I don't know where to start because a part of me was taken from me yesterday.
Ive tried screaming..but I cant
When I try to sleep or close my eyes I see my little buddy, my sidekick,my other limb,the one who has been by my side for 12 1/2 years NEVER leaving me alone.
Many of u will think its stupid and not understand.DONT reply to me with your nastiness because I wont reply and u wont get to me.
My little man was "Buster". I had him since he was 8 weeks old..and I knew he was the one.It took me a long time to find him.I needed to "have that feeling". Minute I saw him and how we connected.. I knew he was "right one".
Ive been in 3 MVA's and have ALOT of permanent medical issues.Some with no cures.The worst one is my "Dystonia".They twist me into positions that almost seem impossible,leave me like a statue, and I look like Im having a stroke, until I use my mm and then Im left with non working hands,legs,speach,my vision is bad,hearing off,cant think well,very severe pain and severe depression.
My little buddy would know when I was gonna have one before me sometimes..hed even let others in my house know to come help me. After I took my mm he would jump up on my bed ,push up against me and not leave my side..even for days,months,but to only eat and drink. When my severe pain would get horrific he would push up against me where it was and help ease my pain physically and mentally.He had no training for any of this.. he just knew how to help me.He knew things no one else knew because I don't do well with other humans..because they stare at me,pull there kids away from me like Im contagious,they are mean and don't understand what Ive been through. He did.
I spend most of mydays and time at home and in bed or laying down.He was always by my side.ALWAYS.
Many of u wont understand my bond with him, but I feel like a piece of me is broken and taken from me.Him and I had our own world.
He loved getting dressed up and would know when I came home with a new outfit in a bag. He would always greet me with a "Woo Woo" sound.. and I would call him Mr. Woo Woo. He loved everyone and would even have a funny little smile sometimes.
Smart is an understatement.. smarter then me and always looked at me with his big brown marble eyes, like he was saying"Mama Im right here..I understand.. we can do this together,Im not leaving ur side.
Yesterday I took him to the vet for what I thought was simple and was told to take him to the e/r vet immediately.I raced there and 7 hours later I had to say goodbye to my best buddy and my little prince. There was no choice.I sat with him in my arms and told him I loved him,mama loves you, and thank you for helping me live and being there for me.He didn't want to look at me. When his heart stopped so did mine.I knew before they did. I barely could leave the place without buckling to the ground several times.How I got home?? I felt like I wasn't driving.The loud music did nothing,I tried screaming in my car and couldn't.
I brought my little man home and buried him just before sunset with his bed,clothes and etc.I just laid on the ground not wanting to leave him.
My little Buster was under 20lbs,chihuhua,cairn terrier.Looked like "Toto" but with an apple head,long legs and thin.Everyone saw the "Toto" I didn't.I saw the perfect mix.My best friend,my buddy,my other limb.
He helped me to live each day when some days I couldn't see why.My "Ironman suit" had him in it.I always said I had an ironman suit to protect me from the outside world of other humans meanness and stupidity.Inside the suit was the broken me just keeping my head held high and always telling everyone Im tough..Im fine.. when I never was.Im so afraid of having an Episode..he wont be there to help me through it and be there till Im better and through it..No human could do that for me, even though MANY have tried.
I know "Ironman" is fictional, but when u wake up daily in 24/7 severe severe pain pain mentally and physically, n just bandaids (mm) and no cures for whats ailing u and ur only help,love of ur life isn't there today..what do I do.I cant fly away like "Ironman" my superhero powers are gone to shield me.My lifeforce is depleted.
I also woke up to my Tracphone ..with no "Camera" pictures.My screenshots,downloads all there."Camera"..gone with all his pics.I only have one in a frame.Im heartbroken.
Sorry Hippolove1 cant help anyone today..I cant help myself and cant stop crying.
Hold ur little buddies close and cherish every moment like I did..with yours.
Ironman died on screen..mine died in my heart.
I love you Buster..,my booboo,my wowoo,mylittleman,my misterman, my heart,my breathe.Thank you for helping me to live each day and see u and ur beautiful eyes .My heart goes with yours.Sleep my little prince.Heaven has you now.Ill see you one day and Ill hold u in my arms again.xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox