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Thanks Pam but I thought being a women u would be on her side thank you for all of ur support

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Not all women are the same.....Same as not all men are cheating scumbags...There are some good ones out there!!... (Its finding them that's the problem... :-) )

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Could not agree more

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I was with the same man for 14 years...friends first then lovers. About 7 years ago he broke up with me in a cruel way..he called me useless, childish, annoying and more I can't remember...I chased him for months not understanding why he hated me so much. After a while I gave up but then he suddenly called me back and asked me meet. I almost didn't go, fearing he would say more horrible things to me. He didn't, he hugged me. Kissed me and told me things were happening that caused his to lash out (his step father moving his mother into the apartment with no warning, him losing his job. His step dad family hating him). I was so happy.

Now 6 days ago. After being at a cousins baby shower, I come home and wait for him to get off work...he walks in and I get up to kiss and hug him like I always do...he stopped me and said we needed to talk...he told me he didn't love me anymore. Told me he loved me as family. Said he doesn't k ow what he want as in life. Now living with my mother hasn't been easy, she would leave little notes around telling him how to do things. She doesn't like him due to him hurting me before but she supported the relationship. I dont know what I did...he says we lost the intimacy, we went too fast. He just wants to be friends. I poured my heart out to him, suggesting we get our own place, telling him I believed we could be this awesome power couple...he hugs me, kisses my head and says "we'll be ok". Wtf does that mean? Can we still have a future? Does he mean as friends?..this all came so suddenly..my mum has cancer now, 2 weeks ago he said he'd always be there. We even had amazing sex. But now...all I can do is cry in agony. I hate myself for failing yet again at something else...he never said no to a possible future from now...but tells me he doesn't want to give me false hope...I'm lost, confused and missing a piece of my heart. I cant eat, drink or even try to pull myself out of this...It's killing me inside..as much as I want him back...well I dont know. But dont let her use you for sex. You'll feel even worse...

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I wanted you to know I read your words a few times because I could feel how raw and how much pain you’re in. You’re not alone. I’ve been there a very long time and still recovering slowly. You are definitely not alone I recognize many of the things you’ve been through too well. We’ve all been horribly hurt by people who don’t deserve us on our worst days, and that’s been hard to learn even long after the end of mine. I don’t know how someone I was with for so long could be the best actor and liar I’ve ever had the misfortune to meet. I do hope people like this get what they deserve one day because treating us like trash is the best thing I can see happening to all of these users, abusers, cheaters and deceivers. Best of all to you.

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Hi Ichigo1982, I happened upon this and could not go past it without saying what I feel too. I know it was 3 months ago when this all took place with her. And I FEEL your words like they were my own eating me alive. The first thing I’d like to say is that there’s nothing wrong with you (like you said you feared), to have caused her to do such a cruel, and selfish thing. I stand with the others here and hope you’re doing better. But if not, it’s alright. It’s obvious you loved this girl and anyone with feelings would be broken over such a horrible thing. As I’m typing this I’m thinking of my own failed miserable cruel divorce to a man I was married to 18 years by the time we’d separster and divorced finally. I did not even know this person I wa with all these years. I loved him more than I’d ever loved or thought I had loved anyone before him. I was 34 when he and I met and I thought I’d found my soulmate, my happily ever after. All of that! He told me and showed me for years. I had no doubts until the last few years when to be honest, what your girlfriend did to you and seemed to brag about almost. (She couldn’t have felt guilt), to hurt you or anyone the way she did. They’re selfish and will always be in love with themselves. They are the most important thing in their lives although they can’t stand to be alone. My now ex treated me like less than dirt on your shoes. He moved in with a woman the day I had proof in my hands he’d been cheating. I’d never not trusted him before! He begged me to believe his denials and lies all night that night after I told him he had to leave. He cried a river I wanted to believe but I had concrete evidence I couldn’t deny. I was more than broken. I had no one to confide in. He’d always treated me wonderfully in front of people all the while he was blaming me for not being an attevtyge wife. He lied so much to women I’ve learned to make himself appear as the victim. He smeared my name with everyone we knew together and some we didn’t. He didn’t bat an eye!

I was the drug addict on meth, I was the wife so depressed that he referred to me as in a catatonic state! Meth and major depression are on opposites ends of the spectrum! He was describing himself on drugs and yes I was depressed trying to hold something together that should have ended years before it did. Heal in your own time, but I hope you’ve reached out to the places mentioned above or other types of counseling or therapy. It does help, but it’s not a guarantee. I’m hoping by now you’re past some of this and not seeing her at all. She’s manipulative and used to getting her way is how it sounds. You’re far better than anything she’s done to hurt you without a thought. My advice is no contact. None. It’s hard finding someone, so don’t be in such a rush that you forget you’re the most important person here, and we should all treat ourselves better than we do oftentimes when we’ve been so damaged. Worry about you first. All women are not like her, nor are all men like my ex. After all most of these cheaters are cheating with someone who’s cheating too. Mine was and she couldn’t have been more proud of herself when she got him. Guess what? She likely knows by now what she got wasn’t what she thought him to be. And he needed someone to live with because at 55 he’s never once lived on his own. Never and he never considered it. I couldn’t consider anything but myself alone with my dog. It’s still that way and as much as I’d like to have a healthy relationship one day, I’m not actively looking. I hope it just happens one day because we all deserve love but not at the cost or with stipulations

I’d love to hear how you are. I genuinely care about what you were put through like so many of us here feel the same. We owe it to ourselves to not let what happened ruin the rest of our lives. I’m sure it’s made us all stronger even when strong isn’t what you feel. Surviving and recovering and someday thriving is what I hope for you and all of us here.

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Hello thank you for the response, I will love to chat to you more, please email me thariq24@gmail.com

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