Breaking up... hard time.. any advise!

[ang95]

Hi

my ex boyfriend had a mental breakdown when i broke up with him. i know it's my fault because i left him and he really loves me. but i'm not happy with him. i feel like i ruined him.

He is already having anger management issues and i discovered a lot about him lately and i don't feel comfortable with him, i don't feel like i can continue my life with a person like him, he is controlling, it's always not his fault, he can't be responsible and he is needy..

I tried my best to lift his spirit up, i stayed on his side through tough times and i let everything go just to see him happy but i ended up feeling exhausted and couldn't handle anything anymore..

I talked about him in previous posts and i remember when someone told me that if i don't brake up as fast as i can i will get through tougher times and i did, i'm having a really hard time.

the worse of it, his reaction, he didn't understand, respect or listen to me, he didn't accept the brake up and he kept talking to me, so i cut off all contact after a lot of talk and now i feel worried about him and about everything.. i can't stop thinking

[MAS_Nurse]

Good morning Ang95 and welcome to this caring community. It is very difficult when you brake up with someone you still have feelings for and I can empathise with you. However he is a grown man and responsible for his own actions and words. Please do not feel responsible for his mental well being as this must have been coming on for a long time and would have happened anyway. You are not responsible for him, I know it is difficult but you must look after yourself. As you say you tried to help him so please don't reproach yourself, your last paragraph says it all.

I am sure there are many of our members that hear you and can give you words of encouragement..........

Look to the future and very best wishes for a brighter future.

[ang95 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thank you so much for the support

I will keep myself busy and i will take care of myself more and i hope he will move on and have a new start

[hypercat54]

Hi It is NOT your fault he had a break down after you left him so get that thought out of your head right now. You are not his keeper and who appointed you as responsible for his life? He is an adult and is responsible for himself. Are you supposed to spend your life with him being unhappy for his sake?

Look after your own life and feelings and leave him to look after his. Don't go on any guilt trips as they are a one way ticket to hell. x

[ang95 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you for replying i really appreciate it

you're right.. i will look after myself and i won't take the guilt trip

It was the right decision, i will get through it

[Hidden]

As others have said (and am aware it is much easier said than done), there's no need to feel responsibility for his mental health. It sounds like it was getting harder and harder for you to be in a relationship with him, and if it didn't feel right for you, you did the right thing in ending it.

It sounds like he has a fair bit of work to do on his own issues, and you need to look after your own emotional wellbeing too.

Just my two pennies.

[ang95 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the support i really appreciate it

i will take care of myself more.. it was the right thing to do

[Hidden]

Hiya, sorry to hear that you are struggling with this issue, but, having spent many years in my professional life dealing with these sorts of issues, I can assure you that you are 100% NOT to blame. You cannot be responsible for anyone else's happiness, only your own and if you aren't happy, then that will just drag you down. You have done the right thing for him as well, because he needs to mature and take responsibility for his own life and not be dependent on you. Also, if he has anger management issues, he poses a threat to others and that is totally unacceptable - there are no excuses for this, none. In any relationship you must feel safe at all times, even when things get tough. Your own safety is the absolute priority. Look after yourself, be happy and trust your own judgment when it comes to doing the right thing for yourself. Take care,

[ang95 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for the support

I will try to move on and take care of myself

He is talking to my friend and asking her about me and all..it feels like it's not over yet (for him)

I believe that it's the right decision and i can't be with him, it's not easy specially for him, i just hope the best for him and i hope that he will move on and live his life

[Cat_cat44]

Hi ang95,

I’m just getting back on here after a week. Sorry about this happening. Wow, you wouldn’t believe but you sound just like my ex with me with our break up in dec 16th. It’s alot more but he claimed he just couldn’t take more with me smh. So puttin myself in your ex shoes, he will heal. It may take months but he will. And I agree u aren’t responsible for his behavior.

[ang95 in reply to Cat_cat44]

Hi,i'm sorry about what happened, i really don't know what to say.. i'm glad that everything is better now which means that my ex can heal and he will get through it

I have been through a lot, this relationship took all of my energy and my decision was based on a lot of things, it's not like i just get bored or tired of him, it's so much more then that

Thank you for the reply i really appreciate it

take care

[Cat_cat44 in reply to ang95]

No prob n I meant dec of 2016