Having a difficult time supporting my spouse!

[runningwiththebulls]

Hi,

I am new to this site and just wanted to share some of my challenges in an effort to see if anyone else may be able to relate to my story. My wife suffers from severe anxiety attacks. We have been dealing with this for about 12 years. Her attacks feature paranoia about people coming after her. She thinks they are plotting against her. Comments have included others bugging her phone, or our house to gain info about her. However, the biggest impact has been in our relationship. On a daily basis, she believes I am cheating on her. And she is constantly looking for evidence to support the thoughts in her head. I am sure she knows who I am, but I am a witness that when the flood of thoughts come and present anxiety, then they become the reality for her.

I am hurting. I have fallen into a deep depression over all this. I am not even as functional as I should be with my own daughter because the cycle of this affliction is so hard for me to bear. I want myself back. I want to be present for my daughter as I should. And, I also want to help my wife through these challenges.

Any suggestions on how I can stay healthy enough to support myself and her as well?

[Hidden]

Have you talked to your Doctor, regards how you feel ?Would you be able to talk to Marriage Guidance both of you together, that may also help

Has your Wife had any therapy or it may be a good thing to try and get her seen although it may be hard work

Have you work out the reasons for your Wifes attitudes towards you have you found out any accociated reasons for this. There must be a reason knowing that should help you approach the problems you have and help Hermove on with you

BOB

[runningwiththebulls in reply to Hidden]

Hi borderriever,

Yes, we have done Marriage therapy for years. However, we've concluded that it's not a relational issue, but rather a mental health one. And honestly, we just came to this conclusion recently.

The root of the wife's attitude about my infidelity goes back before we were even married. Too much to type about it here, but to sum it up it goes back to abandonment and mistrust in her early years.

She has also had therapy off and on for 11 years now. I believe that she needs a professional evaluation. However, getting her to that point is a different story. It's a very slippery slope. In the past when I have made suggestions about her getting help, she leans into the idea that I am gaslighting her and trying to inflame her. Sometimes that I am trying to tell her about herself and I have no expertise on this. Other times she mentions that she feels attacked. She also thinks it's connected to me trying to make her out to be "crazy" so that I can have more women for myself. So, I really have to move cautiously.

However, I am positive that there is a serious mental illness that is going unchecked. The intensity has grown over the last few months (especially in this COVID era). I also agree that the behaviors mimic Schizophrenia. But, I'll leave that conclusion to a professional.

Any suggestions on how I can get her to the point of accepting and getting an evaluation without pushing her further away?

[Hidden in reply to runningwiththebulls]

You have a serious problem. I understand how you must feel and the only way to move on from this attitude is for you to move on, even though you feel that obligation towards your Wife still remains firm.

All I can suggest is you both go back to see your Doctor and ask for therapy.

I went through something similar during school years and it went on for several years.

I also went with someone who was a compulsive liar and that went on for four years, eventually after this time Marriage Guidence and Marriage Guidance attached to the Roman Catholic Church. Eventually the relationship ended and that made me very wary of other people.

It stopped when I met my future wife.

It is sad to say you need to consider your own health and if it is a separation so be it, and that may change the situation. Sometimes you need to protect ourselves and the situation you find yourself in could become worse and worse

BOB

[Thepinkpanthers]

I hope this finds you well and I wish you well.I feel you have to get help for your wife .You also need a break and professional advice.I wish you and your family all the best.