Think I’m suffering with depression

[Blueman42]

Hi all. I’m a 28 year old male, and for about 9 years now I feel as though I may have suffered from depression.

My first memory of it was back in 2009, on a Christmas Day. We went to a relatives’ house and I was the youngest person there. Everyone was talking, laughing, joking, drinking, and I was struggling to join in with the conversations. I just remember sitting there quietly, feeling as though I was a failure, with hardly any friends and definitely no partner in my life.

These feelings have come and gone sporadically over the years, but in the last 18 months I feel as though my life has been on a constant downward spiral which shows no end of letting up.

Last year I split with my long time girlfriend, who cheated on me several times. After a few months, I decided to get back ‘out there’, and join several online dating sites. What followed, and is, to this day still following, is rejection, after rejection, after rejection. I’ve been some pretty brutal dating situations and as a result, as I sit here today, I feel as though my fate is to fail, be single, and never achieve my ambition of getting married and having children.

Add to this, I lost a relative earlier this year, which understandably hit the whole family really hard. I have massive regrets about not doing enough for her when she was still with us, and the biggest thing on my mind is the worry she may have thought I didn’t love her. Which is far from the case, I miss her every single day and I wish I could turn back the clocks and be there for her.

On top of that, my working life is utterly miserable. I absolutely cannot stand my co-worker, and the job itself has become a mediocre chore which I just cannot wait to leave. But the opportunities for me to leave have been pretty non-existent so far.

As a result, I feel hopeless, worthless, and I really don’t understand what my purpose is for being here. I am bringing nothing to the world, nothing to my family, and quite frankly I have failed in almost every area of my life. Over the weekend I have literally had no interest in doing absolutely anything. Today, I managed to go for a walk this morning, and have spent the rest of the day lying in bed in tears, and listening to music.

I don’t really have suicidal thoughts as such, just a really strong will not to be here anymore. Am I depressed? Or am I just feeling low because of the consistent bad luck that I seem to be getting served?

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Blueman42 and welcome to this caring community. Sorry you are feeling as low at present and note that you have been to the GP over the past few months with various symptoms. Have you mentioned to them that your mood is low and described to them how you feel as it could be a sign of bereavement or depression or a combination of both.

Have you received counselling or spoken to any professional about how you feel after the death of your close relative. There is also a disorder called SAD (seasonal affective disorder) Please see above feature on this. Does this ring a bell with you?

Please let us know how you are getting on and we encourage you to visit the GP again and explain how you are feeling.

MAS Nurse and Moderator.

cruse.org.uk - free advice, info to anyone affected by a death. Helpline 0808 8081677

Mon and Friday 9.30am-5pm. Extended hrs Tues,Wed and Thursday till 8pm.

[Hidden]

Hello Blueman

I understand you have been on Pain Concern regard various chest pains etc and have been prescribed various tests done to get yourself checked out. Your problem seems to have been going on for some time, Have you considered you have been stressed and Anxiety may have been a problem.

You have been through various personal problems including your Ex Girlfriend and the Death of your Grandmother. Both problems can cause various problems. A death is best talked about especially if your grief is being reinforced by you thinking you had failed the person over those final days.

Breaking with your Partner, would not help, especially if you have been courting over an extended period. The problem here will be as we get older, and feel all that time wasted for a negative result you will be possibly feeling at a loss, finding someone else and if your needs have been thrown back in your face you will begin to feel at a loss. and become a little low.

In my Life I was engaged twice over ten years or so, I met my Partner after many failed dates. We found we were getting on well and now we have been together over thirty years.

Finding someone who will suit you may take time and all I can suggest is you keep trying. If you have any interests you could try joining a club where you could find someone who has the same interests. For example Dancing. It is up to you.

Dating Agencies can work well although it may take time to find someone with the same likes, however eventually, they do work.

Regard your Grandmother explain how you feel regards your loss, some CBT MAY help. However the best way to go will be to talk out your Grief with family members who knew your Gran, Other family members may be more than willing to discuss your Gran and that should help you move on from there.

Dating, I remember going out with some real horrors, you will kick a goal eventually, do not get disheartened

BOB

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