I wanted to come on here and let everyone of my Health Unlocked Friends know how well I was doing in my new job.. I really WANTED to do this but I feel as though I am letting you all down by not being able to. I feel really ashamed and embarrassed as I have had so much support from everyone on here and I just feel like one big failure.
This is my second week now into my training (training that is going to last 6 weeks apparently - three weeks of training and 3 weeks of dealing with mock cases). I feel as though we have had so much information thrown at us and I am really struggling with all the data we have to take in and learn. I am in a party of 8 and have already made a point of saying on here that at 52 now I am the oldest in the class. The youngest is 18 and the rest are all in their twenties, the oldest being 24. I am not keeping up with the rest of them and I am not understanding things where everyone else seems to be grasping it. I feel really embarrassed when I answer questions and they are wrong and mostly everyone else is getting them right.
I got really upset yesterday and left the class. The others thought I was going to get a drink or to the toilet but the trainer actually followed me out of the class because she could tell that I was anxious and upset. I had already spoken with her last week and told her I was struggling and was told that it is still very early days and that eventually "it will all come together and will all fall into place" but I am wondering if I am kidding myself here and is it just not the case that my 52 year old brain is just too tired to take the information and store it. I just dont seem to be able to remember things!! When I am being told and taking notes on things I seem to remember it for that time but a couple of hours later its gone!! The office is paperless and for security and confidential reasons we are not allowed to take any of our handwritten notes home so I cant even study at home at night.
Even typing this my heart is at my boots and I couldn't wait to get home to type this. I can't speak to my friend or any of my family about this because I know how disappointed they will be in me. I spent such a long time waiting for this job but I couldnt even sleep last night for worrying about going in today. I feel really embarrassed because I know the rest of them know that I am struggling. On breaks I have tried to tell them that I am struggling a bit (I am not hiding the fact) in the hope that someone might even attempt to help me but nothing. There is one boy who stands at the bus stop every night and I have tried having a conversation with him but its quite obvious he doesnt want to speak to me (then again why would he want to speak to someone who is older than his mother - I know this because I overheard him telling the team that it was his mum's 45th birthday last week), its so awkward. I feel so out of place and have tried to join in but dont want to make myself look pathetic by trying to butt in where I am not wanted.
The others all have access to computers where myself and the other girl who started with me dont. We have been there nearly 2 weeks now and dont have any Log-In details so we cant even practice anything and this doesnt help either. The trainers appreciate this but when you are not getting the chance to actually DO anything and are just sitting LISTENING to how it is done, its not the same. I can only compare it to the feeling you get when someone is playing a game and they wont let you joint in - eventually you get bored and fed up. I feel my confidence leaving me bit by bit every day that I have to go in.
There is a big difference between the person who started last week and the person sitting here tonight. Last week I was so full of life and expectation and tonight I feel like a fool. Already I am withdrawing and feeling I cant answer any of the questions put to us for fear of answering incorrectly.
The trainer said today "You are all doing really great, you are flying through this!"...I dont think I am doing really great and I know I am not flying through this.....
I dont think I have got the energy to look for another job... Is it something about people who have suffered depression and anxiety? are we more prone to being less confident and over sensitive?? or am I just using this as an excuse??
I think I got about 3 hours sleep last night so I am actually really tired typing this but I really do think if someone gave me the option to either wake up this morning or not wake up I think I know which one I would have chosen....
I know this is a lot and thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it...
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En1234
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Hello my Dear, I have been following your posts for awhile now and I've been thinking that this would happen. You have been setting yourself up for failure since you got this job. Every post contains something that you don't like ,or don't feel comfortable with., you're too old, too slow, don't fit in. There is more but you get the idea. You must stop focusing on all these things that don't matter and are not an issue. You are not retaining what you need to know because you are not focusing on it. It is alright to be uncomfortable, this is only a short period you must go through to get to where you want to be. Please give yourself a chance, and don't be embarrassed . We have all been through this kind of thing and lived to tell. I encourage you to continue but if you don't I won't think any less of you. Let me know what you decide to do. Whatever it is you will be fine. Pam
Hello En1234, You do sound like you are having a really tough time of it at the moment. I'm really not sure what to advise regarding your work situation. I can appreciate how difficult it has been for you, leaving your previous job under a cloud, and having been in it for so long, moving to a totally new environment and type of work will be a challenge. Nothing is set in concrete though! Try and have a serious chat with one of the managers/ trainers and explain how hard it is for you.
You are aware that under The Equality Act 2010: gov.uk/guidance/equality-ac... - reasonable adjustments should be made for people with mental health difficulties, not just for those with physical disabilities/long term conditions. This applies to the interview, recruitment, training and work situation. Not being able to take notes home to revise is ridiculous, and your anxiety will be affecting your ability to remember information. I would ask for an occupational health review and request that you need more help and support, that you would benefit from being able to take digital voice recorded notes as well to help you learn. You are not too old to learn, but learning as we get older (I'm 60 and have recently completed a 6 year Open University degree part-time and I have disabilities), is more challenging, but it is doable, it is achievable with the right kind of support! Go and show those young kids that your are more than able, and you bring a wealth of life experience and transferrable skills that they don't yet have! Go get 'em girl you can do this!!
Hello my friend you have let no one down youve been trying so hard at taking in the information at the classes ! Some people pick things up quickly whilst others struggle its nothing to be ashamed of its just that we all pick things up differentally ! Im proud of what youve achieved so far please give yourself a chance as it sounds like trainer had faith in you because its in her interest for you to do well so take in what she is telling you and try and give yourself a chance and we will see the person who started the course come back and excel please take care and know we are all behind you and your in our prayers god bless you xx
Hi, I agree with Celtic. You haven't let anyone down. I think some young people nowadays can be a bit insensitive and cut off and probably don't realise how they are excluding you (but I think they are). So you're a little older, well that means wiser too. You have a lot of wisdom as an older lady which they won't have had the opportunity to build up. (such as learning not to exclude people from their world)
I feel you can do it if you persist and don't expect miracles of yourself. You are just worried about how you come across but i am pretty sure you are doing fine and as Masnurse says ask for any help you need as long as that doesn't make you super self conscious. ( I think i'd rather not let people know i had mh problems ) Do what you need to do and in your own way and no-one will judge you either way but I believe you can do it.
It's amazing what a good night's rest can do so maybe tomorrow will be a better day for you. xXXXXx
Thank you. To be honest I didnt really sleep well last night so will try and get an early night tonight and see what tomorrow brings. Most of the work is computer based and a lot of these guys know things that I dont. They are easily able to do things that I cant and it does make me feel a bit stupid. I think because they are racing ahead of me, I dont want to be the one that makes it look as though I am keeping them back. If there were at least another couple of people saying "hang on, I dont understand this either" it would be better but everyone else seems to be understanding it and this leaves me feeling like, well, whats wrong with me that I cant retain this and they all can??
Maybe in a couple of months from now I will be back on here laughing all this off and wondering what I was worried about and I really hope that is what is going to happen because I really DO want this and I do want it to work.
You see when your growing up with parents who either never gave you any confidence or took any confidence you had away from you, its hard to give yourself that confidence. I think I wrote on here a while ago that no matter what I do, I always seem to need approval for anything I do. This is something I really hate about myself and I wish I didnt feel like it but it is also something that has followed me my whole life.
I will have an early night tonight and see what tomorrow brings!
Ok I get that you didn't care for my opinion but, this is what I know. You will be so disappointed in yourself and it will lower your self-esteem if you don't stick with it. I know this because I have lived it. No one gives you self confidence you have to earn it. I was an abused child and so damaged that I barely spoke. I whispered and it felt like I was shouting. It seems like children always blame themselves and punish themselves for life. You are , just as I was, the only one who can stop it. And I think you will because you are so self aware. Pam
I am so sorry that you felt I didnt care for your opinion....I value your opinion a lot believe me. To be honest, I looked back at some of the posts I have put on here and I can see what you meant. I am glad you feel you know me well enough to say what you think. I honestly didnt realise this was the way I was coming across but you are right and I took a lot from your comment.
Every day I try to take a wee bit of strength from somewhere and just pray that I can get through it. I used to do a wee thing every day where I would count my blessings and be grateful for the things I do have in my life. Somewhere along the line I have maybe just forgotten that my glass is actually half full and not half empty and you have reminded me of this tonight, and for that I thank you!!
Hang in there old boy...it's not all bad, you are a listener,that's the key, less is best,I'm pretty sure I know what you are doing and in time it will all come together, it took me 55 years to learn that,look, listen communication, your already talking to the right people,chill and have faith, you will find your path and when you do you have more than everyone else in the room, life experience, I know the exact feelings you speak of and can assure you that if you relax and do what you are doing it will all come together, have faith,get some rest,pretty soon those youngster's will come running to you, you can't teach experience that includes life experience, good luck my friend,let us know how you get on,fingers crossed
hi.im sure you are doing great in your new role and should give yourself more credit.
I'm 7 months into my job and at times I still feel withdrawn.im like you and find it really hard to accept praise I think people just say it to me to make me happier.after your training you will be like all the others.infact when other new people start they will probably seek you out if they are struggling for support.changing to a whole new career is hard the older we get it becomes easier once we adapt.think of the things that's got you through hard times in life draw from it and blossom.pay day not far away now I hope feet up and forget about your worries.
Hi I was just 2 years younger than you when I started training (8 weeks) for a job in the DWP call centre. I found exactly the same as you and didn't understand hardly anything. This went on until nearly the end of the training then doing an easy call with the trainers help really made me realise how far I had come!
I remember going into my section and was terrified but I did get there. If I did then you can too. I am someone who learns slowly but once I get it then that's it. I have to understand why I am doing something etc. and maybe you are like me?
You have other things you can bring to the job which the youngsters can't - your past experiences and knowledge and this will help. I was continually praised about my rapport with customers, and my previous copy typing skills really came into their own I would be chatting with colleagues and typing at the same time and they were amazed....
I think the same will happen with you. The number of times I nearly left during training, well I would have but needed the money so I had to stay. Decent, well paid jobs are very scarce where I live. Don't give in please. x
Hi EN - yes...I would agree that people suffering with anxiety n depression are more prone to sensitivity and lower self esteem, to the point of knowing something as exciting as a new job will ultimately be judged on how you fit in, who's with you, are you to old, do you look stupid, are they laughing at me...shit what did the trainer just say about the job then???
I wholeheartedly get it, been there, done that and through sheer grit and determination I got through it and survived... 2 years on I'm not only a success in the job but mentally and physically I'm also 100% improved. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone EN, and certainly not seek validation from your younger peers. Do you really think none of them may be struggling as well? It's not about looking at the others and trying to comfort your anxieties- it's about you and you only and knowing you've done the best you can on that day will ease those threats and nagging doubts. Forget age and concerns of embarrassment, talk to your friend/family about it, but don't go seeking the answers, as I feel you already know them. You are doing a brilliant job so far and proud to see your determination in fighting through this - there's no doubt in my mind, you will get through this and succeed.
You have many replies here and I don’t want to overwhelm you but I thought I might be able to offer something to help you.
So, what’s true here?
That you’re scared of failing? Not being good enough? Looking silly? Being too old? This is all a given. What if, and bear with me here, what if your fear wasn’t something that wanted to harm you or hurt you or keep you down but a call to action? What if the very thing you’re afraid of is a signal that you’re doing the right thing and therefore facing it and dealing with it means your in exactly the place you need to be?
Forget about comparing yourself to those around you...they are 18-24 and you’re 52, there is no comparison, they have hardly lived a life, they don’t know what life is about yet so you should feel for them, they are yet to go through the trials and tribulations of having lived, loved and experienced sadness and all the suffering that life can bring, as well as all the happiness and joy...but what they do have is something you need right now and that is computer skills...so what would happen do you think if you insisted that you got the proper amount of computer time that you feel you need? And what would happen if you asked one of these young people to help you when you need it. I’m sure they would not refuse.
If you think about it you are in the perfect position to get all the info and skills you need to do the job you’re going into and all you have to do is reach out and face the fear, ask, get what you deserve...
...imagine yourself in the job you’re training for, 2 weeks in, having completed the training and now have your desk or place or whatever, how do you wish to see yourself, become that, move towards that version of you.
If you were in a room full of people like you then you might feel better about yourself but you wouldn’t learn much because there would be nothing to learn, right now you’re exactly in the place you need to be to get the learning you need to be able to do the job and grow as an individual and to move forward rather than stay still.
I have no doubt you will come through this stronger and more able, bigger and less fearful.
Thanks to you all for all your comments. Feeling insecure and not very confident has become a way of life and I am trying really hard to change this. I suppose in one way, if I didn't really care then I would just say "Ah, well, this isn't for me" and just walk away, and wouldn't really care about other people's opinions, but your opinions matter to me, hence all the posts, because there are so many people on here who have become my friends and I DO value your opinions.
In my own heart I think I know already what most of you have said, its finding the courage to just get on with it. I don't want to leave. This job is perfect for me. I will go in today and see what the day brings. Maybe I should start asking for help from some of my younger colleagues, who knows, it might make them feel good that they are able to show me what to do.
Many things you’ve shared about, such as the need for validation, are exactly the feelings I wrestle with. When you wrote that you & one other participant didn’t have computers, while the rest of the group did, I felt physical pain! I hate that feeling of being left behind, and needing to “do” rather than just hearing about doing in order to learn. I sincerely hope that situation has been rectified. I wanted to share how valuable a digital recorder was for me when I went back to college later in life, but someone in a previous post already made the suggestion. Hopefully you’ll be able to use one. Even if you can’t though, I’m sure that once you get through this you’ll know the job like the back of your hand! I’ve found that people like us are often far more capable than we realize, and at some point you will find out that not everyone is catching on, they’re just good at nodding and smiling. Wishing you all the very best!!!
Thank you for that. I just did the best I could today. I was paired up with someone and thankfully the guy I was paired with was very patient with me. He was very kind and told me just to take my time - even the Trainer said that sometimes people who take things in slowly usually learn the most because it is going in slowly.
One guy in the class was streets ahead and was actually told off for going on to do other things without being told, before everyone else, but then again there is always going to be at least one smart "Alec" in the class. I am not allowed to have a dictaphone in the office (I have asked), so will have to just keep plodding on and doing the best I can. I have been told me and the other girl should have our passwords and log-on details by tomorrow, so we shall see...
At least tomorrow is Friday and I can look forward to the weekend.
Hi, I will be hoping these log-in issues will indeed be solved by tomorrow. I hope you are giving yourself credit for being able to participate without the benefit of using a computer which most others have to train on. I am so glad to read that you were paired up with a patient & kind partner - those types of people are just angels on earth, in my opinion. Your trainers words of encouragement make me so happy for you, that kind of recognition can make all the difference. Hearing that Mr. I’m in the lead smart Alec was brought down to size too
Your bright outlook on tomorrow being Friday has brought a smile to my face as well! Stay strong, & enjoy your Friday and your weekend! Looking forward to all updates (I’m concerned my use of colon followed by end parenthesis is not converting into happy yellow smiley faces - hopefully that magic will happen when I hit “reply”. If the magic doesn’t happen, just know those cheerful little yellow guys are there!
Hello En1234, first of all i think you are amazing for the way you are putting yourself out there and trying so hard. You are so courageous. Now let me give you a bit of a view from the other side. 14 years back, I was a 22 year old joining my first fulltime job at a call center. I was so nervous and apprehensive, and i felt exactly the same as you did...i still remember every single one of those feelings. But everyone else seemed to really get it and i was too self concious to draw attention to myself. So i just pretended i got it too and just winged it somehow through training. My point is that just because they are younger does not mean they are amazingly clever and confident. Yes, some of them might be but for all you know, there might be some who are struggling like you but are just able to cover it up better. Being brought up in the social media culture, they are used to covering up the bad things and presenting themselves in the best possible light. But if you search on this site, you will see so many postings from people who are as young as 16 and struggling. It makes me feel so bad for them.
It is also possible that some of them don’t take it as seriously as you do, so they are just hoping to pick it up later or something. Don’t give yourself such a hard time.
As for my job, i did take a bit more time than some others but i got there eventually. I just kept working at it and eventually there came a point where i was earning much more than the others in my team just because i had a better worth ethic (this was the early days of call centers in India and our pay varied based on performance).
Also, it has been a long time since i worked in a call center but what i remember is that what we were taught in the trainings was hardly useful when it came to actually taking calls. In fact, i would go as far as calling it almost useless. So even if you don’t get some of the things now, it probably won’t be a dealbreaker. As long as you work hard and are able to manage the actual job, it wont matter one bit how well you did in training or how technically advanced others are, please trust me on this.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Ask for help when you need. Some of them may not help (or like i said may not be getting it themselves) but some will. Practice when you can, do the best you can and the rest will work itself out. You need to give it atleast three to six months before you know how well or badly you are doing, dont judge yourself based on a couple of weeks training.
Sorry for the rambling essay i wrote, whatever you wrote reminded me so much of myself during those days. I do think it is much worse for those of us who suffer from anxiety disorders. I hope it gets better very soon. Have a great weekend.
My goodness!! I've actually got a lump in my throat from reading this. Thank you so much for taking the time to type all of this up. So kind of you..
Today was actually not such a bad day and again I was paired up with someone who was extremely kind and patient with me and there are bits of it that are sinking in and I am understanding now but still a lot of it is not but at least I am relaxing a bit now and am not so uptight and anxious. The trainer spoke to everyone individually today and when she got to me she said that although I might not think I am doing so well, from a Trainer's point of view she can see that I am doing OK.
I took a big tin of sweets in this morning (the were left over from Easter) and put them in the middle of the table and told everyone to just help themselves, so this was my way of letting people know that I am comfortable with them (even though thats not entirely true yet but they dont need to know that) and that they can be comfortable with me too. There was even talk about a wee night out - just our group, which is also another positive. To be honest I was probably so wrapped up in me and how I was feeling, I didnt even give a second thought to how anyone else was feeling. I made the effort today to ask people how they were getting on and how were they finding the training and started up quite a few conversations that way. But it was nice of you to let me see how it was from a younger person's point of view, having experienced this personally yourself. Thank you for that!!..xx
All in all I would say that today was a good day and I know I can relax and enjoy my weekend now and look forward to my return on Monday.
Thank you again for your lovely message and rest assured I have read this a couple of times (and no doubt will read it over again), and have taken a lot from it.
Aww, you are so welcome. I am so happy to read that you had a good day at work. If there are huge red flags the trainers generally tell the concerned people during training otherwise later the blame comes on to the trainer. So if your trainer is saying you are doing ok, I am sure you are doing fine
Based on what you are saying and the way you are worrying about it, I can tell you will be a star performer. You just need to give it a bit of time.
It was lovely that you took in sweets for everyone, I love people who bring sweets to office lol. I hope you continue getting more comfortable with the people and the job :). Take care.
Hi En, sorry I didn't reply earlier but my new grandson arrived last Monday and I haven't been able to think of anything else since then!
I've been following your posts because you remind me of myself so much and I feel for you, I really do. I'm so sorry to hear you've been struggling and I wanted to say I hope things are getting better for you now. Reading your initial post, the thing that jumped out at me was how utterly unfair it was that you didn't have access to a computer like everybody else - no wonder you were struggling! SOOOO unfair and I hope you do have that access now.
Believe me I know only too well how tempting it is at the start of a new job to chuck it all in and walk away because of these feelings of hopelessness and panic. But I really hope you will stick at it because I am SURE it will get easier for you. Take heart from the trainer's comments that you are doing well. If anybody should know, it's them. There are some very helpful comments here too and I hope you will let their voices speak louder in your ear than your own critical one.
I spoke to my manager today and told him I would not be back on Monday. I just CANT do it! I have tried my hardest and with the best will in the world this is just not a job I will be able to do. The data and all the figures and dates we are supposed to try and remember is just not sticking in my brain. I am not able to remember.
Even after 3 weeks I am no further forward. Everyone else in the class is just romping ahead and I am still at the cow's tail. I think even the Trainer was getting frustrated with me today. I only got my log-ins and passwords at the beginning of the week for my computer but there were so many systems we needed passwords for that my brain and head were actually hurting trying to remember what was what. We were told we were getting 6 weeks training. In actual fact it is 3 weeks of training and 3 weeks of doing cases as this is what you would be doing when actually come to do the job. You have 10 cases and you have to pass 9 before you can say you are qualified to do the job.
We were in the canteen today and one of the girls said "Look at that lot in the next table, they are the ones who have failed their tests, they tend to keep all the "failures" together until they pass, ha ha, ha!!".... Our tests start next week and today we were asked to complete one of our test cases in preparation for next week. The trainer left to go home at lunch time and I literally did not have a clue what to do. The girl I started with, who I thought was my "friend" (we went for lunch and to the shops together as she said she felt uncomfortable with the rest of them - at that moment!!), and she had started to pick up on it and she was doing well. I thought that she may have even helped me a bit but it was as if she was gloating about the fact that she could do it now and I couldnt, but what she knew she was keeping to herself...she actually turned her back to me today and would rather speak to the person on her other side but when she wasnt quite "getting it" she was more than happy to speak to me and ask ME for help!!
So now I dont know what I am going to do except look for something else. I know some people have been following this but I hope you can appreciate I am feeling really low at the moment and would really appreciate it if you dont tell me things like I should not have done this or I should have given it more time etc, as I did the very best I could. I feel like a failure tonight and I would have given my right arm to have been able to go in and learn and do a really good job, but it just didnt happen and I am totally heartbroken because I really did want to but it just would not stick, not matter how hard I tried it just would not stick. I even tried to go in with a "couldnt care less" attitude as I was told that if I adopted this attitude then maybe I would take it in better if I was more relaxed and even that didnt work.
I have had so much support on here from people and I feel as though I have let you all down, a well as myself...
You have come to a decision of what is right for you and I for one am very proud of everything about you. You are a lovely dedicated honest genuine good person all round. gemmalouise xx
hi I'm sorry that its not worked out for you.whats not for you wont go by you as they say.at least you put yourself in the position to actually try and that could be seen as a success.dont be to hard on yourself try and take out the positives from it.
Hey, you have not let anybody down. You were right to walk away from a situation that was making you feel unhappy. I think you have given it your best shot but if it's not the right job for you that is nothing to feel embarrassed about. Onwards and upwards. You WILL find your niche, I'm sure about that - and when you do, you'll realise that it was worth waiting for. Don't beat yourself up about it any more - you tried, and you decided it is not for you. That is a positive thing. xxx
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