I’m 29 years old and I’m currently attending individual therapy and a therapy group once a week (haven’t been to group in two weeks though, but I’ve been religious about my individual sessions).
I have always been a sensitive person, very emotional, logical too, but I have a terrible tendency to picture the worst case scenarios in my head. I evaluate every possible situation and outcome and I usually focus on the ones that would be more painful to me.
This has always affected me in my romantic relationships because even when things are going great it’s like my brain says to me “hey, sure he’s amazing BUT... what if he changes and hurts you? What if he gets tired of you?” Etc, etc. This has created some serious trust issues in me towards almost everyone.
I need to stop overthinking. I’ve tried meditating and sometimes it helps a bit, but the self-sabotaging thoughts keep coming back to me sooner or later that same day. I talk to people, I’m open about this.
But lately it’s been driving me insane. I’m having nightmares, recurring negative thoughts, incredibly low self-esteem and it’s now affecting my relationship with my boyfriend, who happens to me an amazing man and we have plans of getting married and he’s very understanding, empathetic and loving. I just don’t want to look at EVERY LITTLE THING and make it into an end of the world scenario.
Does anyone have advice as to how to deal with obsessive negative thoughts? Please. It wasn’t as bad before, but the past couple of months have been very difficult for me and it’s affecting my everyday life.
Written by
LuthienRB
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Hello and welcome to this community and sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment. It is good that you have access to individual and group therapy and that you are open with them and also that they know the detail of how things are with you now. Hopefully our members will share their experience and wisdom with you. You say the last few months have been very difficult. Maybe you could let us know if there was something in particular that caused these difficulties? Please keep in touch.
Hi, and thank you! No, there haven’t been any real issues going on. Which is why I’m so upset about this, I feel like my mind is so used to having these “walls” up, as some sort of defense mechanism, it’s almost as if I can’t accept when things are going ok in my life. I doble guess everything, if my boyfriend does something nice I wonder whether he just does it to make me feel better, I obsess over the past (like his past experiences for example) and stuff like that.
I just want to be able to live in the present without constantly wondering if something hurtful is coming my way. I always have my guard up and it’s become incredible exhausting.
You could try researching mindfulness, it takes time but that helps me some.
In my opinion there’s no quic fix to this, but we can learn to better manage it the more knowledge we gain. Your therapist should be good for some guidance in this too,
Agree with Olivia here, that there is no quick fix to this issue, I certainly suffered from this and particularly like yourself when in relationships, like everything good had an underlying badness which would cause us emotional trauma!
What I did was effective for me, I took on a new lease of life, I moved, remained single, started exercise, carried on the things I enjoyed, walked loads, tried and tested so many new things - mind there was plenty of challenges throughout this, plenty of struggles and plenty of mind tricks, but today despite these continued challenges, I'm very content and happy.
I'm certainly not suggesting you follow my route, as it sounds like you have a stable life, a good relationship and in the main happy, apart from the MH issue, but I would put forward is shifting your mindset into something new, different, challenging, something which is going to switch your focus away from everything you see now! The longer we sit and comfort negative thoughts, the more we feed the problem, start doing something outside the box, it might be a struggle, a pain, tiring, but I strongly believe our brains aren't all that bad, we just need to shift the gears with whatever help we can get, anything is possible.
Thank you for your words, it helps a lot. Yes, I do have a good relationship and for the first time in my life I actually see myself marrying someone, I really want to cherish that.
But you’re right; it’s about breaking bad habits. I’m SO used to being like this, since I was a teenage probably and it’s so easy for me to just expect the worst (sometimes I get so obsessed with this that I end up being the one who “makes” bad things happen, just so I can feel like I was right all along).
It’s hard for me, sometimes I’ll be having a great day and boom I start thinking about some random thing from the past that hurts me, or fears that I’ve always had begin to show up, it’s like my own mind is not comfortable with the idea of being happy and ok.
I think I need a healthier lifestyle too, and working on me as much as possible. I usually allow myself to live my life focusing on my loved ones and forget to focus on me...
I get exactly what you mean about doubting everything when things are good. I do acceptance exercises and ride the wave, I used to drink alcohol when my life was immensely good and ruin it all, I've done it with people, places and things. I have to keep it in the day and accept what is now and enjoy or endure, it's practice but easier if you try and train yourself to think you only have today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is a mystery and no one knows exactly how it's going to be, I mean I have a rough idea but it's today that counts. I make plans but nothing is definite apart from now xxx
That is a great exercise, focusing on today and not the past or possible futures. Sometimes I feel like a twisted side of me “wants” the bad thoughts to come true just so I can say “I knew it!” And feel relieved that all this overthinking wasn’t for nothing.
Very illogical and counterproductive, I know. But it’s very hard for me lately. The first months of my current relationship I was in a “chill” state of mind and I was doing great, we had our issues but it was super rare. Now it’s been almost a year and the past two months I’ve just been obsessing about all the worst case scenarios or like if he’s stressed over work and his life and is very tired physically I take it personal, you know? Like “maybe he’s getting bored” when in reality the man is exhausted.
Just one example of many. He’s been amazing really and super understanding and I feel sad that I need so much reassurance lately, because it makes him feel like no matter how hard he tries I always find something to feel sad or negative... I really want to stop this thoughts and this negative patter inside my head.
I actually behave like an addict in a way, I’m just addicted to these patterns and not a substance or drug.
I'm reading a book justnow called "how to stop worrying and start living by Dale Carnegie. I stress myself that much that half my scalp went numb its rediculous, I'm my own worst enemy lol
Someone just recommended a book called DARE by Barry McDonagh. Apparently it’s a great asset and it’s helped a lot of people in their path to recover from anxiety, try and check it out as well!
Hey . I’m 28 and I just want to say I’m the same as you. I’m finding it really hard to get a grip of my mind . I have to plan around my worries and anxieties . I come up with how I think the future will be, then I plan my reaction .
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Fact or Fiction? Losing my own mind game.
Please help, I can’t re-live this again 
long weekend alone in my mind.
Family 
Anxious
