Felt more positive than I have for a while yesterday. My tension headache was better and I didn't feel so exhausted. Slept badly last night and now emotionally all over the place. I felt horrible feeling of loss this morning. My mum died of cancer when I was 5 and I was bought up by my depressed dad who never got over the loss of his wife and wasn't able to emotionally parent me. Despite doing a lot of therapy in the past I feel like I've got nowhere.
Now I feel like I've failed to have a happy relationship and I've failed to keep my job. The sadness I think is my grief over these losses but it feels gut-wrenching. Or is it depression and I'm just making things worse?
In the meantime I'm off sick from work, trying to summon the energy to go to the CAB to know my rights, and worried sick about money. I feel like a sad little boy, I don't feel strong enough to be an adult today.
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GlasgowNeil
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I can so associate with this, last year I had to give up work, in a good job, because of my depression and anxiety, I had all the same worries as you, it felt awful, good and bad days, some very bad days.
I can only say to you that I did eventually have more good days, the bad ones became less, more importantly I learnt a lot about me and my feelings, I guess what I'm saying is there is definitely hope, it's amazing what we deal with and how things can tip urn out.
I too have had therapy it helps because even though we may not realise it's teaching us what this is all about, which is definitely a step in the right direction. I still have bad days, but I know it's possible to come through.
I was so worried about money, work, relationships etc just like you. I felt a total failure and hid away. Mine is a long story like most I guess, my journey has been a rough ride believe me....take it one day at a time and don't rush yourself
In the last year since my burn out and still having bad days, I've achieved more than I give myself credit for, and I feel I have taken time.
I've completed a course, it was only one day a week, I've moved into a new place, this has helped me take my life back..it has been tough and not easy, but with help from drs, and seeking out any help available on the days I felt ok it was achieved. I'm still on my journey, it takes time, I'm impatient so after one good day would think that's it I'm ok now...so if I had a bad day I would feel so much worse...
Yes it took me some time to realise about the taking time thing...it did scare me at first ....I wish you well on your journey.....keep in touch, this forum helped me so much in the early days. Some fab people who understand on here
Hi Neil, I'm really. Sorry that you are feeling so alone and upset. I can relate to
The pressure you must feel and the not being able to go to work. When I
Was very Depressed and working. I did find it very hard, because you are under so much pressure to be at work. I found that terrible as if no one at. Work cared or
Understood, all the wanted was me back at work.
I think you have to accept that you are very Depressed. It's not your fault , I hope you are under your doctors care. Have you been to GP or when do you see him. I think
It's very important that you tell the GP everything . I feel this is Depression as Neil losing your Mum so young was terrible and I'm sure your Dad did his best, but what
Child myself included had enough love or attention in childhood. So I feel you
Shouldn't get too bogged down in the past . As this will stop you dealing with your
Present circumstances.
I hope a bit of this helps , You are Depressed and you must start to manage this
And then you will start to make progress.
Neil I have to go now to shops.Will talk to you later. If you feel terrible the
Samaritans could help too to listen.
Gentle hugs
Hannah
Hello
Sorry that life has been a real trial, My family were not interested in my bringing up and I spent nearly all my free time with neighbours, who took me out and educated me in all things domestic etc, My mother told me recently that she gave up on me when I reached ten yours old, so my surrogate family continued to look after me until I left school and attended College.
Now I have a wife and dog and we live well away from my family, in fact we have disappeared of the map.
Over the years I have had to have extensive mental Health Treatments and I suppose many of my problems in the distant have made me what I am now, Now I am unable to trust.
After being employed for several decades I was medically retired and so that instigated more distrust on my behalf.
So I suppose I may be able understand how you may feel. We all I suppose wear the badge of regrets, angers and cannot really forget those horrible things that blasted us when young. Now we have try and forget and carry on with our lives, hoping we will not make those problems for others to suffer from. Life is full of hard knocks, so we need to try and be more positive in our outlooks to life
Sadly I know we cannot protect ourselves from life problems, all we can do I suppose; is try and be positive and not let things bother us as best we can
Hi, everyone. Thanks again for replies and support. It's the headaches and pain that get new going. I felt positive yesterday because didn't feel so tense. Now today I have bad headache and that leads me into a downward spiral. The headaches cloud my view of everything. They leave me feeling too weak to cope.
Physical pain completely drains you. Work at finding out the causes and improving this and don't worry about "insisting". If you think how many people a GP see in a day that is all it is; we have to be persistent but polite and just get what we need, which you are managing to do quite well. It may be you are taking too much medication, but never reduce medication suddenly or without consulting your GP. Yes, stress will be making it worse but there could well be a physical cause. In my case my severe migraines were hormonal ; less likely in a man but nevertheless there could be a physical cause for much of this.
Also regarding what you have said about your past I always feel honoured (and improved myself)to read what people share as it makes me feel "less alone". Today you need to look after "your little self" more than ever.
Reality of work/benefits; its a stressful field; try and look after your own interests; it isn't selfish, we all have to do it. Do it on a good day if you can but within their timescale.
Also if you can,
don't do things alone. I appreciate you and your girlfriend are no longer "like that", but hopefully you will have built up a good relationship and is she able to support you in all these things?
People with low self esteem tend to focus on "losses" and feel like "failures". The fact is you are doing your best and the fact that you are still friends with your ex partner shows to me you're not a failure. Life goes through phases. It's finding the level that is right for you. If I had to work for example, I could not cope. That does not make me a bad person, but it does make trying to have enough to live on an issue and I just have to remind myself that I contribute as well as I am able, as I am sure you do. Same goes for pain. It's hard to be cheerful when you are in significant physical pain. My focus has been to try and reduce that pain down to a manageable level again as a first priority, which is also what I'm suggesting to you. Everything else then becomes more manageable. Don't feel selfish for keep trying to get that help.
I felt your pain when I read your post. Nothing can substitute that feeling of loss. Please don't feel sad, I'm glad you shared how you are feeling with supportive people.
Do try and build the courage to get to the CAB as this is no doubt getting on top of you. Having money troubles justs adds to your woes. If you get to get grips with money it can help.
Like you I have failed countless times at relationships. I tell myself they were not right for me and there is someone out there for me. Take heart GlasgowNeil you just haven't met that person yet. She's out there!
How have you failed to keep a job? Depression does really cloud your thoughts. I'm no specialist, but everything just looks bleak and dark.
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