As mentioned in a previous post, my job will be closing soon and I am in need of a new job. As I’m sure you can imagine this is very stressful (and those of you who have reached out already have been amazing), however I’m now left in a really dark place.
I’m a freelance illustrator primarily and so I’m used to rejection. This job however was my day job, and the way I would keep my head above water. The problem I’m experiencing is that my mind is wired right now to be accepting that I won’t be able to find one, even though I’ve applied to about 55 jobs in the last month.
I hope that makes sense, so it’s almost as if my mind is like “we aren’t going to get anything, because this is what you’ve experienced otherwise”. So I have no other way but to view this negatively.
My mind is playing tricks on me, telling me I’m useless, that I’ve made bad decisions, and that I’ll never be able to do what I am set here to do in life. I tend to immediately go the “I should end it” route whenever I get depressed, but I realize this is false. In turn I’m only left with being depressed and feeling as if I should. I’m having a very hard time being positive and being able to change myself to a positive energy right now. Nervous lump in my stomach isn’t helping keep me calm.
Thoughts, advice and prayers would be so helpful right now
Love you all