I need help

[greymegan]

— Self-harm trigger warning —

Ok so recently I’ve been self-harming quite a lot, so much I ran out of places to do it and began to do it on my ankles and my hands. I was reported for it as I forgot my bandages one day and someone saw me. When the safeguarding officer asked me why, I told her that I simply didn’t care about my self at all and that I deserve to be in pain. I hate how I have to wear gloves or long sleeved things around my family, and how I can’t wear a t-shirt, or trousers that don’t meet me feet. It’s ironic though because although I say this, I continue to cut myself and every time I do it, I do it a lot worse.

More recently I’ve been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and Ménière’s disease which causes many things, including chronic pain. I am refusing treatment because I don’t care enough about myself to get better.

My friend pulled me to the side the other day as she saw my cuts and was asking me why. She then began to ask me about my upcoming brain scan and I told her that I hoped the doctors found a tumour so I could die. She already has depression so now I’m sure that I’ve just made her worse and I hate myself for that.

I am on anti-depressants and and undergoing CBT and general therapy sessions to try and control this but I haven’t taken my meds in a long time and I’m not really bothering with the therapy.

I want to get better. But I don’t want to get better. I mean, I want to want to get better, I just have no motivation to do so.

I need help.

[Hidden]

The first thing to do is take your medications as explained by your GP. Cutting is not the answer you need to be able to understand you are no different than those around you, everyone has problems that can be unseen by others around you. It is important your deal with the feelings of no self worth, your Therapist should be able to bring out why you have these negative feeling and how to control them, Make out a list for when you go for CPD, this will allow you to concentrate on these negative feelings and actions.

To address your problems and learn from your Therapist will help to bring your negative actions to the form. I know it will be hard to gain back your confidence.

Try Relaxation Technique Mindfulness, books on Amazon, this may help you control your negative actions and reduce all that Depression you are suffering from..

Arrange hobbies and diversions , also interesting things you enjoy. Consider joining Mental Health Day Centres where you will meet people with same or similar mental health concerns. You will gain support and confidence mixing with these people. Also you will have a place to go when you feel Anxious and Depressed.

If you feel at risk or need support, yes call the Surgery also telephone 111 Health Service Information and explain how you are feeling especially is the need to cut become to strong .

They can arrange a Crisis Team to call, also a report will be also sent to your GP. You need to attend to you fears in a more positive way.

We are here also to listen when needed so do not be a stranger

BOB

[neon500]

I was a self harmer for 20 years. I never bothered to hide my scars then and I don't now. If people ask, and they only have once I tell the truth. It's a coping method and for me it worked. I never saw as any worse than self-medcating with alcohol or drugs.

[pandaeyes1]

I’m sorry to hear that. It’s definitely something very difficult to go through since so few people understand what you’re going through.

[YogaLife]

You can try this mind trick. Instead of thinking about yourself, look it as if you were your own best friend. What would you recommend to your "friend". Sometimes we are nicer to a friend than we are to ourselves.