Mind games

[calmme]

I feel like sometimes my mind can make me feel guilty for things i haven't done but it feels like i have done them its hard to tell what is reality and what is fake sometimes .

[matthew2909]

I know the feeling mines the same especially at night when I’m doing nothing that’s all I think about

[pink83737]

wow i can so relate to you!

[calmme]

It's a terrible feeling. I don't even know what's real only slightly then i think oh maybe i did something wrong then I'm like gosh i did do something wrong. I can't go out without my partner without having intrusive thoughts about cheating

[TaraRae in reply to calmme]

I feel you, I do. When I was younger and healthier, I owned EVERYONE'S MISTAKES. I always felt guilty and have had numerous moments like you are describing. As I keep living, my Dr's 2 more years left to live has come and gone but I'm still here. I believe, as I'm doing this now, that just waking up with gratitude and live minute by minute out of a loving, caring heart makes these "self inflicted" guilt trips, insecurity regarding your mate, ect... putting out positivity is the best way to change that. I was always the person trying to fix broken people, I never fixed and forgave myself for years of guilt. It was HARD TO STOP HAVING SUCH BAD THOUGHTS!! Today, I've been with my in home therapist for 5 years and she gets me. She has really shown me that if I don't treat myself better than I do that Im sending out energy that just pushes people away. I'm not getting better, sad but true. With the clarity I have right now (riding the thin line of do I need to be hospitalized for illness again?) I really get the positive mind = positive results. If you feel in your heart, like intuitively, that your BF is cheating then more times than not you already know the truth. Yes, changing you is hard, fighting back fear and blindly just moving forward for you, for your own sanity can be done. You can't change anyone except you.

I'm glad u brought this up. I had a therapist many years ago that said my body language sent out signals of fear and unfounded guilt. I don't like a ton of meds so I'm trying to not die and FOR ONCE look inward. Idk if u have health problems on top of this but if u choose to start trusting in yourself, maybe faking to be happy until you can do this automatically might help?

I'm so sick today but I want you to know that you aren't alone. I think we all go to that place at some point in our lives. Start today by finding qualities you like about you. Find things that you have no control over and just give it up to God, Mother Earth, anyway you can do this? Yes!! Send that negative thinking away and give up what u cannot control. I hope this helps even if it's just a small glimmer of hope for you, know ur not alone. Take care of YOU!!

~Tara

[calmme in reply to TaraRae]

You talking about your physical health and your personal struggles puts my situation into perspective it could be worse you have to deal with not only your mental health but your physical health and having both of them in not a great condition must be terrifying. I suffer ocd so i usually feel i am doing horrible things to people i love or i live in the past where my loneliness lead to loads of sexual partners in which i find hard to forgive myself it wasn't in my morals to act that way but I just did because i wanted nothing more then to feel loved and me loved. My expectations of people are unrealistic and my expectations of myself are the same its really complicated when you have a war going on in your head

[calmme]

So sorry to hear about your health I'm always here to talk 😍

[TaraRae]

Oh you sweet woman. TY. Feeling the way you do is similar to the way I spent most of my life. I have OCD....BAD!! My Son, ok all 3 of my kids have OCD. My daughter has similar prob's with wanting to feel loved. I'm glad she's my bff as she and I discuss this topic frequently.

Just know that you are great, BELIEVE THAT!! Think of what others might see you as. If you don't feel understood then figure out why. Honestly, if all parents were as open and connected to our children throughout life then you were probably taught these thing?? I wasn't taught them until very late in life. If u can, just make a list, OCD people in my life love lists, and 1st write down ALL OF THE AWESOME THINGS YOU KNOW ARE TRUE ABOUT YOU!!! Then, look at yourself realistically and write down somethings you'd like to change. (Even write down things you may not be able to change, write um down regardless). Look at your list of amazing things you've done, what others say about you to your face, what you know to be true about you. Never forget that you are worthy of love, worthy of investing some time soul searching. Idk? I just know that this helps me daily. If crap goes bad I just try to shake it off and then "restart" my day. Hoping you can unplug that OCD, depression, fear, just feel love....be love. Love will conquer bad thoughts, insecurity, ect. This awesome love you will receive will be from you, for you! I enjoy challenging myself, maybe you will too? I answered your post as I know. I've been there and fight daily not to return to that dark place in my head.

Be kind to yourself, you are your own best friend! TY for being a nice human. I find that the "goid people" just search me out now! Take Care, ~Tara

[calmme]

Thank you tara and love to your children also i have just became a nurse so i get a lot of my self worth from my jobs but it's hard to take criticism from patients or if i pull their shirt off and it hurts them a bit i just feel shocking like my gosh i really hirt them i always feel like people don't like me but it's me that doesn't like me really i will write a list today thank-you for your time and support i appreciate you you have changed my life and aspect on a lot of things your inspirational xx

[TaraRae]

Oh, I love this. I get where your mind is, mine used to reside there. I was only defined by the negative people in my life. I really had no clue what feeling I had but it always came back to fear. I'm trying, very hard, to just let it go and love me. I feel like I'm seeking approval with my kids, my family, strangers!! Yes, I feel I am the cause or blame to everything.....well, I'm trying NOT TO DO THAT!

I now keep positive, loving people in my life. Those I love most know how hard this is to change bur they are supportive. Ultimately, this us my body, mind and soul. I just am gonna be great with the past is gone. Everyday I wake up with gratitude. I wake up fearless. Finding out who I am, while I'm slowly dying is both a blessing and well, I need a few more years. Love you. You are worthy of that and so much more!!