I'm not sure why I'm here

[Sam420]

So it just gone 3 in the morning and I'm wide awake once again. I'm glad I have found this place because I feel completely alone right now. I have been depressed for a number of years due to various reasons and I have never been able to openly talk about my issues. It got to the point where I would bottle everything up so much I would use drugs to help take the pain away. And not the kind of drugs that a doctor would prescribe.  

Recently my life has taken a turn for the worse, my boyfriend which I loved very much and was the reason I got myself out of bed in the mornings has broken up with me. I feel empty without him now, last year I moved away from my family home and away from all of my friends as I thought I needed time to clear my head, this only seemed to make things worse for me. My depression only grew and I became very lonely. I have not even reached the age of 18 yet and I feel as if my life is completely worthless and I am a burden on this earth. I'm not sure who or where to turn too, so I guess that's why I'm trying to vent my problems here. Support is something that I haven't had much of over the years. I just want to talk to somebody that might understand what I'm going through right now.

[Hidden]

Hi I am sorry you are going through all this on your own.   Have you ever told your family and friends how you feel?    You don't say whether you have been to your doctors at all and if not you need to go and get a proper diagnosis.  Treatment of meds and/or cnselling should be able to help you. 

Often depression will go away of it's own accord but if not you need to get help.  It can be a serious illness but your doctor will have seen and heard it all before so don't be afraid of seeking help please.  x

[loggerslot]

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your tough time. firstly, you are not a burden on this earth, the world's politicians are the biggest burden on this earth, just look at the US, EU, UK, Turkey, Syria, Russia, Iraq, they are the real burdens, not you. 

Break things down in your life and overcome each one with a solution. 

1. you say you are alone. If you are under 18 years old then I strongly suggest you go back to your family and friends. I'm sure they would be happy to see you. It not our fault but I know from my own experience that pushing people away and becoming alone and isolated is our own doing due to depression. No matter what advice anyone gives or how simple it sounds it always comes across as a difficult one due to depression.

2. you say your BF has left you. I'm sure and I've been through this a few times that having someone leave you that you feel so close to and felt a strong bond with is not an easy thing to overcome and it takes time to heal. The best way to overcome this is to change how you think about it, in the sense that if you truly love that person then for their happiness, wherever or with whoever that maybe, you have to let it go and move on for yourself and your own sanity. think of it that you both played a part in each other's lives and if that was the end of it then that destiny was meant to be. that broken bond may highlight a weakness in you that you never knew about and now you can deal with it and be stronger in yourself and the same goes for your ex. I know words are easily said than done.

3. You need to get the right support from your GP. you say you take drugs to help with coping. You need to tell your GP about this so that they can administer the right support for you and also tell them about your depression. they will do a questionnaire and depending on the results they will give you the right medication. 

4. If you want an alternative way to understand depression then it's biggest cause is ongoing stress or termed as chronic stress. If you don't lessen this stress then it will cause a huge imbalance in your body and mental state. Animals show this stress but its for their own defence if threatened, in the wild but our environment is man made so no natural threats except social ones. your thoughts that linger on from the past are the ones that cause this stress and if you want to get that balance right in yourself and in your mind then these thoughts need to be tamed and removed and all the energy gone into those thoughts needs to be put to better use to balance the scales. this will take time and determination. if you can find the will power in yourself to do this then you won't be on anti depressants for very long and all your issues will slowly disappear in turn making you stronger because this process is about changing the way you think to reduce the stress and practising to keep it that way. I don't want to go off topic but I've done a blog on my experience with depression and they might be some useful tips in there that you might find helpful  blogerslotaboutdepression.b...

[Matrix in reply to loggerslot]

Beautifully put x

[Stilltrying_ in reply to loggerslot]

Thank you loggerslot for posting up this link to your blog. It is very enlightening and a pleasure to read someone who has put so much effort into their own recovery; there are many truths in there. You deserve the best, Gemma xx

[Bentleyboo]

Hi Sam420, Im sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time at the moment but things will get better in time. First things first phone a friend or family member up and let them know what is happening as I'm sure they will welcome you back with open arms. Then on Monday morning phone for an emergency  appointment with your doctor (hopefully you have one) and tell them everything and get the treatment you need. In the meantime stop the unprescribed tablets, they will only make matters worse.

If you are wide awake again tomorrow morning, read a book or magazine to take your mind off things. I've had problems sleeping since my abusive childhood so I do jigsaws or have a warm shower. I have been known to do some painting. You could always phone the Samaritans if you need to talk to someone.

Hopefully things will get better for you. Start by swallowing  your pride and phoning a friend or family member and making that first step towards getting the help you need, also don't forget to phone the doctors.

Please make that phone call and stay in touch with this forum and let this great forum help you. 

Sending you a big hug x

[Sam420]

Thank you everybody so much for all of the kind support. It's nice to know there are people out there who really care and want to help. I have been to the doctors previously and he seemed to just turn his nose up at me, he referred me to a specialist which I am still waiting to hear from. I told him about the drugs that I had been taking to help ease things and he seemed to just tell me everything i already know about the drugs. This has made me not trust the doctors as I feel that they  simply do not care as I'm sure they see lots of teenagers every day claiming to be depressed and just turn a blind eye too it. I guess that's why I've turned here for help. Depression is a common thing in my family as my mother is prescribed very strong anti depressants. And this makes me worry a lot, I don't believe in presciction drugs as I prefer healthy natural remedies and taking anti depressants is something that I would struggle with a lot. And my friends would not approve of them either as it would only make them worry for me even more 

[loggerslot in reply to Sam420]

Sometimes GP's can the highest paid jokers you can come across and some are utterly useless. for your issue there can be a number of causes. reading below it seems drug use could be a cause of your depression so trying to reduce that might help you. if it doesn't then turn back to your GP and they will carry out the next step. If GP's intention is that anti-depressants are required then he needs to make sure they don't interfere with the drug use, which is what the specialist will help you with otherwise all the fault will land on GP for neglect.

I would advise if its a big GP surgery and if there is a female GP, visit her and ask her what is the process to come off drugs, why you are booked with specialist, what specialist will do, what will happen afterwards. As with most things NHS, things can take time as there normally is a huge waiting list for various mental health drug services. The more question you ask the more you know and better prepared you can be.

keep up the courage to quit the drugs slowly to avoid withdrawal symptoms and when you look back you will see what a changed person you have become.

take care

[Photogeek]

Hi there you say that you prefer natural drugs not antidepressants. Am I right ? Well if your taking drugs as you said you were, then there is nothing natural about that. I know your not 18 but what you say is contradictory and doesn't make sense. Drugs are a depressant and anyone taking them can get mental health problems. You need to stop them now, and if you need help with this, go back to your GP or try a different one.

You need family and friends at this time, are you a student or working ? sorry about the Breakup but you will get over that and you are very young anyway to be having a BF and getting too serious. Good luck and keep n touch.

Hannah

[Sam420 in reply to Photogeek]

I dont think you quite understand the seriousness of my drug problem. It's something that has been a big problem in my life from a young age. You say I need to just stop it but it is a lot easier said than done. It's a process which will take a lot of time to fix. I am not a very strong minded or intelligent person and I probably did contradict myself. But you can probably see the point I'm trying to get across. I feel doctors can not help me as they do not understand the issues that I have, that's why I have come here for support. My family have also been very supportive over the last few days when things seemed to go from bad to worse.

[Photogeek in reply to Sam420]

Hi Sam and yes your right , I did t realise that you had a serious drug problem, I thought it was maybe smoking a bit of weed etc.  I think you really need to get to a good kind GP and ask for help for the drug problem, I know it's not an easy road to take, but you have youth on your side which is a great asset, I think you will have to start and just ask for help. 

There are lots of programmes for addiction and you would be give. Support, but you will have to be honest with your GP and don't be a bit ashamed as lots of people have drug problems.

Stick around here and you will get lots of support. I am glad that your family can help as Sam you are very young , so that must be hard for you too, we all need support to overcome different things in our lives, 

Ok Sam look after yourself and keep in touch and take good care of yourself 

Hannah

[Matrix]

Oh  my dear I'm so sorry your feeling so sad and I do know what your talking about. Like the others have said it is important to see your doctor and he has heard it all . You are not a burden and we are all here to help you as we have been helped also. This is just the depression talking ,telling you that you don't matter , it's a total lie , you are so young and I say that not to say you can't feel the way you do.  I want to tell you something that was told to me when I was younger and its this This too will pass , and I have lived by that . It really helps me when life is hard . 

Please make an appointment with your dr asap ,.Its no good saying  there are plenty more fish in the sea , because I know you don't want to hear that , I didn't either . Sending you a hug and by the way I know why your here , to have a life and enjoy and to help others too , but that's a little way down the line , to how you feel now . Take care 😇

[Sam420 in reply to Matrix]

Thank you so much for the support. Being here and reading all of these comments really has made me feel a little better about myself and I cannot thank all of you enough for that. After venting my problems to you guys I finally plucked up the courage to openly talk about my depression with my mother and she really wants to help me get batter. I feel that maybe things might start to get better soon, but I never stay hopeful because anything can happen. 

[Matrix in reply to Sam420]

You are so welcome sweetie . Life is tough and hard but it's lovely and exciting too . That's great news about your mum , I'm so glad you found the courage to talk to her . I know things will get better and I'm excited for you .😇💕

[tanarg in reply to Sam420]

You are a VERY intelligent person. I can tell by the way you write. Stop putting yourself down and recognize your own God-given gifts. You sound so positive and hopeful that it makes my heart swell with joy.

[Sam420]

Thank you everyone so much. I feel this is the greatest support I have received off anybody for a long time. Although my thoughts bring me down and stop me from progressing in life I feel that I now have some hope for the future and what it might bring. It's not going to be an easy ride, i have been unable to attend college or any education for over a year as I cannot overcome my social anxiety and this is a barrier that I must get over. Most of what I'm going through is my own doing, I thought that I needed to be on my own to clear my head, but I now realise that being around people who care is the greatest support anyone could receive, and you lovely people have showed me that. And I cannot thank you enough. 

[Olderal]

You are certainly not a burden and I'm sorry you've had a bad spell lately. 

At your age boyfriends will come and go and it is certainly heartbreaking to lose someone you loved. Remember we've all gone through this and although you may have felt your boyfriend was the one for you , if he did n't feel the same he was wise to break it up especially if he began to realise he meant more to you than you to him.

Just regard yourself as lucky you have had a wonderful relationship and lucky its ended if he felt he was n't right for you. That of course won't ease the pain in the short term but you'll see it later.

Many people are lonely but at your age it should be easier to make new friends. Workmates ? Clubs ? There must be others your age in the new area looking for company on a night out. Ask them , I'd be surprised if you got turned down very often. Just grit your teeth and take the iniative.

How about a w/e visit to home ? You could talk about the problems you are having with friends and family. They are bound to have suggestions and discussing it with them can only help .

At 17 you have no idea what life will bring. Its unlikely but you might turn out to be very important in the grand scheme of things and whatever turns out you won't be worthless , even Hitler had his value. Takes some finding though.

Big hug .Olderal

[Mayday29]

Hi sam, so sorry to read your post. I really do fel for you. You are very young to be going through this on your own. I lost my mum at your age and went though so much stuff so I have a slight insight into how you feel. You could try to reach out to someone. A friend, work colleague or family member.or you could go to your doctor. Tablets can help to get you out of the bad place and help you to see more clearly. I have been on and off them for years and they do work. It helps to know that others are going through similar stuff and also that things do get better. It may not feel like it now but your life has so many possibilities and good things to come. Hope this helps s bit. xx

[Kessa]

hello Sam,

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so sad. I've also experienced some bad break ups and I know how painful it is. I'm not very good at dealing with abandonment as I'm still working on it but feel free to message me if you want. I know how hard it is and If it can make you feel better you can write to me or someone in this community, you don't have to be alone in this.

I would also mention that it' s ok to get help, I know sometimes we think our problems aren't big enough to reach out but maybe if you trust your gp you could talk to him/her and get some counselling/therapy for what you're going trough. Many people benefit from therapy and you wouldn't have to turn to your drugs anymore, which are a quick fix for your problems but don't really help you in the long-term.

You are not a burden, hun. You deserve all the happiness in this world.