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Life long depression

Terry4949 profile image
13 Replies

My depression and pain is so bad now I’m at my wits end my head hurts constantly and my brain burns I have so many physical symptoms I have been in this state for over 5 years but this last 6 months things have dropped to a new level I feel empty in side my brain hurts all day long and I’m consumed by a noise in my head my neck constantly hurts and I have severe pulsating tinnitus I have a such bad fatigue and apathy I just cannot function I get around 2 hours sleep a night on a good night this has been like this for three years I have tried over 30 medications and found nothing to help me I feel so so dizzy and faint all the time . Every night when I go to bed I hope that I don’t wake up as is the poor quality of my life I have tried so much to try and ease my suffering , diets I eat healthy don’t smoke or drink I walk for a hour daily through the fields but I enjoy nothing just so depressed and in pain I truly don’t know what to do any more I have been off all medications for 28 months now as the doctors said they weren’t doing anything but how can you live like this

I have a good life really nothing to worry about a family etc yet everyday I wish it to be my last I don’t know what’s worse the depression or the apathy the headaches or the constant pain I havnt had a break in 5 years and I don’t think this will ever end I don’t know who I am anymore

Any words of encouragement would be grateful as I truly am struggling

13 Replies
hypercat54 profile image

Hi yes this feeling is awful isn't it and I empathesise with you. Some people are medication treatment resistant.

You haven't mentioned having counselling? Have you and did this help? x

Terry4949 profile image
Terry4949 in reply to hypercat54

Yes I think I have tried all most everything I’m so lost I try so hard to break free from this it’s not for the will of trying I just haunts me day and night

MAS_Nurse profile image

Hi Terry,

I've had a quick look back over your earlier posts and I can see that this community has reached out to you with some great support. You are obviously in a difficult place and I can fee your frustration at exhausting the medical help you have been offered. It is hard to know what to say to help you, but maybe these web links may offer some hope and light at the end of the tunnel for you:

The Calm Zone:


Hub of Hope:

Give us a shout for support in crisis: Text 85258 (24 hrs support)

The Samaritans Tel: 116 123 [24 hours line]

NHS: 999 [Emergencies]

NHS 111 [Non-Emergencies]

MIND UK charity: Helpline Tel: 0300 123 3393 Text: 86463

SANEline Tel: 0300 304 7000 [4.30pm – 10.30pm daily]

We are listening, please keep in touch.

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse and Moderator

Terry4949 profile image
Terry4949 in reply to MAS_Nurse

Thank you for your continuous support , this illness is truly horrible


Sorry you are going through such a rough time in your life.

As you know it is important you try and divert your thoughts away from your condition. The main ways to control and move on would be a possible course of CBT Talking treatment also Mindfulness, Relaxation Technique may also help. You can purchase books on this technique on Amazon for about £7.00.

Diversions and hobbies do help they will take you mind of your Anxiety concerns, Depression can also be handled in the same way. You need to distract your concerns away from the concerns you are suffering from

Joining clubs, societies and various organisations of people who have the same interests as you will develop will change the negativity you are suffering from. There are various things you can try and there will be night classes that will get you to enjoy an interest, for example photography, there are plenty clubs that have formed that go out together and take part in their interests.

I cannot relate to any interests you have, that will be up to you, I know when I was younger I took part in many interests to lift my mood and that seemed to help me


Terry4949 profile image
Terry4949 in reply to

Thank you for your kind words and reply I have tried all you have mentioned even when I’m at my lowest I do force myself sometimes I’m to sick to even leave the house unfortunately my headaches are so severe that I am very limited some days the apathy is so overwhelming I cannot move , but it is not for the lack of trying I have been battling this for 7 years now in this state

in reply to Terry4949

Is your health concern physical or a mental health condition or diagnosed as a physical disability ?


Terry4949 profile image
Terry4949 in reply to

I would say both to be honest I have many physical symptoms that make me feel so unwell and I also have mental issues like anxiety and I always have had a low mood , I have had been diagnosed as treatment resistant depression but I can’t get disability allowance

in reply to Terry4949

Sometimes mental health does not allow sufficient points. Anxiety, similar because they classify your conditions as caused by Anxiety. To get PIP you need to jump through some very big hoops. six weeks on the sick, then a medical. before they decide on any benefit


You need some sleep. Have you tried passionflower ? It will knock you out. It’s ok if you can’t do anything for awhile feel groggy it will soon catch up those modulators in your body with actual sleep. They say first few hours most important. It’s not expensive also D3 at least 5000 iu a day and vit C b12. And we have Bio K probiotic I actually buy the capsules not the milky supplement. We produce most serotonin in the gut. Mines a mess from stress I’m like you. I need to quit smoking from acid reflux stress med induced. I’m finding though so depressed unable to move the letting myself get several days sleep in row & as said above helpful even if not leaving the house not able to do anything watching comedies hobbies online I look at photos of things I like not about me and buy McDonald’s for a homeless person sometimes I’m flat broke but it helps me feel I make a difference. You can’t function without sleep & walk around the block looking for birds or counting dogs you run into. Purposeful activities doing mundane things.

Terry4949 profile image
Terry4949 in reply to

I agree sleep does play a huge part I don’t have any trouble going to sleep but I only stay a sleep for about a hour or so then I wake feeling very hot and normally my pulsating tinnitus is so loud my head starts banging so I have to get up I do practise very good sleep hygiene go to bed at the same time no electrical my room is very dark no light but for 3 years it’s been dreadful I tried medication for a short while but it made no difference but I will try the passionflower do you take it in tea form or as a supplement

I believe you do all that you can I get it. The passionflower can come in tea if you want but it’s best not to drink anything but water before bed & you get more for your money buying capsules. I buy capsules just take one to start. You’ll sleep do you have a special pillow for your neck/head that may help with the pressure in ears. I find sleep meds too much I experiment with passionflower capsules I’ll even take some out then take it. I wake up after 3/4 hours it’s annoying from everything whacked out. . Melatonin bothers me. You get sleep anxiety after awhile. I either sleep 4 hrs or go to bed again sleep for another 4 sometimes it’s awful. Nothing to lose to try these.

Terry4949 profile image
Terry4949 in reply to

Thankyou i will try it . Once I wake I try to fall back to sleep but every 3-5 minutes I jolt awake continuously until it’s unbearable then I have to get up feeling exhausted and my head is ringing then the dreaded depression hits me

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