A day at a time

[Poohbear76]

I have just found out that my 22 year old daughter is struggling with her mental health. Unfortunately she has a eating disorder and self harming as a teenager, we pulled her though that. Unfortunately it is looking like she has a mood disorder but is also hearing voices and seeing things that aren't there. I am so worried about her she has started medication for depression. I know she is a adult but to me she is still my baby girl. I have cPTSD and depression myself so I understand part of what she is experiencing. She lives with her boyfriend and seems to be coming although she is off work and won't leave her house. I am so tired my mother was a alcoholic who was prone to violent outbursts my childhood was hell. I put so much into been the best mother I could be and I know my children love me. I just feel so helpless ! I just wish I could snuggle her up in a quilt and eat popcorn and watch Disney films. I feel like a somehow messed up maybe missed something? I have other children all boys who are all well how can I help her? I love her so much and find the thought of her having bipolar disorder or anything else is awful.

[Dolphin14]

Her illness is not your fault.

I'm a mother of two grown girls. We always want to shield them from pain. But, as they get older all we can do is support them with their life struggles.

Just be there for her when she needs you. Hopefully she's getting the proper help?

Make sure to take care of yourself during this stressful time. I wish her well.

[Poohbear76 in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you x yes she is getting help she told me that I am a amazing mum but she is a private person. I just feel that she should be talking to me about things. I just want her well I feel helpless. Your right though all I can do is support her and let her know I am here for her x

[Dolphin14 in reply to Dolphin14]

They will always be our babies no matter how old.

So beautiful that she acknowledged your mothering.

She will come to you when she needs you. Keep open lines of communication but don't invade her space.

You sound like a great mom!

[Poohbear76 in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you I adore my children all five of them ! I am blessed to have them x

[Runningfargal]

I had a severe eating disorder as a teen and 20’s. It never was fully resolved, I’m now 43 and a mom myself. I still have issues, and was finally diagnosed with depression and anxiety too. I also relapse with self harm.

One thing I wish had been different back then is that my parents would have asked me, talked to me, just said they could be there for me when I was ready. Instead I got anger and weight and food monitored. They never asked “why”? That would have made a huge difference, even if I had refused to talk to them. I came from a family where you didn’t talk about your feelings and all negative issues were hidden, so that is what I did. They didn’t ask, I didn’t talk.

It sounds like you are there for your daughter wonderfully and that is what she needs. You can’t fix it but you can give her all the love and support. Make sure she knows it verbally and face to face. She might not accept it or want it right away, but telling her she is loved no matter what, no matter how many times she falls down, relapses, will be something she will remember.

[Poohbear76 in reply to Runningfargal]

Thank you I am so sorry that you struggled with a eating disorder and self harming. It is heartbreaking to watch so I can only imagine the hell that you and my daughter amongst others have suffered. My mother was very controlling and abusive and used to laugh at me if I showed emotion and call me a drama queen. I have kept in touch with my daughter by email and I have told her my love and pride for her is unconditional.

She has high functioning autism as well and struggles to understand people and is very black and white.

No matter what I will visit her this week and tell her face to face that way I can see her myself and try to figure out how poorly she is. Unfortunately the services for mental health are very stretched and I may need to support her in getting the right help.