Should take him off my profile

Im a member of the running forum and someone has just messaged me saying some stuff and then "say hello to tosca for me"....

Made me feel really weird...I didnt feel like crying. Why didnt I cry?

I feel like im not upset as much as I should be. I still cant believe its happenend and cant believe hes not in the house. There are periods I forget and then I remember being in tje vets yeterday and his little weird cry Which id never heard before. His face as he was being injected...his blood on the tissue from the haunts me...I get like a burning feeling, bit likr when you panic about something. But I dont feel distraught like I did last Sunday when I didnt think he was going to be here much longer.

I feel guilty for laughing in work and getting on with things. Why am I not more upset?!!!

I did cry a bit yesterday when i got home and when I woke up in the middle of the night but it didnt feel like it did when I first thought we would have to have him put down.

I cant stop thinking about my mum and shes as upset as I should be.

I cant believe hes not here, but why am I not more upset...I want to be upset!!!!

I feel so bad :(


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6 Replies

  • Hi Zoe.

    Maybe you could put little post up on the Running Forum saying your. Darling

    Tosca has died . He was such a big part of your life , I think changing your photo with Tosca would not be good for you right now. I'm sure not everyone Will ask about

    Him, if you feel like it tell them , if not let it go.

    Please don't feel guilty about not crying and laughing in work. That's the minds

    Way of coping and enabling us to function at some level, otherwise we would be

    Crying all day. So relax , you know how much you loved him, and just accept

    The way you are.

    Don't feel guilt at. All , I felt guilty when my Burmese died and the vet told

    Me that the cat could not have had a better home. I needed someone to say

    This to me. Zoe I am saying this to you.

    Of course you will miss him and your probably still in shock,don't compare

    Your grief to your Mums, we all grieve in our own way .

    Zoe your doing ok and it's baby steps. One day at a time and you will get a tiny

    Bit less raw each passing day.



  • Hi Zoe

    I have only just seen your most recent post about Tosca. I am so sorry to hear your sad news.

    You say that you feel so guilty that you aren't as upset as you feel you should be, but like Hannah has said, you are still likely in shock. We all grieve in different ways so don't judge yourself too harshly. You might find that something will suddenly trigger your mind at some point and the tears will come or maybe not, each of our body mechanisms work differently, but you know one way or other that you cared and loved him and that's all that matters.

    Take care

    Tracy xx

  • As Tracy and Hannah say - we all grieve in different ways - at different paces.

    sometimes when all the emotions are really raw and difficult I feel completely numb - like it's too much for my brain to take in so it flicks a switch and goes elsewhere - it's me not something to feel guilty about.

    When I lose a cat I have a time of being very tearful.

    When my father died I didn't want to cry at all - which was partly because I knew he didn't want people to be sad about his passing though we all were. I certainly didn't want to cry in public as that felt totally disloyal.

    Even for the same person grief can take many different forms.

    It's really difficult at the moment not to remember him as he was just before he died - that is part of grief as well - but you don't have to feel guilty if you remember a good time and smile - or if you forget and have a good time with colleagues at work. It's all natural.

    Have you tried talking to your mum about Tosca and some of the good times? ... if you have a good funeral director that is one of the things he will try to get the family to do - it's about moving away from the moment of death and to really remember the person - or in this case Tosca - the way he was when he was full of life - and that is the way he will be and should be in your memories ...

  • There's no law about how we're supposed to feel about stuff like this. Sometimes when you image how terrible things will be, they end up not quite as bad. Tosca was poorly and now he's not. That's a good thing and you don't need to feel sad. Don't torture yourself with the specifics (blood on the tissue etc) Tosca did not suffer at the vets. What you did was kind and in his best interests x

  • It sounds like you are still in shock, I know it's difficult but try not to keep going through what happened at the vets. Try to think of the happier memories.

    Sending you big hugs

    Jules x

  • Lush as has been said already we"grieve"in different ways I had a little weep when my son died ! but when my favourite Parrot died I was inconsolable! some may think that I am unfeeling but the truth is My sons death did not really hit me until his Birthday a month after his burial! sometimes we think we should grieve when in reality we are happy not for the demise but for the fact we know they are no longer in pain and are in a better place(If you are religious)! Grief has many many forms of showing!!!

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