Suicidal & Ugly

[whatsthepointinthat]

I really am at the point of giving up, this isn't the first time I've been here, but I really want it to be the last. I have never been this unhappy, though. I am hideously ugly, I am totally broke due to a past relationship causing credit issues, alongside my PTSD diagnosis. That means surgery is not an option for me as I can't pay for it.

I've had enough now, my gut is telling me it's time, my heart is telling me I'm broken and there's only so much I can take. I can't take the thoughts and feelings anymore, I can't take being this broken.

I've looked into selling my clothes, selling items, tried a blog, tried the whole selling your pants, selling pictures of your feet and the usual, but to no avail. I'm no good at anything and I'm wasting the oxygen that someone else could be using.

Do I think surgery would automatically grant me happiness? Not exactly, but it would definitely help shift the feelings I am having about myself. I don't have anyone to turn to, no one that would "invest" in my happiness and I'm just done.

Please don't give me the whole "I'm sure you're beautiful", or "beauty is skin deep", "there's more to life than looks" and so on. I'm not looking for a pity party, I just need to get this off my very heavy shoulders.

[Hidden]

your right..i hear you..im getting it off my shoulders too but in a different way..

[hypercat54]

Well there is more to life than looks so that is very true. Don't forget when you look at yourself you only see your face in repose. When others see you, you are animated and talking. This is when your personality shines through and others can see the beauty inside of you. This is what counts, not what looks god gave you. And it's not what people usually judge you by either. I never think of my friends as being ugly or pretty physically, only what they are like inside.

I am female and had very severe acne as a teenager and have had 2 dermabrasions on my face to get rid of some scars and indentations. It did make me feel a bit better though I still have quite a few left though but have learnt to live with them. I won't say I have never got any nasty comments from men who see woman at value of face (instead of face value the way they tend to treat other men), and this does hurt even now. But it's not stopped me living my life regardless and having my share of friends and bf's, and neither should it stop you.

The most attractive thing in a person is being happy in their own skin and knowing themselves well. Once you can do that you can move on. x

[Stilltrying_]

It's good to express yourself. I am considered good looking and I am suicidal too, so there are many reasons for people feeling like this unfortunately. I have something similar to CPTSD I think and I know how tough it is.

I hope that expressing yourself has helped a bit.

Try and hold on . I have just phoned Samaritans (in UK 116 123) but there are similar helplines in other countries.

Every time I phone I feel disappointed in myself as I feel like this so frequently it is ridiculous; but I tell myself I am doing my best and that is what you can do as well. Tell yourself you are doing your best and phone crisis lines if you need to as much as you need to.

Hope this helps just a little bit.

Gemma x

[Hidden in reply to Stilltrying_]

It ain't ridiculous b I phoned them 3 times a week and they were always really nice and yeah your right depression is a illness anyone can have it no matter old young fat thin etc . I have known of people even 5 years old developing anxiety . I developed at 16 it breaks steretorupes that only teenage girls have it I know boys who suffer from self harm and addiction and that changed my Outlook

[Stilltrying_]

Yes I've always found them really good. Last night did help me on the phone. The lady I spoke to really listened to me (this is something I have never experienced as a child as no-one was bothered about me or wanted or cared how I was as they were all so narcissistic and self absorbed.) Just being fully listened to and responded to in a caring way makes a big difference to me. The lady could not have been nicer; at the same time she was not judgmental of my state of mind. I sometimes find the Samaritans is the only place where I can really say how I feel as it is too much for most people and I have to tone it down though I often do write on here about how bad it is and that can help, as well as reading other people's experiences and responding.

I hope you manage to find a ray of hope somewhere. In the meantime hold on ...sometimes holding on is all I/we can do I find and to know you are not alone in your feelings or in your pain. x

[whatsthepointinthat in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thanks, Gemma, I haven't had the best experience with the Samaritans to be honest. I don't understand how all these people can get hundreds of thousands of pounds in surgery with crap credit yet I can't find anything like that in the UK.

[Hidden]

I'm ugly, and there's so many cosmetic procedures I want done. I think it's true, regardless of whatever people say, that people often base you off your looks. I have a dull personality, that I can't change because it's just who I am, so, being ugly definitely doesn't help me.

[whatsthepointinthat in reply to Hidden]

I don't think you look ugly. Glad I'm not alone in the thought process though