Episode Triggered: Advice?

[Aardbark]

Everytime I think of my daughter and son, I get depressed. When my daughter was 12 years old age, she was calling me juvenile and immature. Due to my untreated behavior, I became aware that my ex-wife told them of my mental illnesses. She is now 16 and has not communicated to me in over a year and a half. My son is 14 and showed for Christmas and wrote me a text in March. He at the least let's me text him every Sunday. Today I had to rearranged my apartment which contained many of their photos, triggering another depressive episode. I put all of those photos in one spot. I considered just putting them in a box and forgetting them. However, I know I never truly spoke to my parents until I was 18. I have no idea what they are going through. Any thoughts? Thanks,

Aardbark

[PNIAuthor60]

Can you step back and try to remember why you did not speak o your parents until you were 18 - perhaps your daughter is feeling he same feelings.

I am sorry that your heart aches but glad to see that the photos are still out and not in a box.

It is heartbreaking when our children choose not to be in contact with us. I kept a journal for my son when we went through a period of not talking to each other. Each time I thought of him and of conversations and things I wanted to share, I wrote it in the journal and when we reconciled, I gave him he journal. Our relationship has improved quite a bit but it took a long time bu it was worth the wait.

[Aardbark in reply to PNIAuthor60]

In a single word: pride. I didn't talk to my parents because I thought they were judging me to harshly and could not understand me. As far as a journal is concerned, I'm going to start one. Thanks.

Aardbark

[Aardbark in reply to Aardbark]

Oh, I remember when I finally started talking to my Mother. We had "my" radio station on in the car and The Eagles, "Hotel California" came on. She asked "Why they are they singing about hell?" I had no idea and still not sure if they were. Some folks say that they're singing about prison. Regardless, she gained a lot of respect in my eyes because I never thought about the lyrics. I'm writing you this just so I remember to hopefully to do something to gain some respect. <Essentially my first journal entry.>

[Hidden]

You mention Mental Health Concerns and a break up of your marriage. So I gather your two children have a jaded concern of your Health Needs

What caused your Marriage Breakup ?. I possibly feel your relationship concerns with your children has been instigated by your Wife ? Have you remarried or moved on through life as a single person ?

BOB

[Aardbark in reply to Hidden]

I've remained single, despite dating around for eight years. Now, I'm happily celibate due to my Borderline Personality Disorder. My mental health issues instigated the divorce. However the marriage was doomed. She wanted to find a future Nelson Rockefeller, while St Francis of Assisi is my hero.

Thanks,

Aardbark

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello and welcome Aardvark, this is a very supportive community and as you can see you have received two very good responses from our members.

I am sorry this is such a difficult time for you but well done in not hiding those pictures away. They are still part of you, and as such you can't forget about them or dismiss them either. PNIAuthur has some very valid suggestions especially about the journal, it will help for you to feel closer to them and when the time comes for you to see them again you can show them that they have always been in your heart and thoughts.

Do keep in touch with us and good luck to you,

MAS Nurse & Moderator.

[hypercat54 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

A Freudian slip MAS Nurse? The poster is caled Aardbark, not Aardvark! x

[Aardbark in reply to hypercat54]

No slip. Aardvark was taken and my hobby is carving up used Christmas trees, which includes the bark.

[Annieinneedofhelp]

Hi

I suffer with PMDD which is a mood disorder triggered by my hormones. I get severe depression once a month basically & my children have not coped with this well. I have been called such things by my daughter & at present she hasn’t spoken to me in over a year. My son speaks to me but then stops for months on end, ignores my texts & calls. I have 5 children & they all have at some point been angry with me for something I cannot help. I also get low looking at photos.

Please message me if you want someone to talk to who kind of understands this. My children are in their late teens & early twenties. I’ve got through this many times over the years but my daughter is very stubborn! You’re not alone & there is help so please reach out.

I also have a lot of experience of mental health professionally as well as personal. I work with teens & I understand why they might be feeling how they do. I managed to repair two of my relationships with my children. They need time & they need time to become their own person. It’s very hard for teens & they may lack the knowledge & understanding of your depression. It’s important to reach out to let them know you’re there for them & you love them. Teens can be stubborn & very confused so give them time & no pressure.

They do love you, they’re just very confused & at a very vulnerable age. For two of my children it was easier as I lived with them so could leave information posters lying around. However my daughter & son have their own homes & so even on Mother’s Day, they don’t contact me or Christmas, but they do spent time with their dad on these occasions so that really hurts but I can tell you how I get through that. My son has just come around after many years of shutting me out so there is hope.

It’s a difficult time but you will get through it & there are lots of people that care - including your children - they just don’t want to show right now. But they do care!!

[Aardbark]

I do get to text my son once a week on Sundays. However, this week I sent him a text on Saturday encouraging him to do something for Mother's Day. I try to remember how I isolated myself from my parents at their age. I didn't talk to them much. I'm just getting what I dished out years ago. ... One thing I did not mention which was a dark cloud over my head for the last month and a half. My insurance was in danger of loss and I was scared to death. I can not imagine my life without my meds. I was ready to pack up my backpacking gear and run off to live off the land like a modern Grizzly Adams. No suicide but I would not want to live around others. As it turns out, my medical needs are secured, and consequently the sun is shining on me and therefore I haven't gotten upset about my children or other issues. On a plus side, I haven't gotten depressed overall. Thank you,

Ted