Stress and anxiety

[greenmann]

Hello all

I have spent most of my life being stressed. I am 43 years old female and I don’t remember life being anything other than struggles and hardships.

I am a minority race working in a male dominated industry. My father is a sexist although it is regarded ‘normal’ in my culture. I fear I chose my profession to prove my father wrong. My working days are spent proving to my managers and colleagues that I am a worthy member of the company. As a result, I don’t perform very well in general and I believe it’s because I spend too much energy worrying about other people’s judgement on my performance, race and sex.

I have many physical symptoms resulting from chronic depression as a result of stress, including severe hair loss, bruxism (teeth grinding), eczema, constant headache, and stomach ulcer. My emotional symptoms include isolation (self induced), irritable, extreme procrastination, sense of hopelessness, loss of motivation and interest in things.

In the past I did CBT and mindfulness for several years, none of which worked.

I have never taken antidepressants due to fear of dependency.

I have taken 2 weeks off work to sort myself out. One week has gone but I still have no clue what to do.

I have spoken with the my GP and also signed up to my local mental health support group.

I tried to speak to family and friends but it makes me more stressed as they don’t seem to understand why I am so stressed. I speak to my husband regularly but it doesn’t help as he is part of the reason for my stress.

I feel stuck and hopeless. Any advice please?

[Hidden]

You need to consider cause and affect of your condition, medications and CBT will help you manage your problems and either accept your concerns and possibly move on.

I do understand how you must be feeling generally there is no reason why you should not be unable to do the same type of work as a Man. However one problem is if the work is very heavy like the lifting of weights or working as a builder may cause problems as the limits of lifting is completely different to that of a Male. I think a female lift is -25% ie 75%l lift.

However if the work is not heavy there is no difference so there should be no difference in your work, So it would be wrong if you are been victimized

Talk to your Doctor, to discuss a Treatment Pathway, try not to be frightened regards medications, You may only be on medication over a short to medium period.

If your work position is becoming a chore you may need to look for another company to work for however it would be sad if you did need to move on.because of attitudes of Male workmates. If however you are not an efficient worker they could sack you I suppose ?

What does your Husband think about your work environment ?

BOB

[greenmann in reply to Hidden]

Hello BOB,

Thank you for taking your time to write the message.

My work is in thermodynamics engineering so no physical work involved.

I’ve recently survived my company’s redundancy and I should be grateful. Instead I can’t help thinking it was a positive discrimination, and that my colleague think I survived because I am a woman.

My husband cannot understand my stress at all because he cannot relate to the concept of sexism since we live in modern world with equality embedded in our society etc. and that I am imagining the whole thing.

I fear I would live the rest of my life as I have lived the last 43 years; stressed, miserable and lonely.

I will try the medication this time as the doctors are very keen to give it to me all the time.

I know there is no magic solution to overcoming stress. But I feel permanently stuck and hopeless. I need the current job to pay the mortgage (the husband has lost his job due to Covid) but at the same time, I feel I am losing my mind.

Will I ever come out of this and experience life of peace?

CBT didn’t help me for some strange reasons. It made me more stressed, with lists, tick boxes, logic and ‘homework’. One therapist told me CBT should work as my job requires lots of ‘logic’ as well. I tried really hard but it didn’t work.

I am seeing the doctor in a week. Perhaps the medication will help.

[Hidden in reply to greenmann]

I feel you are just lacking confidence and that can set any ones teeth on edge I was an Engineer and I was retired due to ill health, I could do the job I was with the company for about twenty six years, I was retired and I never worked again although in some ways I was introduced into various NHS Think Tanks, I had lost my confidence because of my conditions although it did introduce me to various Voluntary positions where I began to feel more in tune with those interests

In your case you must be the best of the best if they kept you on so be thankful and stop questioning yourself on how you kept your job. It is enough for you to feel really confident and energized to carry on in your employment, position.

I will say CBT does work, however yes they educate you on ways to move on from your expressions of Anxiety and low mood, however you will need to understand will be in s be a two way street where you will need to take your condition on and pick up the advice given and run with it. You will need to look more on the positive aspects of your life so you gain confidence and move on accordingly. In conclusion it will all be up to you to approach your problems and make any changes you may need to take to move on

Most people only take medications for several months, it is rare you will need to take them for life. In your condition you should be able to move on. Given that you are just using a tool to help you move through a difficult time, and gain confidence.

Stop beating yourself up, it is sad so many people never fully learn how to move on. They become their own worse enemy. You need to stop that and get on with your Life

BOB

[Mawes]

Do try recommended anti depression medication. They may really help you. I call mine my Don’t Give a F—k tablets.You seem to have loads of issues and may benefit from counselling. You could talk things through with someone who will understand you and will listen. Likely you will come up with your own solutions. Change of mindset required. Keep strong.

[greenmann in reply to Mawes]

Hello Mawes. Thank you for your input! I am seeing a therapist at the moment and it is going well. I tried the medication but it really ruined my mood so I stopped it for now.

It’s been difficult and I don’t see any light at the end of tunnel. Sometimes it’s hard to see why we are here struggling through life with no joy and no purpose.

I have a small dog that needs my care so she is just about the only reason I go through the day and of course my job I have to continue to pay the bills!

Just wish this year would be better than last year.

All the best!

[Torri_____]

I just want to send love your way as I read this and feel a lot for your life and hate that the race and sex and the perception of others puts so much on your plate in that environment. Perspective is a hard thing to manage and I isolate and try to deal w such heaviness alone and it got worse instead of better and am now seeking medical help and have found improvement with a low dose of Lexapro to help my perception clear and I find it didn’t change me at all but helps me see a broader picture. Being in a boxed up part of the world that has such deep racial and sexist beliefs from generations can feel boxed in that environment. And not able to see that surrounding much of the world is now communicating these to better knowledge and less prejudices of these and my being in a different country than I grew up I can see how wrong the boxed up places still are —-yet hope that today’s world is growing and all the past about women and race and sexual orientation and mental health are being penetrated to the boxed minds that we are all maybe fundamentally different but that’s what makes things good. To have diverse perspectives and influences in our lives that are not the same as what is textbook challenges and grows the boxed up world to acknowledge that power is united not divided. I hope you can find some peace and crave to move the boxed up ones to see the beauty of your place in that box that is evolving. Best wishes as you move me w your effort that you worked so hard to be in the position you are and it may feel shadowed rn but I can read it and feel it 💪🏼⭐️. Race sex and wealth aren’t components that make anyone superior. Believe that w all of you 🥰