Parenting advice

[Lofty916]

My daughter walked out 3 years ago and recently returned home after her relationship broke up with her boyfriend unfortunately as he was heavily into drugs she followed the same path and she hardly ever came to see us, since returning home and telling us she had been taking drugs she did say it was under control and she didn't need help to come off the drugs however in the 3 weeks she was here she never stayed at home she would disappear and my thoughts were because she needed to feed her habit sadly I was proved right and then she got back with the boyfriend and she has moved back in with him, we have tried so hard to persuade her to get help but some how we have lost all influence in her life she hates us, we went mad when we found out she had got back with her boyfriend so I decided to do some detective work and went through her Facebook messages I understood I was invading her privacy but I needed to know if my fears were in fact fully founded sadly the messages did confirm my worst fears and her addiction was far worse than I thought also she had been going out having sex with boys she had met online, now she has cut us out of her life completely has any one been through something similar and can help me to find a way to help her its her 21st birthday in December her life has barely begun but I fear it will be over all to quickly if I don't do something, everything I've tried over the last 3 years hasn't worked and family and friends can't help because they haven't had any similar experiences so we are all terrified for what might become of her

[Hope222]

My God! That is a terribly heart breaking story. As a religious person, I will say a prayer for you and your daughter. From a practical.point of view, you might speak to your daughter's family doctor and see what the options are to help her. You are obviously a good kind mother and are still in a position to enable your daughter to reset her life.

[Lofty916 in reply to Hope222]

Thank you for saying a prayer for us that means a lot I'm not a practising Christian but I do believe in God and the power of prayer. Regarding your suggestion about her doctors I have already tried that they offered counselling but she didn't feel she needed it she doesn't believe there is anything wrong with what she is doing I had a quite word when she left the room for a moment for blood test and without her consent they can do nothing

[Hidden]

Sometimes when drugs are involved it can destroy the whole family especially when you become involved in financing the habit, for love of the child involved. It would seem obvious that after the last visit, She is now not wanting to interact with Her family now, given Her age, the only way forward will be :Tough Love:, where you walk away from the situation you find yourself in and wait for Her to come back to you and you are able to stipulate the need for Her to stop the addiction.

With the problem of sleeping around, is She doing this to get money for their both addictions, Her and Boyfriend where the boyfriend is also using your daughter to pay for drugs etc, in other words your daughter is being exploited by Him

Have you given money for Her habit, you eventually stopped, this lead to the situation you find yourself in. If this is the case and your heart can rule your head could really cause you financial problems, if this is the case as mentioned earlier, move on. Your daughter need to help herself in more ways than one

BOB

[hypercat54]

Hi this must be awful for you and I do sympathise. She is an adult and the only thing you can really do is re-open the lines of communication and let her know she can always talk to you. Don't whatever do you be judgemental but instead kind and supportive. The more you criticise her choices the more she will kick against you. This doesn't mean enabling her or agreeing with her but at least you can still be in touch and hopefully she will know she can turn to you if needed.

I know it's not the same but my mother criticised me for 40 years about my smoking and her nagging had no effect whatsoever except to alienate me. However when one day she said she loved me and didn't want to lose me and it broke her heart for her to see what I was doing to her child - well this made me think a lot more. I took this on board a lot better. Not easy I know but it is the only thing you can really do.

Good luck. x

[Hope222]

Good grief! My advice would be for your to sit down and think who might be able to approach her. So for example, one of her friends. It must be awful for you now but there are cases where parents have made the effort you are making and have succeeded. Make a list of her contacts/acquiantances/friends when she was in her teens and see if they are willing to help.

Good luck!