Trying to start over *trigger warning*

[Cat_cat44]

I was just emotionally and verbally abused by my ex boyfriend. He used me, he manipulated me, being with him has cost me several jobs, money, and now I’m about to lose my car. Although this previously week we weren’t in a relationship anymore, he owes me money. Instead of paying me back he changed his phone number. Yesturday my daughter and I went to his home where he is staying (and today is her birthday 🎂) and waited for hours for him to show up so I can ask in person. While there I found out more things, he’s a sex fiend, been bringing women in and out, of course while we were together too. This guy is evil and I’m glad we’re over and I’m trying to never look back. Its hard though because I loved the person I thought he was. And the reason this happened-because I didn’t love myself and I set my standards too low. All of this took me to the edge. I was feeling suicidal ( because of other things too), I even told my child’s father ( my ex husband), that maybe my daughter would be better off raised by him and his mother. I cried in front of my daughter and told her I am a bad Mom because I gave him money like a dummy and expected it back. All I have now is to get myself back up.

[Hidden]

Go get yourself back up.. Forget him and move on. Concentrate on you and your childs happiness now.

[Cat_cat44 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Jimmyjimmy that is definitely what im trying to do. I deserve & my daughter deserves happiness and for her Mommy to be happy. I’m just writing about the experience instead of bottling it up as I’ve been doing the last several days. I already have depression, pmdd, and ptsd from a traumatic childhood so this definitely took me over the edge. Monday I will do my best to make my appointment with my therapist. I couldn’t go this past thursday, I was too traumatized.

[Hidden in reply to Cat_cat44]

Sure it won't be easy, but if you can see a future for you and your child then you just have to go for it.

Spend lots of time in the company of people you love and trust, it will help you to feel normal again.

I wish you and your child the best, take care...

If you ever need to get it off your chest you know can come onto here for a chat anytime at all.

[Cat_cat44 in reply to Hidden]

I had to add more things Jimmyjimmy because this situation did trigger some thoughts. Right now I know me & my daughter can have a good future, but right now I just can’t see it, if that makes sense. This was very traumatic because it also brought pain out from other experiences too so this is gonna take awhile to just get over. Sorry but right now I only trust my daughter because I tried to get help and a go fund me for myself but all my friends and family did was be nosey. I did have 2 uncles that tried to help financially but it wasnt enough and I gave most of it to my ex.

No one really has been reaching out to me, not my family or my supposedly best friend. In a way im glad because I don’t want to talk to anybody right now. Oh my Dad called, but I haven’t called him back yet, just a few text. He don’t know what the ex done to me, and he don’t know how I lost my car. I decided I will not tell and just save it for my therapist. I don’t feel like his self righteous speech.

I would of never dreamed i’d get myself wrapped up in a situation like this. But I now believe my ex was also a narcissitic man. I even told him this several times. Sorry this is long.

[hypercat54 in reply to Cat_cat44]

Hi I think it is natural to still be traumatised by this so just concentrate on the practical side and make sure your daughter is ok.

Well done for getting out of a very bad relationship and realising you deserve a lot better than this. Onwards and upwards! x

[Cat_cat44 in reply to hypercat54]

Hi hypercat, how you’ve been? I now have a cat now myself, he’s 1 🐱lol. Thanks for responding, yes it was a totally traumatic situation to be in and getting out of, and it lasted the whole summer unto now fall, just back and forth trauma. Believe it or not the last straw was about him not paying me back. If that didn’t happen idk how long I would of tried to make it work. This needed to happen for me to say enough is enough. Idk when it will be another but right now i have alot to work on myself and as everyone said, to concentrate on my daughter.

[Hidden]

Over the years I have known many Women, friends who end up preferring dead beat partners to those who are sensitive and understanding to women. It must be something to do with some very base instincts.

All I can advise is learn from your experiences and look for a partner who is honest and understanding. Remember looks are the least important in a partner, we all change with age, looks are just skin deep. It is more important you find someone who is honest and faithful and will stick by you come thick or thin. Life Partners these days seem very rare many marriages etc seem not to last. Remember it is very important you will be able to complement each other through thick and thin, having the same interests can be beneficial as well. Going with someone who is disruptive or interested only in His needs must be a real unhappy situation to be in.

Remember you are worth more than what you have explained above.

BOB

[Cat_cat44 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Bob, great to hear from you, I know, its been ages, thanks for your reply. Yes I’m definitely worth more than that even on my worst day. Nope it wasn’t all about looks, I was duped, I met a nice guy one day and slowly over time I met his evil twin. I can’t speak for all women but I think this happens alot to us. We sometimes need to take a little longer before deciding if the person we meet is really the real person underneath. I’m sad but I guess lucky I left before it started becoming physical. I only morn the man I thought he was.

[Hidden in reply to Cat_cat44]

When I was young I loved to dance, the problem we cannot waltz through Life without any care in the world, we need to be rational and understand the choices and decisions we need to make. As we progress learning more life steps we keep ourselves informed and know not to trip ourselves up. We learn from those errors.

Consider the errors made and how to waltz around those slips and falls

The main secret in Life is learn from your errors and move on. You will hopefully learn and find that special someone who will always be there for you. You will need to find someone who is a good dance partner who can give you that support

BOB

[En1234]

Hi there! Ive always been a big fan of "I would rather be on my own than share my life with someone who treated me like shit!!".. I cant help thinking that his guy thought he had has cake and was eating it (in abundance). I was once told by a very wise person (on here), that in order to have a good life you should "get rid of the toxic" and "keep what makes you happy" (or words to that effect)...

I have been single for such a long time now (and I have a 19 year old son living with me) that I am very choosy about who becomes my friend and who becomes anything "more". I have not had any of the "more" because I am so "choosy" and vice versa!!

I guess what I am saying here is that YOU love YOU!!.. Live your life to suit you (and your daughter) and find someone who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.

All my love! Wishing you happiness always!!

Theresa!! (Someone who has been there!!)

XXXXXXX

[babygirl1952]

Dear I'm Really sorry That had to happen to you my x husband did some of those things to me in Calif I just don't trust men anymore the most important thing is you to get better

[Cat_cat44 in reply to babygirl1952]

Thank you babygirl1952...and it gets worst...and the world and the ex hubby that I live with( not the ex boyfriend) expects me to just be ok. I will post everything im going through right now.