Battling myself

[Soybee]

I’m new to this site, and really grateful affordable resources are available. I went on a medicine(Acutane) about 8 months ago which unfortunately had depression as a side affect, and even after being off of it for months I still break down every day. Dealing with the depression felt all to normal, and made me realize I’ve been living in this numb state for years. I see a therapist once a month but during a crisis I don’t have a reliable person to trust with these emotions, so I’m hear to vent to the internet. I’ve been suicidal for years but trust in myself enough to know it logically must get better eventually, so I hang on. The problem is that I spend all my time battling that I don’t move forward.

[Hidden]

You mention you see a Therapist once a month, when you discuss your Depression has the therapist explained ways of coming to terms with your condition. It is important you are able to discuss and begin to understand the problems you find yourself in. You mention Acutane medication, when you ceased taking this medication had they introduced you to any other medication.

You mention Suicide, also you admit you are in control of these mental suggestions, are they treating you for voices suggesting you take your life.

How long have you been having Therapy ? Have you worked out yet the cause of your Depression ?

BOB

[Soybee in reply to Hidden]

Hello. I’ve been doing ok the past few days after i got that off my chest in the post. I see a psychotherapist so he’s been focusing more on finding the cause, and providing resources of faith or peace to help cope. I haven’t been recommended to a psychologist for meds and quite frankly would like to avoid meds. I’m not treating the suicidal thoughts and haven’t really even mentioned them to my psychiatrist because I fear he may think it’s more serious than it is. I’m on my 4th month of help and it’s been more of maintenance since he thinks it may just be a phase of adolescence. I’m not sure myself but I’ve been keeping an eye on triggers.

[Purplebutter]

You said you spend all your time battling so you don't move forward, can you set one small goal per day to meet, then maybe set two or three in a few weeks? It can be something so small as making your bed in the morning, taking a walk, meeting someone for coffee, or even reading a chapter in a book. I suffered from severe depression and my small goals were getting out of bed, making one phone call a day to a friend or family, or showering if that tells you where I was with my depression. Today I am able to work through my depression days with tools I was given several years ago that I still use, and my depression days are now only a few days a month. These small changes can evolve over time, helping to make moderate to bigger changes later on, this helps to move forward in small steps by helping you feel like you can accomplish goals. Depression has a tendency to consume all of our time and before we know it a long time has passed us by. I would encourage you to continue to seek the assistance of a therapist, even if it is a virtual option because you need an outlet for your thoughts, emotions, and be able to receive guidance from a professional to help you move forward. If you are feeling suicidal I encourage you to seek help from services in your community, you are not alone in your depression.

[Soybee in reply to Purplebutter]

Hello. I definitely relate to it taking up all my time, haha. I think I’ve been in this mindset of all or nothing to get things done because I have such a strict deadline for things that I set aside the pressure. I’ve been taking your advice and making one goal at a time. Making my bed in the morning has been a good start. Glad to hear you’re in a better state of mind now. It just reminds me it’ll get better eventually.

[Josie-Anne]

Hi soybee welcome to the group, I don’t think you need to be battered with question after question, you don’t always get voices telling you to commit suicide as my niece is the same and battling depression and she’s a self harmed too. If you feel better off the meds that’s your choice or the psychotherapist could give you an antidepressant that has serotonin in it to give you a boost, there is a calm app you can get on the App Store on your phone that has meditations, sleep talks and sleep stories that are good 😌 as depression works differently in people, but there must be a root cause that you need to figure out, I would mention that you have had thoughts of suicide but won’t do anything, it’s mine notes too the same thing which my doctor get a copy of, you can download DailyOM for free which gives you free affirmations each day that will also give you a boost, glad you joined 🤗 we are all here for you 🥰

[Soybee in reply to Josie-Anne]

Thank you for the recommendations I’ve downloaded DailyOM and I really like the affirmations.

[Josie-Anne in reply to Soybee]

Hi Soybee, Glad you like the affirmations, I do gind that they do help and the fact that I read them slowly and maybe a few times they sunk in better which is uplifting to me x

[theprincessbride]

hi i feel so similarly to you. this is my first night on this site, and i want you to know that you are not alone, you will find joy.

[Soybee in reply to theprincessbride]

Hello 👋 Sorry for the late response, but welcome Hope you found some peace of mind from this site.

[Josie-Anne in reply to theprincessbride]

Hi the princess bride,

Welcome to the group I do hope that you get some comfort in knowing we are all right behind you, it’s a sure that you know you can help, vent or cheer to co fibro friends that understand you ❤️