New Here

[kateysumsx]

Hi Everyone, I’m new here. I’m beginning to think nothing will make me better as I’ve tried so many things. I suffer with health anxiety and depression and it’s really bad at the minute, I’m off work with it and I’ve never been off work before I’ve learned to cope but it’s getting to much. I just want someone to talk to who’s going through the same and has improved or how they cope? Thank You

[Hidden]

Hi and welcome to this amazing group. I am sorry you are going thru this. I also suffer from depression but it is not severe. It is usually triggered by bad things happening around, when things are okay I am fine. I wouldn't be able to help you much but there are many here in this group who have the same experience with you. You did a great thing by signing up here bcz you will have support and love of others who are going thru the same things as u.

[LAAG]

Hello

I don’t suffer from anxiety and depression myself but my husband does. He was undiagnosed for many years and this past 12-24mths he has been really bad.

I have been going to therapy with him. He couldn’t engage enough when he first went.

These are the things I have learnt in supporting him, maybe they might help you.

- if you are in medication make sure it is the right one for you. Keep going back for reviews if you are struggling don’t just live with it

- have you been to any therapy? For us this has been a slow process. We couldn’t get help on NHS when we needed it so I found a private therapist. I appreciate not everyone can afford this but there are charities out there too that can help. The therapist helped not just with structured therapy but with knowing when to push for medication reviews and changes

- have you got a family member or friend to support you? My husband couldn’t have got the help he needed without me. You have to push to be heard and he just wasn’t well enough.

I don’t know specifically in what way you are struggling but these are some things that have helped my husband.

- make yourself a structured routine especially now you are off work. Have a specific time for everything; getting up, showering, having breakfast. Then maybe go for a walk, have a cup of tea, read a book. Then lunch, then maybe do some breathing exercises, take a nap, prepare your dinner. It sounds a lot but if you can take the time to pre plan your days it gives you structure and routine to follow so when you are feeling bad you can still keep moving forward. I find my husband retreats to the corner of the sods and just sits which is fine for a while but not all day.

- eat three meals a day even if you don’t feel like it. It’s hard but try and eat regularly. The mind needs fuel to help it work efficiently

- learn to have me time and love yourself

I hope some of this helps you 😊

[kateysumsx in reply to LAAG]

Thankyou for replying. This really helps me , sometimes I feel stuck on my own like my GP is not even listening to what I’m telling them. I’m on fluoxetine at the minute but don’t think they are helping one bit as mood hasn’t changed. I’m trying to find a private therapist but finding it hard for recommendations and the cost of some of them are really high! I have a really supportive partner and family but I even think they don’t get it sometimes because they kinda say be positive and you’ve got to look at all the good things but I know there only trying to help but that just doesn’t work with my mind at the minute.

Has your husband improved ?

😊

[LAAG in reply to kateysumsx]

Personally I found the GP quite dismissive at times. I felt they were kind of saying here we have a middle aged man having a mid life crisis. Let's give him some tablets and send him on his way. His needs were very much more complex than this and after me taking control I got a referral to a psychiatrist and mental health team. Which was good but still not great. I have had to keep in touch with them, they don't call to check up on him. It is very much whoever shouts longest and loudest gets the most help. This has taken years and my husband getting to the point of wanting to take his own life.

He is better than he was but nowhere near better. He is working, we have our own business so we can manage what work he does and doesn't do.

If you don't feel the tablets are working go back to your GP and tell them and keep going back until they do something. They might just need to increase your dose. If you are on a relatively low dose I would go for this option first rather than changing to something different. One of the things I have learnt is that they work very much on a standard protocol so everyone starts on the same or similar antidepressant and the dose gets increased so long as you are tolerating the drug. Then after 6mths if you aren't improved they look at adding another medication or changing it. It is very much a trial and error thing to get the right medication in the right dose so you really do need to keep on top of it.

Medication isn't everything though. We have found keeping a mood diary has been helpful. At first I had to really push my husband to write in it as he couldn't see the point but he just records how he feels when he gets up in the morning, whether he had breakfast, lunch and dinner, if anything significant happened in the day and what is mood was like etc. This is all part of the therapy that he is doing. It helps you to see what your triggers maybe and also that somedays are actually better that you might have thought.

Your family are saying the things they do because they care but don't understand. I don't fully understand myself and I say those kind of things to my husband too. I don't think anyone can fully understand unless they have been through it themselves. The therapist we have is £70/hr and I think he is good. It is mostly CBT that we have been doing and even though I haven't got any specific mental health issues myself I have found it really helpful. Have you self referred on IPAT for talking therapies? The waiting list is long. I think it was about 7 or 8mths before they contacted my husband by which stage we had already gone down the private route. If you haven't self referred I would do it, the waiting time is different for everyone and if nothing else you are in the system.

I hope this helps you.

[kateysumsx in reply to LAAG]

Thankyou so much for this. I have a appointment with my therapist on Monday so I will talk to her about my medication and feelings atm etc. And see why she says. Just really struggling to see a purpose atm especially through this lockdown . Hope your husband gets better , I’m sure he will with someone like you by his side. You seem very helpful and positive x

[LAAG in reply to kateysumsx]

Thanks for your positive vibes. He’s in a bad way at the minute. Kind of hoping he goes to sleep and will be better in the morning 😊

[kenster1]

hi welcome aboard hopefully you pick up soon and being here helps.