Is It Ok To Be Afraid To Want Kids? - Mental Health Sup...

Mental Health Support

31,537 members17,214 posts

Is It Ok To Be Afraid To Want Kids?

HealingWillow profile image
3 Replies

I know that I don't want to have biological kids of my own. Solely for the reason I have quite a few medical problems and I don't want there to be a chance I give that to my kid/s.

But I know I want kids one day, to adopt or use my partner's eggs. But my question is, is it ok to be afraid to want kids? Growing up my dad had anger issues no one knew he had until after he had me and my brother and I was in middle school. I know his dad had them too.

I'm not scared because I think I might have anger issues. I have worked on my anger since my dad showed me his ugly side so I KNOW I will never hurt anyone I care about.

I'm scared because I couldn't tell my mom about it. I'm scared I will choose someone to spend my life with and they will change and hurt my kids. My last ex started T and became someone I don't know before we broke up.

That's a bit of background, and feel free to ask more about it. But it is ok to be afraid?

Written by
HealingWillow profile image
HealingWillow
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
3 Replies
Smudge2522 profile image
Smudge2522

Hi StormyWillow,

It’s absolutely ok to be afraid to have kids because the thought of having them is one of the most terrifying things (I know I was before having mine) because as a parent you are that child’s role model, however the pure joy kids bring outweighs that fear 100s of times over. I’ve got 3 and they’re growing up so fast however just watching them work through real life issues (like how to climb up the slide the wrong way) they never give up and they make me laugh so hard. I thought I knew what unconditional love was but then the kids came along and then I truly knew what it was like.

I can understand your trepidation at not wanting to turn out like you dad but even though we may all contain traits of our parents we aren’t our parents and our path in life is created by us - you mentioned that you’ve been seeking help for anger (have you ever had burst of anger or are you just trying to get help before anything like that could potentially happen?)

Life is one big gamble no one knows what’s truly going to happen but it is ok to be afraid but don’t let that fear prevent you from enjoying your life - you only get one life sometimes we need to step out of our comfort zone in order to real our full potential.

Good luck with everything

HealingWillow profile image
HealingWillow in reply to Smudge2522

Thank you for your response. I appreciate it.To answer your question, I've never had an outburst. My dad had a bad temper and took it out on mostly me because I stood in the way of dad getting to my younger brother every chance I knew he was going after him or my brother was in the room when dad got angry. I know there's the potential of me having outbursts, which is why I work on it. Even though it's very possible I don't have anger issues.

Smudge2522 profile image
Smudge2522

It shows your true strength to identify the potential issue and to deal with it rather than to blame others.

Not what you're looking for?

You may also like...

Want to be with my boyfriend

We are in relationship for the past 4 years bt i can't see him or touch him because of my parents....

He is leaving me and it's my fault .am so afraid

We been friends for a couple of years and he understands me more , just like my mom do .I have been...

Forcing myself to live normal for my kids...

I'm 35. Have 3kids 15 year old girl, 12 year old boy and 7year old girl. I have been depressed for...

Breaking up... hard time.. any advise!

Hi my ex boyfriend had a mental breakdown when i broke up with him. i know it's my fault because i...

Heart broken. Is it my fault?

i feel completely heart broken and lost. I had been with my partner for just over a year and a...