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Mental Health Support
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Living alone

About 7 month ago my boyfriend moved out (to his parents), we still are together but the flat I live in always has problems, everything is always breaking down and that's why he moved out.

Since then my mental health has got a lot worse because I don't know how to handle being alone and I have fears living alone. I don't know what to do. I feel so isolated and I don't want to do anything. My hygiene has became awful, I don't want to go out to see anyone, I can't seem to clean up my home anymore so it's always a constant mess.

I have no one there anymore to give me that boost.

Any ideas what to do? Because I'm clueless.

19 Replies
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Hi whitelightningO and thank you for your post. I am sorry to hear things are so difficult for you. Have you spoken to your GP about the way you are feeling as he/she will be able to help and support you? Are you being seen by your local Mental Health team, as they can also help you? If you live in the UK, MIND Charity may be able to provide some support---

mind.org.uk

mind information line 0300 123 3393

For example, MIND has an advocacy service, so advocates could speak on your behalf. They may may be able to speak to someone who could organise repairs to your property. Have a look on the A--Z of Mental Health on MIND website and there are many sections on there that address the difficulties you are experiencing. There is a helpful section on loneliness/isolation, also. Take small steps and you will get there. It would be a good idea to begin by making an appointment to see your GP. Also, have a look at the pinned post section on the forum. Are any members able to help whitelightningO, please?Do let us know how you are getting on. Thank you and best wishes.

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Wouldn't it have been easier to move to another flat? x

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He doesn't feel comfortable moving out atm and wants to maybe later on so I'm not sure what to do until then x

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Well you can still move. x

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It's really difficult to move but I did decide to move and applied for some places because I think it could just be how bad this flat really is and the neighbors.

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Talk to your GP if stressed

The problem with life and getting older is life can not be as much fun when it comes down to jobs in the house. Jobs are a pain and part of life.

As mentioned above MIND may be able to arrange someone to help, although please understand we all get fed up and financially stressed when we need to get jobs done.

When we moved into our home we were having a great deal of renovations done and the workmen were always finding other works off contract to put right. It drove us mad as we were having problems paying for these repairs. It was problematic because it was putting further charges on the mortgage and we needed Bridging Loans. Eventually we purchased a book on DIY and learned very quickly to contribute to repairs.

I do feel for you, although I do not know what to suggest other than get the Boyfriend down and give His arm a good twist

BOB

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I did speak to my GP and recommended moving which I agreed to do due to things breaking. I know how to repair stuff but there's things that you really need a professional to fix and when it's so often you get fed up. My neighbors also made my mental health worse.

So I decided maybe it's best just to start fresh

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We have a general DIY workman who does little jobs from doing a hedge or putting up curtain rails. He also does other little jobs on an hourly basis.

If we get stuck we give Him a call and He looks after us. We try and give out several jobs that can be done together

Heating, electricity and gas etc some people take out contracts that do service repairs once a year. I am cack handed now because I am getting older and find it hard to use my Hands because of my PsA. If you are getting on Social Services have workmen in some areas that can do small jobs.

Over the years people manage to make up lists of workmen, you begin to know them and they can come out when needed. We used Contractors when we moved here, they know us and they can also be called. Some jobs to do with Gas, Electricity, sometimes water systems may need Engineers or plumbers although replacing washers etc can be done by the owner.

If you rent your Home, do you not approach the owner of the property on certain types of work to be done

BOB

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I do and I get given numbers to call and it's gas and electric companies. Sometimes it's people he just brings over but when I call. It's not "urgent" so I can survive without heating and electricity apparently.

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It is not easy being alone or lonely. Since losing my Mother 2 years ago, who I loved very much and cared for for 8 years I have been alone. I had to leave the family home as it had to be sold. I was homeless and now I am in a tiny fiat. I have nobody except a sister. I am alone. I think perhaps yiu should get the flat sorted, renovate and decorate and maybe, just maybe your boyfriend will move back in. It won't be easy but care for yourself more.

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I'm so sorry to hear about that, that couldn't be easy! I have a small flat currently but I just never knew how much stress it was going to give me. I did decide to move out somewhere else because the flat and neighbors are horrible.

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Many jobs in the house are very basic and personally I feel your Boyfriend should help especially if He intends to move back in when everything is all hunky dory.

Part of looking after property is doing it together, He sounds childish.

BOB

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Part of a relationship is sticking together through rough and smooth too

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I did decide to move out because the basic things I know how to repair but there are some things you really need a professional for. Sometimes they never come out when you ask for help so you're stuck with nothing for a long time. I'm currently suffering with a flat that has so many problems that I never got told and neighbors who are nasty towards me for no reason and best music all day and night.

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What about the Landlord, although i leaving you can start with a clean slate

BOB

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Have you thought about finding a new boyfriend who might possibly be of benefit and help fix the broken things ?

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There are things an untrained person can't do esp when it involves inside a boiler with their pipes and inside electricity boxes.

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Heating needs an Engineer, although if you pay rent does your Landlord not look after your services and include these services in your rent. Heating in the UK needs services every year. Electrics can be the same. Here the landlord is responsible for the building and included services.

BOB

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I understand that, maybe 2 incomes would be quicker to pay for an engineer ? If I'm honest I think your boyfriend is quite selfish and I'm sure you deserve someone who is with you through thick and thin, not just when there aren't any broken things to fix. Not just for the fact you have to try and get them fixed alone, your suffering emotionally because your feeling alone, too.

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