I alone as always and I feel like I just want to die tonight

[FallenAngel]

I am alone and have been in tears for hours .. I just don't know what to do anymore , I am so lost and sick of life

[Suzie40]

You're not alone here. Would you like to talk? X

[FallenAngel]

I am alone Lucy that's the point ... talking has never really helped me much xx

[MsSad]

Hey Angel, I'm not much of a talker either but maybe give it a go tonight? what have you got to lose?

I'm also alone and know what it's like x

[FallenAngel]

I have many posts on this site, some going back over 11 months , mothers day tomorrow and my Mum isn't here ,, I miss her so much and I am so lonely , I don't want to live anymore .. Gps have limited resources and can only do so much ,,, I have just had enough ..x

[MsSad]

I'm sorry about your mum, this weekend must be tough (tougher than others) x

How do you feel when you post on here? Maybe you could use us to get you through?

You mentioned limited resources from your GP, have they withdrawn any kind of support for you? Are you on meds?

apologies if you have posted this info before, i'll try and catch up with your posts but wanted to reply straight away so you don't feel like i was ignoring you x

[Golfer15]

Hi Angel, hang in there. Dont give in to this illness. You are so important.

Tomorrow will be difficult. Would your Mum want you to be sad.

We are all thinking about you.

David

[Suzie40]

You're only as alone as you let yourself be. There's a certain amount the GP and external agencies can do, but ultimately we are responsible for our own happiness. I can imagine how hard tomorrow will be for you, but it is just one day. When she was alive, it wasn't just Mother's Day that you enjoyed, it was every day. When did you see your GP last? Are you having counselling or any sort of therapy? X

[FallenAngel in reply to Suzie40]

I am waiting for an app for tests to see if I have a pituitary tumour .. I stopped talking my mirtazapine 3 days ago .. my gp says she will not do anything else until I have my blood tests done .. I have been on every pill out there , CBT on line was advised ... x

[Suzie40]

I wouldn't imagine CBT online being as effective as 1:1, do you find it useful? X

[FallenAngel in reply to Suzie40]

No it was a waste of time x

[Hidden]

Hello

What is wrong, always around for a chat, can you not give your MAM a call. ??

You say that you may have a Pituitary Tumour, did the GP or hospital tell you not to take your medications ??

What is stopping you having your blood tests, I am always having them , they are all vampires they

need to get their supply somehow. Why not just please them We all at sometime react and put our feet down. we all know they are all trying to help us.

Look after your self, we are all here for you

BOB.

[FallenAngel in reply to Hidden]

My mum is dead ..

[MsSad]

did you come off meds so you can have the bloods done?

sounds like a very stressful time for you, you've got a lot going on. How long have you been waiting for the appointment?

[FallenAngel in reply to MsSad]

no I ran out so don't have any

[MsSad in reply to FallenAngel]

hey, i'm by no means an expert but i've heard that you shouldn't just cut off the meds. Would you be able to get them first thing on Monday? Maybe not having them in your system suddenly, could also be contributing to your feeelings?

I know you are alone but is there anyone at all that you could call? a friend, any family or maybe a helpline? Just to get you through....

[Stilltrying_ in reply to FallenAngel]

HelloFallenAngel I have read your posts over the months and I know that like myself at times weekends tend to be a low point for you and tomorrow in particular will be tough. As someone put in a post to me recently when you are dead you are just that; dead, there is no chance of the pain going and your life improving as you won't be here to live it; you'll just be dead.

Ultimately we are responsible like Lucy says for our own happiness; the lonliness you feel can be relieved but it will take you to make those efforts to reach out and find activities you find fulfilling. You say you are hopeless on your own but you have to adapt to this to make your life more bearable. Have you thought of getting a pet as they are a good companion and will love you unconditionally. It would give you someone to look after which is maybe what you are missing and you would not be alone.

What are the sorts of feelings you get over the weekends? Is it a terror of being on your own for example? If so do you have a church service you could go to tomorrow ; is there anything you enjoy? I enjoy singing and so am searching out a group. Maybe try and book a lot of stuff in for the weekends when you seem to be at your lowest.

thinking of you and keep writing whenever you need. xx

[ThemysciraDrive]

Hey Angel. {{{{hugs}}}} Sorry you feel so low tonight.

Are you sick of life, or sick of being depressed? They're not the same thing. I know it feels like they are at the moment. I've been there myself, through nights when I didn't know how I would make it to the morning. But you can and will come out the other side.

I'm with you in spirit.

[FallenAngel]

Depression has stolen so much from me , too many years my appearance , realationships and my sanity .. I just want peace and to feel ok . x

[ThemysciraDrive in reply to FallenAngel]

Relate to you completely. I guess in my case I feel like if I quit being bloody-minded and gave in then I'd just be letting it steal my life as well.

[MsSad]

I hear you! I wish for the same.

thinking of you angel x

[Hidden]

Hi FallenAngel, I had to respond to your post.

I can relate to your feelings of being alone. It is horrible to feel low and be alone.

You have people on here who understand and won't judge you.

I'm sorry to read your mum has past, but I don't think she would want you to die. I don't want you to.

Tomorrow is a difficult day for some, as not everyone has their mum or is a mum.

I really hope you can talk to someone or even the Samaritans who will listen.

Please take care.

Viktor

[MsSad]

hey, you haven't posted in a while Angel, i hope you're ok?

Hopefully you're getting some much needed sleep.

take care x

[Hidden]

Oh I am so sorry not to have seen your post last night or I would have responded, I hope you are feeling a bit better now. Do keep posting as we all support one another through the bad times.

Suex

[MsSad]

hi angel, am thinking of you, hope you are ok x

[FallenAngel in reply to MsSad]

thank you xx

[Gambit62]

My father died just over 13 years ago. It hit me a lot harder than I could have anticipated. For a very long time I didn't feel that I wanted to go on living if he wasn't there - and sometimes I still feel that way - usually around the equinoxes when the light seems to kick something off inside me. I certainly felt that way last weekend. I live on my own but have friends who try to be supportive but at times that doesn't seem to make any difference.

No answers. No magic wand. Mindfulness meditation has helped me to get to a place where I can live from moment to moment floating above the chasm of despair but I know that the chasm is still there.

[FallenAngel in reply to Gambit62]

thank you x

[bepete in reply to FallenAngel]

im with everyone else on this site ! we can all help each other.

[Photogeek in reply to bepete]

Hi Angel like you I live alone and bother my parents

Are dead. Depression is hard but we have to make

A commitment to manage our own Depression. We need to try everything, Nothing can bring your Mother

Back and life has to go on

Everyone on this Forum is suffering from the same

Thing Depression but we all have to find our own

Individual ways out of Depression. We have to meet

It half way

We have a choice every day to feel ok or terrible. So

Dont give up.

Hannah

[Hidden]

Angel i do feel same.even nothing is helping me.talking sharing thoughts nothing is helping.i can understand how you will be feeling.

[Livinginthepast]

Well you certainly are not alone Ive not read the other 30 replies yet but I for one know just how you feel & am in such a I have really had enough, so keep on living sharing your feelings & get through a day at a time like Im trying to do............going to check those other replies & see if theres anything that might help me as well

Good luck

Dave

[Stilltrying_]

Hello Dave, I have followed your other post previously and sorry you are feeling so low. I hope you can find something to help you in these difficult times. Gemma

[FallenAngel]

thanks all for taking the time to reply , it means a lot xx

[MsSad]

Hugs x

[jules2105]

Hi fallenangel

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time, keep posting on here and we'll help as much as we can

Jules x

[duncan1971]

Hi I'm sorry you don't feel good mentally it can be tough to cope with life if you can't talk to anyone just try and stay calm and do what you feel comfortable with like everyday tasks even its making a cup of tea hope you feel better soon

[Hidden]

FallenAngel, may I ask how are you feeling?

[NekoLoveless]

I live in constant depression, I am bipolar, but also intelligent and modest, and everything makes me depressed. News, past memories, the way people around me are treated, tv and media, basically the lack of humanity. I have lost all my friends because of my depression and almost my family because of a few impulsive decisions. I am always sad and always alone, I can't force myself to smile out seem interested in half the things people say and it almost always comes off as sarcasm if I try. I feel alone as well. I download different video games where I can play with other people and have a beneficial effect on them, itb makes me happy but this usually only lasts a few days before i delete it and find another game. I always feel lost and confused, like I'm a deep sea jelly fish. I haven't had anyone too close to me pass away, and I'm grateful for it. I know my mothers main worry in life is that I'll be happy and healthy and safe and secure, same as every mom. It may be hard with depression to even aspire to any of those things, but you have to try. I have hope that I'll find that thing that will make me happier for longer then a few seconds out even days. Try taking up a hobby, something creative and also that will keep your focus. Drawing doesn't work for me because I'm too much of a perfectionist. also make a purpose for it, if you give something purpose, especially one for someone else, it wool make you feel great. make home made cards. or make bracelets and give them out to people. take up photography. act silly every now and then, I'll make over dramatic faces in the mirror or bust out some weird dance when noones

[NekoLoveless in reply to NekoLoveless]

looking. humility and spontaneity are great cures.iI haven't found anything that works for a long time, in fact I have to find something constantly dozens of times a day to keep my sanity. Also try to watch your thoughts like a parent would watch their child outside, be on hairs for bad thoughts and counter them, subconscious thought Is always mean. sometimes we get on the habit of feeding ourselves negativity. and finally the quickest and hardest way, is to sit no distractions and ask yourself, wht is bothering me? and follow your answer to the to the to the root. sometimes none of theses things help because there isn't any realreason, I'm just hopelessly depressed. but in that moment iI also find the greatest beauty in being alive. i think about how wide of a spectrum it is, to feel. the contrast between things. to feel this depressed and so much like I could die at will, and then to feel happy that I haven't a care in the world. it really humbles me and helps ease the depressive feelings for me. sorry if this doesn't help out seems jumbled. I'm on a phone and also have a problem keeping my mind on track

[Stilltrying_]

Just wanted to say NekoLoveless how well you expressed yourself. So so agree with you about the lack of humanity in our world; it is a wonder any of us is even remotely sane. I have mixed feelings as the state of being you are talking about is so tragic and yet you are obviously so beautifully sensitive. I just wish "normal" people were as nice as people with mental health problems. I never meet anyone this sensitive in my everyday life apart from one friend who is also bi-polar; the most beautiful, generous and sensitive soul I know and yet she suffers so much; it seems so unfair. I am not bi-polar myself but have immense admiration for people who live with this illness and I am sure your suggestions will have helped many. Take care, you are an inspiration and humbling to someone like myself with different causes of my problems . Xx