Life long depression suffer :'(

Hi, I have suffered from depression on and off for 20 years since the birth of my youngest. But i have found that since I turned 40 it has changed me completely the depression has taken a darker route in my mind and it has made me isolated and unapproachable. Most of my time i'm thinking of a way out. Last time i went to the doctors in a melt down they tried to make me go on a group course, so i never went back... so i have been unmediated for over a year and slowly spiralling out of control... feeling like i'm tumbling down the rabbit hole out of control, am I the only one that feels like this is it normal is it just a mid life crisis not sure...

[hypercat54]

Hi I get where you are coming from but don't understand your refusal to accept help from the doctors? If you don't want their help then there is only the self help route left, so look at things like herbal remedies, mindfulness, meditation etc. There are also lots of good self help books. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

It's not so much I do not want there help ..just that I felt I was being fobbed off and told I was going to a classroom full of people and to take a pen and paper and you must do it or we won't help you... but saying that I am open to self help I don't expect it to be spoon fed to me like I'm the only one

[Foxchildoftheforest]

Your not alone. I'm 25, have had depression over 10 years. Only in last year have I asked for help. I have been asked unbelievable amount of times, by different doctors,have you tried to kill yourself and how. Just that. Then I'm referred to someone else who asks the same, who refers me to someone else... the stystem is no help. Unless you want to pop pills. And I don't. I'd say, read some cbt books, think about your life, what can you change YOURSELF to make it ok? To make life worth living, to make your heart beat with excitement. It's got to come from YOU. You take care of you. I'm writing a book, it's a focus that keeps me going. When I want a way out, some part of my mind says, at least finish the book first. Hope your ok. Your not alone xxx

[PNIAuthor60 in reply to Foxchildoftheforest]

Keep me in mind when your book is completed, I would like to read it.

[Eian59]

Hi

sorry you are feeling down its a hard thing to deal with. I can only talk from experience I tried self help and couldn't stick to it as the depression got worse. I went back to the doctors and was put on medication that helped me cope. Then with that help I went back to try self help as well. It's a long struggle as you know but you have to keep fighting it .

try the doctor again maybe a different one from last time. The sooner you get some help the better you will feel as some medicine can take a while to get into your system.

I hope you feel better soon as it's a horrible feeling to have but you are not alone.

If you need to talk about anything just message even if you want to moan,that's what makes this site so good.

Take care

Eian

[PNIAuthor60]

My heart goes out to you and others like us - I lived in undiagnosed low-grade depression until I was 44 and have spent the last two decades researching and educating myself on my mental health issues. At this time, I am on no medication although for a time I was and it did help for a time. Like you, I've had some dark days, but for me my faith has been the ladder up and out of those pits. Still, it has been scary feeling the intensity of dark, foreboding feelings and feeling like I was going to drown in them.

I think perhaps if the person who said those things to you had chosen a softer more sensitive way of inviting you to the group course, you'd already be in it. Threatening not to help is anxiety producing and causing doubt about trusting such people - I'm sorry you experienced such disrespect from a professional.

I've learned so much about how my feelings affect the quality of my health both mental and physical. I journal and have since I was 12 years old. I can go back in my journals and see the pattern of my thoughts and how they preceded some of my decisions and behaviors. I couldn't change anything without support along the way, but as someone has already said here a great deal of the work has to come from within ourselves.

I wish you well in seeking those who can help you along the way.

[69eden]

Hi,

I feel exactly like you word for word! I went on Nhs web and set up a telephone consultation as felt doc was useless and not very understanding. They referred to the course which is 2 hours for 6 weeks. I am due to start shortly. In the meantime made appointment with different doc, see next week. I know my health and wellbeing has suffered because of this and I know only I can sort it as well. I have had to dig real deep just to get to this stage, but I also know I do not want to carry on as I am either!

I am also the same age as you, I can also relate to thinking just end it also., but that is the easy option, dreading walking in that course but I actually dread what can happen if I don't as well.

[stellarosecarlotta]

If you're in peri menopause (the years before full menopause) hormones can REALLY exacerbate previous depression or introduce it and/or worsen anxiety. It is very common.

[Hidden]

Think I need to look into this perimenopause , before I go to the doctors. ..if I can avoid pills.

[Hidden]

Hi hon I really. Don't know what the answers are but I do know exactly how you feel maybe if we all stick together and keep up with this page we can help each other. I too have been under metal health and all they want to do is a phone triage and CBT if you are lucky. People keep refering to Mental Health understanding is getting better, it's not its rubbish they pay us lip services but do nothing so maybe if we all stick together to try our best help and prop up each other at least we understand. Here for you all of you

Luv Shannie

[Hidden]

Still feeling disorientated and as though I'm losing my mind. I've started using wellness serenity cream apparently it will take 3 months to take effect. I'm not very good at this blogging malarkey I've even come off Facebook because it makes me feel worse. But I will try it's made me feel better by knowing I'm not alone and my opinions on the help given is not mine alone. Be strong one day at a time x