To be or not to be?: Sometimes like... - Mental Health Sup...

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To be or not to be?

KCindy
KCindy

Sometimes like today, I just don't want to be. People have different ideas about what 'being' is. I tried to BE an obedient child but got abused. I tried to BE a good mother but my illness got in the way. I tried to BE a good friend but my lack of boundaries caused me to be used. I tried to BE a good patient to mental health care professionals but got dumped before I could stand alone. Most of all I tried to BE a good student and I WAS! Top of my class wanted to be a therapist but everywhere I applied turned me down because I had been treated there. One place was going to hire me as an MHA. My own therapist called me and said the possibility might arise that he would have to supervise me and it would make him uncomfortable. I kept trying but never did land a job in the field. So, I put my degree in a drawer and went to work in a factory. Yes I a bitter ! I have called such events 'The Fly Swat Effect' .Seems to happen a lot for me. Now I just hide to keep bad things from happening. BEING hasn't worked. So why BE ? I guess I have ranted enough. It is going to be a tough day.

9 Replies
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I'm sorry you're struggling today. I suggest doing some taking care of yourself. You are important to us and to people you've met that you don't even know. You have impacted lives. There are other positions in the field that you could apply for. I would think about it. Dust to he degree off if you really want to. You were high in your class which means you have it. Do some research.

For today take care of you. A walk, nap, drive, face mask, TV, music...etc..choose 1.

If you want to chat I'm here

🌞🐰🧁☕💜🌻🎃🌈🥅⬇️🐾🌹🌹🦢🦢😊

KCindy
KCindy in reply to Luna_Child

Thanks for your reply Luna. I know I come across as totally negative and I don't mean to bring others down. I haven't had a way to vent in a long time. I searched a very long time for ways to use my degree. I even tried volunteer options. Part of the problem is that I live in a small city. The biggest problem now is my age. I just can't let go of the bitterness and lost possibilities. Because I worked for low wages, I must live in government housing and that is hard at times. Thanks for listening.

Luna_Child
Luna_Child in reply to KCindy

We all get negative and need to vent. We're normal.

Luna_Child
Luna_Child in reply to KCindy

I'm here anytime and I do understand. 🌈😊🌹🐾💜🌻🎃👻🌺

I feel very similar. Im currently a custodian although I have much more talent and skills. But Ive come to realize that what I do doesnt have much bearing on Who I am. Im 46 and still self discovering things about the real me. My confidence is often shaken and my esteem dashed. A good portion of the time I seem to be existing more than living. I am working on that, just need more connection with likeminded people to keep me grounded, encouraged and persistent. Im here if you need someone to vent to or share with.

KCindy
KCindy in reply to DJB74

Hi DJ. I totally understand where you are coming from. Life's circumstances can

push us in directions we didn't want to go. Your comments led me consider how we might learn to separate who we are from what we are forced to do. It's not a simple thing to do is it? Thanks for replying and please continue searching for who you really are. I am here if you need to chat.

DJB74
DJB74 in reply to KCindy

Very thought provoking consideration you proposed with the separation. No its not easy, many times just makes me feel empty. Same here I open anytime. Im just not that good at generalized talks to a whole group. Im the tyoe of personality who is reserved but once I find the right person. I love talking and listening really getting honest, vulnerable and deep. I believe thats were true healing begins

KCindy
KCindy in reply to DJB74

I understand. Being in this group is unusual for me. However, I have found it helpful to realize there are others with similar struggles. I wish for you a better day.

DJB74
DJB74 in reply to KCindy

I wish the same for you

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