I Got A Little Better... Then Today I’ve Gone Back Downhill

[Minileah1218]

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Let’s nust say I’m slapping that rubber band on my wrist, wishing I were dead again. I’ve seen 3 therapists now. I feel like I’ve made so much progress since I started therapy. Today isn’t the day I brought myself back to harming myself even though it’s nowhere near cutting. I’m so upset. People keep telling me things will get better but I don’t believe them. I want to die still. I’ve been praying for God to heal me, but it’s not happening so slowly. I’m still wondering if suicide will take my life one day. I wish someone could just help me.

[Frozenimages]

Hi Minileah. I read your post and a chord struck with me. It's so damn irritating when people say that everything is going to be okay. I read some articles today when I was feeling like I was about to do anything to make the pain stop. It's okay, not to be okay. These feelings are valid and what you honestly feel. People saying "it's going to be okay" makes it feel like the thoughts and emotions are just a passing breeze.

It's good that you are doing therapy and posting on here. Reaching out for support and help tells me that you want to keep living. Keep posting on here. I find that getting negative thoughts out in writing, helps to purge the mind of some of the pain. Noticing that you're making progress is a step in the right direction. There will be days where it feels like everything that was accomplished will be flushed down the toilet in one day.

I can't understand the pain you are going through, but I can offer my compassion. As so many of us on here can. You're not alone. I'm sorry that you are in pain. You are a good person and deserve to be here, just as much as any of us.

[sliverofsun in reply to Frozenimages]

I agree, oftentimes the constant reassurances that everything will eventually be okay essentially make everyone feel like more of an outsider. It's ok not to be okay. It's difficult for people to deal with that notion. Even for me. But maybe accepting that pain, as harrowing as it is, is a step forward in dealing with it, even if it's never going to be okay. Even if, essentially our lives mean nothing to us, those around us don't feel the same way. If we can sympathize with hurt and suffering, then we know we wouldn't wish such a thing on any of our loved ones.

[Minileah1218 in reply to Frozenimages]

Thank you so much for making me feel like this isn’t normal for me to go through. I appreciate the kind words so much ❤️

[Frozenimages in reply to Minileah1218]

There was a time, where I almost succeeded in not coming back. A couple years ago was almost it for me. It's not the way out. There are days where I think that's the solution, but I know that the people in my lives, my children.. they would be utterly destroyed if I wasn't around. There are days where the pain feels like it's suffocating me and my soul won't survive. I try to remember the good things I have to live for. You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it. Rockstar is right. God won't save you. You have the strength, within yourself. The people in your life do love you. They want to help. They may just not know how to give it.

[Minileah1218 in reply to Frozenimages]

Maybe you don’t see it that way, but my faith has kept me here. God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle. I know that He has me here for a reason. That’s the only reason I’m still alive. He gives me the strength to keep going, and challenges me to test my faith. I’m sorry if you aren’t religious, but I will never stop believing in that.

[Frozenimages in reply to Minileah1218]

That is the kind of positive thinking that will keep you going. You have a faith and no matter what anyone says, that's what you believe. That reply to me shows that you have the strength. You know God has you here for a reason and he's not going to give you anything you can't handle. I may not have the same beliefs, but I do believe that whatever guides you through your dark times, hold on to that and help it give you the strength to keep moving forward.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi minileah1218, and welcome back to the forum. I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. Please contact the Samaritans UK 116 123 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You may find it helpful to have a look at crisis support helplines on the pinned posts to the right of the screen. But please go to your local accident and emergency department if you are feeling suicidal or have self harmed. You said you have made a lot of progress since starting therapy and you can continue to make progress, but you do need some help and support and this is fine. As Frozenimages said, it is good that you are reaching out for support and help. Please stay on the forum where you will receive this.Remember that you are not alone. Thank you and best wishes.

[fidty6]

I feel you, I honestly do but at the end of the day, it's only us who can help ourselves. Yes we can get meds from the doc to maybe help a little but it's a tough old world out there we have to face daily, we need to fix ourselves to head out there x

[Khalidwahedy]

Hello Minileah

I am fairly new to this website and there are many people here that are just awesome at helping others. I always find it better to tell someone about it like a friend and they properly listen without judging me. at the beginning I was lost I didn't know what to do or who to tell, it was my final year of university and half way through my first semester i just stopped going then one day I went to university not knowing what to do. I went to my professor office and he asked me to sit down when i sat down he asked me why I have not attended and i broke down that was the first time I ever told anyone about it and by the time we were done talking I felt a little better. I know that me telling you this probably wont help but I hope it does.

[Rockstar662002 in reply to Khalidwahedy]

God won't help u you have to help yaself

[Minileah1218 in reply to Rockstar662002]

Read what I read to FrozenImages.