Feeling a bit more positive today. Have been doing my job search and THIS TIME I am NOT taking on a job just because I need money to pay bills. THIS TIME I am going to take a job because I know I am going to enjoy it and I also know that it is what I WANT to do rather than what I HAVE to do.
I have also made another New Year's Resolution (albeit I am a bit late with this this I know..LOL!!). This last couple of weeks have been a total nightmare. I have tried really hard since January to try and get myself into employment where I know I will be comfortable and the type of place where when I go to bed at night, I know I will sleep and not toss and turn because I am dreading getting up in the morning, to a place I just dont want to be in...Call Centre work is DEFINITELY not for me...I know that now!!. I think I now have got over the idea of "doing something different" as it has obviously not worked for me (twice!!), so maybe I should just try and get back to doing something I KNOW I am good at... Im NOT a failure because it didnt work out, but I can at last sit back and say "Well Done Me"!! for at least giving it a go!!
I have a couple of good friends who have been with me through thick and thin and one of them has gone on holiday today for 2 weeks and I am missing her like crazy already!!
Its funny how when you do go through really hard times you always find out who your true friends are. My mum has gone through some tough times in her life and even though she is a very hard person, I have always been there for her.
This morning she told me that I need to stop sitting on my bum and feeling sorry for myself and get up and sort out the mess I have created. I cant begin to tell you how hurt I felt and if it wasnt for the fact that she is my mother, I would have told her to go and take a running jump!!
She is bringing up the son of my drug addict brother, (she has had him since he was 12 weeks old) who has never worked a day in his life and gets everything handed to him on plate (including a two bedroomed back and front door home, provided by the Council and she paid to furnish it for him - he is 2 years younger than me by the way!!), and a lovely garden, which I know he will ruin. Meanwhile, my wee flat is falling to bits because my property is my OWN and because I have a mortgage I have to pay for everything myself. (But I'VE to get off MY bum and stop feeling sorry for myself). I think (even though they didnt work for me), managing to bag 3 jobs since January is quite good going? Thats why I KNOW I WILL get something else.
But I also know this - In future, I will be looking after Number 1 from hereon in!! ME!
Havent been on here for a rant in a long while, so just wanted to check in!!
Hope you are all OK!!
Theresa... XXXX
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En1234
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Well done En1234!! You always manage to work it out for yourself as you are a very clever and really NORMAL lady!!! I keep telling you that!
Footie is on still I think but I'm not watching it.
I can't get off the negative sort of vibe i am on at the moment. In some ways i'm still trying. In other ways I'm getting comfort from websites where people talk about the other way out if you know what I mean? Unfortunately I can relate to conversations which I would have hoped I could never relate to. It is a very sad and bad circle to be in but also I'm still trying the other way. Sorry for the coded sort of message. I'm trying not to distress people on here.
Anyway main point. Well done you!! And sorry I've not been very responsive lately. I need to withdraw from most "normal" things. I am simply not functioning at the right level for most people. I can't manage to go to the gym. I can just about manage to eat but nothing special. I manage one or two appointments with mental health professionals but I don't want to mix with people who are "up" and functioning because I feel too different and alienated from all of that.
So you probably won't get many replies tonight cos of the weather, footie etc. Nevertheless your post is noted and valued and you're a lovely and decent lady. You deserve all good things in life .
Listen, you are not putting a dampner on anything...We all have different ways of dealing with things. I have spoken to you on here and privately and totally understand your situation. I keep saying, its just a pity we dont live closer. I could take you for a nice frothy coffee (or hot chocolate) and you could help me to find a job!!...
You just hang in there!!... (As long as I see you are still posting, I know you are still here and that is GREAT!!).
Oh Theresa, I had no idea things had turned out like this for you. I'm really sorry I haven't been around to support you in the last couple of weeks. I really should have asked you how things were going.
I hadn't realised this was a call centre job, I thought it was admin. I'm not surprised you've been struggling. I was an HR Officer in a call centre and I wouldn't have worked on calls for a million pounds. Good luck with looking for a nicer, less demanding job that you will enjoy and not need special training for. Given your previous roles you will have some invaluable experience and I hope you will find something within your comfort zone.
I always appreciate your support buy hey Mrs you have your life as well and sometimes I feel like I yoyo on here..LOL.. Its like "Hey, Ive got a job" "Oh no!! Ive not got a job" and then "Hey, Ive got another job" "Oh no, Im unemployed again"!!... I know folk will be getting sick of me and saying "What is she all about..?"...
My life has just always been my work and ive always worked from the age of 16 to just January there, not having a job and then (I still cant believe I am saying this), having 3, all one after the other in the space of 6 months and for them ALL to have not worked out - I feel a bit silly and a bit guilty if Im honest!!
But Call Centre work is just not what I am cut out for. I would have been dealing with ex-pat's health insurance enquiries from places as close as Madrid and as far as Dubai. There was a lot of complicated PC systems and if you did not go into the correct system you could have paid out a sum of money in US Dollars instead of Euros (or even Chinese Yen)...very complicated and to be perfectly honest, the days dragged by and the job was very boring. I think sometimes if something does not hold your interest, you will NEVER be good at it!! (Thats my excuse anyway!!). But I wasnt that stupid, I waited until I had finished my 4 weeks before I left, at least that way I got a full month's pay in the bank!!
But thank you for your message, you always cheer me up!!..
I hope things are OK with you? Remember Im here too if you ever fancy letting off a bit of steam or just a wee chat!!
I completely understand how you're feeling about your jobs not working out this year - I spent years trying to find a job I enjoyed for more than about 18 months before I got bored and changed, over and over again. Then when I did find my niche I still didn't want to get up every morning and go to work. I think I was just not cut out for employment anywhere, and that was the moment I decided to give it all up. But it was easier for me as there were 2 wages coming in and my hubby was the steady one - thank goodness. But even though you need to work to pay your mortgage, you still need to be comfortable and contented. You've given call centres more than a fair chance - and you've accepted they are not for you. I don't blame you at all - they're not for many people! There wouldn't be so many vacancies if they were!
I still think that temping might be a good way for you to go. All my best jobs came from that, and you get the chance to try them out before committing yourself. And they are usually in jobs you have good experience in, and believe me, companies really appreciate it when they get a good experienced temp and they like to hold onto them. Best of luck and keep your head held high. You have not allowed yourself to just settle for second best and that is fantastic! xxxx
Ahhh!!. Thank you!! There are quite a few things online which I can apply for, albeit I may need to travel out of town but I was used to that anyway. (And apart from that I keep buying the Lotto Tickets!! ).
Hi I didn't realise it was a call centre either! That's the job I hated with a passion. It was quite well paid but so monotonous and repetitive it drove me crazy. There were all these silly targets that only the top 10% had a chance of getting and these were designed to motivate us. They had totally the opposite effect for most of us. I hated that job. x
You know Hyper I am so glad you said that!! I just felt like a total failure having walked out of job number 3 but now I dont really care. I would have been doing myself more damage had I stayed. I know that now but at least I gave it a go. The PC systems were soooo complicated and I just could not grasp which was for what.?? I did meet some people who were really lovely (well the ones I met in the short space of time I was there) but tried to motivate you in all sorts of ways but it didnt wash with me and I just couldnt get excited by doing our classroom "exercises" every morning and afternoon and jogging around the building 3 times and high fiving all the managers when you met them!!...Argh!! Totally embarrassing and a bit too fake for my liking!!... Here's hoping I find 4th time lucky soon!! (Im even mortified typing that..."4" ???....LOL!!)
Flippin eck! All that fake high-fiving sounds hideous! I couldn't have stood that for 1 day let alone the few weeks you were there! You're well out of that.
LOL!!! It was very uncomfortable I have to admit. The Trainer even gave us "pet names" and I played along with it but it was so cringey!! We were given assessments every Friday, like a test, and we were not allowed to speak but when we were finished, we had to give our "best jazz hands" I swear the Trainer was taking the mickey!!... (I mean anyone else would have just said when you are finished just put your hands up or give me your papers, but jazz hands!!...LOL!!)
NO....I dont think you would have enjoyed it either, but it was an experience and I did try and you know what they say about God loving a tryer!!
Oh En I didn't know you had left and I am so sorry. Call centre work isn't for everybody though there were a few who liked it and many others who could put up with it. I did struggle through training and could do the job but just hated it so much. It wasn't the customers (even though a few were difficult or distressed) but management. They were terrible and treated you like s***.
Also being the Civil Service (Government) there was lots of change and retraining as everything kept altering. Too many chiefs and not enough indians!
Thats the second call centre Ive been to Alex and I know now it is defo not for me!! The first place I went for was not very nice and I thought the training was terrible but this place, I gave a chance to because I thought it might be better second time round but the training was just as bad. I dont like classroom training. Im more of a "learn on the job" type of person. I always get the impression that there is a competitiveness in the classroom. There is always the clever/smug one, the one who gets on your nerves, the one who interrupts the class constantly, one that thinks their funny......you get my drift? Well, I was the one who was always saying "No, I dont understand that, can you go over that again for me?" and I felt as though I was annoying people but I always knew at the back of my mind it was never going to work!!
Hey Theresa! I quit a job in March that wasn’t suited for me and I felt like the biggest failure as well. I am currently working for employment as well even though I have one now, it is def not where I would like to stay. I am rooting for you and I know you’re not lazy by any means. Like you said worry about yourself because at the end of the day you are living your life not your moms. I wish you the best of luck in your journey. 🤗
That means so much to me, and I appreciate your support. Sometimes in life we have to distance ourselves from people who are not doing us any good (at that particular moment). I think I have mentioned in a post on here before that for most of my life I always felt I needed "approval" especially from my mother, when I was growing up and this seems to have followed me into my adult life.
She said a few harsh things to me the other day and I will admit some which may have been true but others which definitely were not and that really hurt but I am glad it happened because it HAS made me see things more clearly and I WILL be kinder to myself. Consider your advice taken!! :-).
Hi i keep tjinking am i the only person feeling so low about themselves? I live alone and have family who help but they know im trying to apply 4 loads of jobs in getting nowhere. I had 2 offers in feb this year i haf to take one with more hours but the care company akari care didnt accept my refs which really hard to get now. I have had domestic interviews 4 nhs but nothing and have an interviews tom with them but wondering is it really worth it??? I loose so much money on bus fare the universal credit doesnt last a month like it should. I like living on my own yet life is passing me by im 36 and just wish something good could happen. So i sympathise with how u feel, its easy 4 people to say get off and try harder but its demoralizing jobcentres dont offer much either. Oh well another moan there! Keep up ur efforts i might try the same.
Ahh!! Katherine I feel for you, I really do. It is very depressing and I remember the days when you could go into the Job Centre and there were jobs advertised on a wall or a board and you could actually get someone to help you with getting employment. Last week was my first time going into the Job Centre and it was only because my friends kept telling me it was what I SHOULD do and that I would at least get some financial help. (They are all employed by the way!).
I dont know if you are the same but I was told I had to show them that I was searching for work for 35 hours of my week. You have a Daily Journal you have to write up every day after every day you have searched and applied. I have spent all morning doing this and really dont know how this is going to be possible to do every day!!
I actually am now in the Benefit System. The last couple of jobs I got without the help of Universal Credit and the Job Centre but because I am now IN the system I have to abide by this. I actually feel no better than a criminal with a tag on my ankle as the Job Centre have access to my online account and they can see whenever they like when I have been searching and when I have not. I know my friends were only just trying to help me but I wish I had never listened to them!! And apparently, If I am not able to find myself a job then they will just give me anything and I HAVE to take it!!... They were not even able to tell me how much Universal Credit I was entitled to??
Just now I am taking things one day at a time and trying to be really positive because I really DONT want to go under. Its NOT my fault I am in this position but I will be damned if I am going to give in to the circumstances which I have brought me here. I keep thinking "This time next year I will be looking to going on a wee holiday and I will look back on all of this and stick 2 fingers up to it"......You try doing the same!! You are not on your own!!
Theresa... XXXX
If it helps, keep chatting on here!!....It DOES help!!
Theresa, i had replied to one of your previous messages and told you about my experience in a call center. I told you how i didnt understand anything but later picked it up. At that time, my intention was to motivate you. So i did not tell you that even though i picked up things and did the job well, i actually hated it with every fiber of my being lol 😂. Call center jobs are definitely not for people who are introverts or anxious or shy or don’t like to call attention to themselves. I took on the job because i was really young, had student loans and the job market was really bad. But i left as soon as i could (8 months) and now looking back on it, i feel like i should have never taken up the job. I was miserable there. But hindsight is always 20/20.
You did absolutely the right thing. Life is too short to waste on a job that makes you miserable. People in call centers are generally not happy (in my experience), which is why they do all these ridiculous, cringe-worthy “team building and motivational” stuff. Not that it works. I hated all that, and from the sound of it, its only gotten worse.
You will find a good job that will make you happy. Trust me on that. I did, and so did every single person who quit that call center before or after me (including a 69 year old email support guy in our team).
And don’t worry about what your mum said. Sometimes the people closest to us are the ones who hurt us the most. If there is anything of value in what she said, take it and discard the rest. Sounds like she has a lot of her own hangups. You do you and what’s best for you. You cannot be responsible for her happiness. All the best.
So lovely to hear from you and thank you so much for your support. This is the longest I have gone without hearing from or speaking to my mum and my heart feels really heavy today although for once I am not going to be the one who picks up the phone. She did say some horrible things to me on the phone last week but the hurtful thing was she said or should I say "barked" out a few things at me, didnt allow me to speak and then just hung up so you can imagine the frustration I felt but I am not calling her.
On the plus side, I received a telephone call yesterday asking me to attend an interview for a Company in Glasgow City Centre and this job is office based. I have to attend on Monday at 2.30pm. If I got the job, it would mean travelling again but what is 30 on a train every morning if it gets me back to being me again. I didnt realise until yesterday just how much weight I have lost as well. My friends were telling me I need to eat more but to be honest Poorni when I am worried and anxious I cannot bring myself to eat. I have an appointment with my GP on Friday and even if I did get offered a new job I am still going to go and speak to her. My confidence is so low at the moment and I miss the "old me"!!..I try and act positive etc but to be honest, I hardly recognise the person I am today!
If anything I will take this position if offered if only to get out of the Universal Credit System. I could not believe it when yesterday I was out with friends, I kept getting txt messages from them asking me to "Please log in to my Journal to read a message". Asking me questions etc. I feel since I went to the Job Centre my life is no longer my own. You are asked to be checking for jobs using 35 hours of your week and they can log-in to your account to see when, where and at what time you were doing a job search - it is terrible. It really IS like big brother is watching you. Cant wait to get away from it and the sooner the better. They have not paid me any money as yet but hopefully if I get this position then I will not need their money.
I will keep you posted and let you know how I get on and I hope you are OK today as well. Thank you again for your kind words, they mean a lot!!
Oh Theresa, my heart goes out to you. It all sounds so tough, and your mother should be supporting you at this time, not creating more stress for you whatever her feelings may be. But we cannot control other people's behaviour, only our own reactions. You are right in not calling her. It sounds like it is only going to make you more stressed, she doesn't seem the type to sit down and listen to your point of view. So don't make yourself more miserable by calling her. Maybe after you get a job and things are more settled, you can think about it. But for now, let her be.
Please focus on yourself, and do eat well. You need to be well prepared physically and mentally for the interview. I am sure you will do very well, prepare as much as you can and do your best. An office-based job does sound nice, and 30 mins is not too bad. You can always read or listen to audiobooks or music on the train.
I am not in the UK, so I have no idea about the universal credit system but it does sound like a nightmare. Anyway, hopefully you will get the job on monday and will be out of their system soon. All the very best, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you. Take care.
Thank you again for your lovely message of support. I could hardly sleep last night and felt all I did was toss and turn. I got up at 9.30am and my interview is not until 2.30pm. My clothes etc were all ready and my paperwork etc is all organised. Its just as well I know how to apply make-up because at least that way they will not be able to see how tired I REALLY look. The last couple of job interviews I went for I felt really good about and kept telling myself it was "another life experience" and "a wee adventure". But I have done this a couple of times now and to be doing it again, and so soon, is quite taxing.
I will go and give it my best and see how it goes.
Im sorry for bleating on. I think Im just feeling a bit sorry for myself this morning. I know my mother will be getting all excited about going on her Spanish holiday at the end of the week (and I have still not heard from her) and my 2 best friends are away too. My best pal is in Hungary at the moment and she has just sent me some photos of her and her daughter. It looks gorgeous and they are by the beach and both look so happy. My other friend sent me some photos last night from Majorca and she was by the pool sipping her cocktail. Im not jealous, but do wish it was me there instead of sitting here in this position.
Looking at their photos this morning, I really had to try hard not to cry because I knew if I did I would have to re-do my mascara otherwise I would have just gone to pieces.
Maybe this time next year things will be a bit better....
I will keep you posted and send a message later tonight and let you know how I got on. (Sorry again for the wallowing, Im usually a bit stronger than this on here but its just how I feel today).
Thank you for thinking about me. That was lovely (and I did remember you were holding my hand during my interview by the way!!)..
My interview was at 2.30pm and I went in feeling really quite despondent but being the great actress I am, I came across as being bubbly and very enthusiastic and "you know your company REALLY needs someone like me!!"..the interview went on for about an hour and at the end I was asked if I had any questions. I asked the usual questions and was told that if I was successful then I would receive a phone call either by end of business today (the call did not come - but I suppose an hour and a half to make up their mind was not a lot of time - or is that me making excuses..LOL!! ??), or by end of business tomorrow (so I still have tomorrow). If I have not been successful then I will receive a letter in the post. So by all accounts if I have not had a phone call by 5pm tomorrow then I have not got the job. There was one position and 3 applicants. I was very happy with the way I conducted myself so even if I dont get it, it was not for the lack of trying and hey, at least I have had an interview, after only 2 weeks of being out of work. All in all, when I think about it, in the last 6 months I have had 4 interviews and 3 jobs....thats really not bad going!!..XXX..
I really got a feel for this place though and felt really comfortable. The last 3 jobs I took on I never felt that way in any of them!! So typically, this will be the job I will probably NOT be offered!! Stands to reason as this is the kind of luck I have!!
I will send you a wee message as soon as I hear anything (if I do receive a call) and let you know how I got on.. Did she or didnt she?? Cant wait myself!! Every time the phone goes tomorrow I am going to pounce!!!
Thank you again for your support and for thinking about me...means a lot and I will keep you posted Lorraine!!
Aww thanks for the update. I hope you get the result you want tomorrow, but if not, hopefully it will at least have boosted your confidence a bit.
As for me, I'm okay thanks. I've felt a bit flat over the last couple of weeks but it's probably just my usual mood cycle. It hasn't helped that I've had chronic toothache for a few weeks. I'm seeing the dentist on Thursday, and that's always difficult for me with my stupid dentist phobia. My old dental practice reorganised at the end of last year and as a result I was moved to another one, and my first appointment in Jan didn't go very well - the new dentist told me I needed 3 extractions and I freaked out - it scared me to death. I refused them, and I've been worried about it ever since and suffering toothache, which is no doubt my own fault! This week's appointment is my 6 month check and I've been dreading it, so I phoned last week and spoke to the practice manager, who is also the head dentist. He was lovely and offered to see me this week, so hopefully I'll get on better with him. I'll be glad when Thursday evening comes around. xxx
Do you know it is not that uncommon to have a fear of the dentist. My mum never took me to the dentist until I was 12 and having never been before the fear was overwhelming. The only way she got me into the dentist's chair was to promise me that she would get my ears pierced the following day!!...
That said, when my son was 2, he had regular dental check ups. I did not want him to grow up with the fear of the dentist that I had. I used to tell him that it was only "special boys" who got their teeth looked after. I also told him that the dentist's was where the Tooth Fairies lived!!......Fortunately for me, he believed me!!
I remember a time when my son was about 8 (he is now 19), we were in the dentist's waiting room where my son was waiting for his check up and this wee boy came in and he was totally hysterical. He was to get an extraction and because my son was about the same age as this wee boy the dentist asked me if it was OK for my son to go in with this wee boy to hold his hand and reassure him. I was so proud of him that day. He told this wee boy that if he let the dentist take out his "bad" tooth then he could "pick a sticker" at the reception desk. He actually held this wee boy's hand while his tooth was being taken out!
My son actually LIKES going to the dentist!!...
Try and remember this wee story about my son (at 8 years old). If he can do it then so can you..(I know that is easier said than done but you have been so nice to me on here and I am trying to make it "nicer" for you!! )..
Theresa I just wanted to update you on the dreaded dentist visit! I went on Thursday to see the head dentist in the practice - and boy what a difference to the other one I saw! He was kind, understanding and an absolute expert. He offered me several options for all the teeth the other one said had to come out, and ended up doing major work on 3 of them - and agreed there was no need for any extractions, not for a while anyway!
I felt (for me anyway!) relaxed and relieved - not least to get rid of the chronic toothache I've had for months. I'm going back for a review next week, and in 8 weeks for some more work - and for the first time in my life I feel ready to face it without (much) fear.
Thank you so much for your encouragement, and by the way, I hope you're feeling better about your own situation today.
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Can't seem to want to get better
Help needed with mum who is unstable. I just don't know what to do! 
